Enthusiastic but Mediocre

2004-12-28T23:45:00.000+11:00

This will be the last post ever on Enthusiastic but Mediocre. It's been a delightful 13 months, existing just on the cusp of the MP3 blog phenomenon and the new wave of poptimism, but a variety of circumstances will soon make it impossible to continue.

I'll spend 2005 vying towards a Masters degree, which spells the end of this blog in the long-term, and my current lack of pop access means there's nothing to say in the short-term. I'm beginning to feel boxed in by the format I've chosen and that I've run out of things to say for now (given that I've logged close to 125,000 words), so it's for the best.

I'll still write the occasional piece over at Stylus, I wouldn't mind putting fingers to keyboard for other places if they'd have me, but in all likelihood, I'll be pretty quiet until I launch anew in the new year.

Good night, poplings. Thankyou for reading, writing, linking and recommending.

Edward
xxx

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: Number One

1. LOTO - Back To Discos

I ummed and aahed about it. Any of my top.. seven.. would have been worthy, but I kept coming back to this one. I wasn't sure why, but then the other day it hit me. This song, well, not the song itself, but the things I take from it, do a pretty good job of justifying why I a) listen to pop music, and b) get so wordy, meticulous and anal-retentive about it.

I can't engage with film, TV or books or whatever else. I don't have the patience, I suppose. Also, you can't take them with you a lot of the time. Do you recite favourite lines from books in your head constantly? Can you re-enact film scenes when you're by yourself? It's probably not much fun. But a melody, a beat, an individual line stays with you. If nothing else, the fact that I feel so engaged with 2004-model pop music sometimes feels like the only proof I have that I belong in 2004. There are too many opportunities, unexpected events and, I'll say it, great records that will come out to disengage from the world, as tempting as it sometimes seems.

Pop music that becomes important, becomes a part of you, is often the stuff that seems to be about your life without actually being so. Those records that sometimes hit a little bit close to home but nonetheless raise a smile - those which seem to be invoked by even the slightest similar sound - those which don't seem to leave you after you hear them - Back To Discos is this to me, and it is this to an extent unrivalled by Fuori Dal Tunnel, Hey Mrs or Chewing Gum or Nostalgia Locomotive. In a way, something so personal and unique to my life, my situation, my taste is impossible to put on paper, but I feel the need to dissect it, if for no other reason than to better understand it myself - certainly I don't feel the need to justify this one.

The chorus of Back To Discos is two lines repeated over and over: "Pills, sex and a hard beat/So it's back to discos, back to discos", but the verses belie a slightly darker frame of mind.

"I never said my life was a mess, but I deserve a second chance" is the pivotal line that leads into the chorus. It's infused with a sense of weariness in its first half, but the second half allows a little bit of desperation to appear through the cracks. Loto's brand of ESL, 80s-influenced pop occasionally throws up some interesting lines on their album, but that line is spot-on. You don't have to necessarily give up to want to start again, and that's pretty much typified my 2004, both as a symbol of the way my life's been, and my musical tastes. Because it has been incredibly difficult, and I've wanted to give up loads of times. Finding new ways to convince yourself that things are going to be OK can sometimes become difficult. Back To Discos has the potential to make me revisit the horrible lows while engulfing me in a giddy kind of euphoria - the soundtrack of the quagmire and the light that leads to the end of the tunnel.

"Pills, sex and a hard beat, so it's back to discos". Back to the disco, but from where? Bad relationships? Sexual frustration? Depression? The general ennui of day-to-day existence? It can be anything you want it to be, without actually being about anything specific at all.

But when it's actually playing - out of speakers or in my head, none of this actually matters, because I enjoy it as a collection of excellent, catchy pop moments as well. The five drum hits before the chorus - a great moment of clawing urgency, the sirenic screech of some alarming synths after it,

Musically, it might sound dated, but it's an exciting, surging kind of dated. The most obvious kinship is certainly New Order - especially True Faith, though the bass has a more synthetic sound, but I can't be alone in hearing it as a cousin of Martha and the Muffins' Echo Beach - though this may just be the common theme of having a place to go back to or long for - here the disco is a place to shut out the outside world and start again, Loto's safe haven.

The song opens with a clear statement of intent - a pair of distinct sounds - one a fat synth line as clear of purpose as a clarion call, and underneath, a scrawly, scratchy noise that recurs in the pre-choruses. The bass comes in within seconds, and the best word to describe it is pumping - and very retro - but the song doesn't cave in to the easy temptation of taking its roots too far - there's no cloying backward-looking, anachronisms here, it's just the sound of a few guys from Portugal who've used the sounds they loved without blinkeringly emulating everything about their source.

The drum machines pound crisply and clearly to give this some wonderful dance-floor potential, but that said, I can't quite imagine any club actually playing something like this. Surely any discerning music listener would get up to the bit with the 80s house piano and the high-pitched repetition of the chorus and laugh it off the turntable? Maybe. How would you even dance to it? Again, I don't really know. Even the anthemic, euphoric "Yeah yeah!" towards the end doesn't sound like an exaltation to pump your fingers, raise your lighters or jump around - there's something too melancholy in this song's dancefloor pulses - it'd be like dancing with tears in your eyes, only without the dancing.

Every last repetition of the title destroys the initial impression that it's some kind of mantra - which you could be forgiven for thinking at the front. By the very end of the song, all the desolation and worry and hurt are in the delivery, and there's nothing else for the song to do but finish, lest it collapse under the weight.

Back To Discos feels like a part of my life like no other record this year. Everything's going to be great, everyone can have as many second chances as they need - I believe that when I listen to great pop music, and in the case of exceptional pop music like this, I believe it long after it's finished.

A really good pop song brands the time it comes from with its sound - think Vogue, Groove Is In The Heart, Common People, Baby One More Time, Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) or Can't Get You Out Of My Head. And your very favourite ones remake your whole life while you listen until you can't imagine life without them. This song sounds like one I've loved nearly all my life - like a radio classic from my early childhood.

Back To Discos may not even rate a mention from anyone else, everyone reading this may hate it, but I'm so helplessly, stupidly in love with it that I'm willing to go out praising it even against the most convincing arguments that can be made.

None of which will mean anywhere near as much to me as any of this song's 265 perfect seconds.

Also search: So Happy Together, Celebration, The Club

And now, a brief diversion back to last year...

2004-12-28T14:25:00.000+11:00

While assessing what the point in counting down is, I realised that people do it because it's fun to do so, and it compartmentalises things nicely. Even if 12 months down the line, it's a bit embarrassing. To prove this, I've gone through my 2003 list, and worked out exactly where I went wrong, not that it gives me any clues as to where I'll know I've gone wrong this year.

Songs I overrated:

Outkast - Hey Ya! (Was: 28. Would probably now be: low 60s)

Maybe I was swept away on a wave of enthusiasm by my peers, but a year on it doesn't have the same sparkle it once did. Overplaying does that, but since I don't listen to the radio, it's taken a bit longer for me to realise its charms do wear thin a little with time. That said, it's still a great song. It's just that Ghettomusick is better. Best song of the year it came out in, as so many have said? Not even close. Moderate consensus is the bane of collective canonism.

Jamelia - Superstar (was: 30. Would probably now be: high 40s)

I really hate this woman now. Slag off Samantha Mumba, why don't you? No, let's swap this with the infinitely superior Surrender by Javine, which was #46, and we'll be square.

Turin Brakes - Pain Killer (was: 69. Would probably now be: nowhere, really)

What was I thinking? It's still the best thing they've ever done, but WHY DID I NOT PAY ATTENTION TO THE LYRICS? How could I have put a song with an oblique oral sex reference at 69? Plus, it's a single by Turin Brakes, who officially, I really don't like. I should not have second guessed my inner indie snob on this one.

Pet Shop Boys - Miracles (Was: 6. Would probably now be: mid teens)

Maybe I was so shellshocked to have PSB put out a solid gold single again after a few lean years, but now I've remembered how amazing I Don't Know What You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore actually was and this doesn't seem so lustrous in comparison. It's still a marvellous record, it just isn't quite as earth-shattering as I thought it was. Except when i'm actually listening to it. 2003 was in hindsight a very good year for singles.

Vitamin C - Last Nite (Was: 50. Would now be: high 70s)

I was just as shocked to hear that there was actually a tune in that Strokes single, now I just wish the Blondie interpolation was done a bit better, and Vitamin C's disco coos just don't seem to cut it anymore.

Songs I underrated:

Avril Lavigne - I'm With You (Was: 74. Would probably now be: 10)

This one hit me in a vulnerable moment, it was blaring out of the stereo next door and I realised I actually liked it even though I was an Avril hata. Then I didn't hear it again for a few months, leading me to put it at a rather low 74. If only I'd heard it a few more times I would have given it the placing it deserves, because soft power-ballads do not come much better than this. I love her wailing! Please record a proper country song, Avril, and do it soon.

Sinead Quinn - What You Need Is (Was: 29. Would probably now be: 12-15)
Ainslie Henderson - Keep Me A Secret (Was: 35. Would probably now be: high teens)

Amazed how well these Fame Academy singles stack up. Both of them were in the top 20 before I finalised the numbering, but slipped out for some reason. What You Need Is in particular is something that must be considered a lost classic - one week at #19 despite being magnificent.

Moloko - Familiar Feeling (was: 88. Would probably now be: low 30s)

Possibly I was a little harsh on this because the album version is slightly meandering and overlong, and it was that which was fresh in my mind, but the single edit is tightly focussed and is generally quite an improvement. Windswept and gorgeous it is, and even if it was a blatant attempt to recreate The Time Is Now then it at least has plenty of charm of its own to make it a very nice four minutes of your time.

Abs - 7 Ways (was: 64. Would probably now be: high 30s)

I should have erred on the side of insanity, because basically this is Xenomania approximating The Streets, and as such would never have got the props it deserves, even if the physical single release hadn't been canned at the last minute.

The Rasmus - In The Shadows (was: 57. Would probably now be: low teens)

Yes, I liked this a lot in 2003. But I preferred First Day Of My Life at the time, but I got confused about when it actually came out, so stuffed up and didn't include that. Subsequent exposure left me liking this one even more, and as such I really shouldn't have been so cautious in placing it. FDOML would probably slot in the 50s somewhere in a revised list.

Sophie Ellis Bextor - Mixed Up World (Was: 17. Would probably now be: 6)

The fact that this wasn't an immediate winner made me suspicious. But I somehow knew I would grow to love it, so I inflated its ranking quite a bit when I drew up the list. Except I didn't overrate it enough at the time, so now I feel all stupid. Shame that I Won't Change You cut short her run of absolutely sublime, perfect pop singles a few months after this and that her rather excellent second album flopped. This might be her second-best song, time puts it right up there with Murder On The Dancefloor but it's not quite as earth-shattering as the criminally unrated Move This Mountain.

TATU - All The Things She Said (was: 16, would probably now be: 7)

I thought I was overdosed on them, but coming back a year later reveals this to be the marvellous pop song that would have been a massive hit no matter what. Remember, we are living in a world of homophobes, and this is a blatantly heterosexual love song - the voices are female, but they're expressing the desire of a male speaker. And young heterosexual girls loved it, really, they did. And they're doing it over the most unabashedly arrogant, expensive thrashing Europop backing imaginable. More a song about naughty forbidden love than lesbianism, and who can't relate to that?

The top three (Moloko, Siobhan Donaghy, Girls Aloud) are still my three favourite singles of last year, but despite there being something about the blank pain of Siobhan that I found endlessly fascinating and attractive, I think I should have put Girls Aloud at #2 as it really has set the benchmark for quality pop for the thinking person. Nowhere near enough to outshine the manic depressive charms of Forever More, every listen to it bringing it ever higher on the list of my favourite singles of all time.

My Number One of 2004 will be revealed tomorrow. It's not by LCD Soundsystem, but you already knew that.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 5-2

2004-12-27T22:21:00.000+11:00

(Update: MP3 link works now!)

5. ANNIE - Chewing Gum

This writer considers Heartbeat to be a 2005 single, as it has only just recently come out in Norway and a release outside the borders is not until February. Two songs would just be greedy, she's already got one solid-gold pop classic this year, two would just be pushing it*. Here, Richard X turns wispy, whispery Annie into a pop goddess via the slightly unfitting character of a bored cheerleader, and why not?

She's singing to herself with two different voices, which wouldn't normally work if not for the fact that her asides - "Was there anything else?" - are deliciously arch. Her dismissal of the boy who thinks he's chocolate is a perfect kiss-off the first time around, but when coupled with a nonchalant whistle, it a perfect encapsulation of this record's sonic playfulness and Annie's declaration of boredom with her beau.

Its elastic grooves weren't quite tailor made for the mainstream dancefloor, but its bleeps, echoes, pops, scratches and boings make for a fantastic earphone listen. Also, full marks for the most deliriously wonderful use of an extended metaphor in pop since Supersister's Coffee. And for all the dismissal, Annie makes it sound like being her temporary plaything wouldn't be all bad (the queue to marry her starts here, behind me). I've always swallowed my gum, personally...

* Heartbeat would have been my #2 single of 2004 if it counted.

4. THE MO featuring KRIS LE MANS - Nostalgia Locomotive

Or, the song I thought I might be able to turn into a cult hit. I made a pretty good go of it, really. I even got it mentioned on Fluxblog after Matthew Perpetua asked me to recommend him something really weird. The ever-trailing Pitchfork even picked up on it a week later with an appreciative but not especially affectionate three-star write-up in We Are The World - six months after it had stopped charting in Sweden, of course. The Mo aren't cool in their home country. Unlike The Knife or The Radio Dept or even Alcazar, they don't seem to have a loyal group of fans extolling their virtues to the outside world. So I really felt like this song was my discovery, as stupid as that sounds.

I knew the song was good, and was flattered when my plugging of it got it to #38 on Stylus's singles list - again, the lower end of the 40, but ahead of several hundred other songs. I even saw a few people mention it in their end-of-year write-ups. I wasn't entirely sure what these people were hearing in it, I only knew what I was hearing. And again, on my third attempt to explain what that is, I don't seem to be getting any better at this. So let's go back to what I wrote in February:

Probably the oddest thing in any chart at the moment-it's got a lovely ascending/descending piano line and a bloke who sounds a bit like Robbie Williams but rather much less punchable, sounding all lamenting. But that's all before a yelping woman who thinks she might be as kooky as Kate Bush jumps in and intones the chorus, strangling the life out of every word in it "Here comes the choo-choo! Come on! The nos-tal-geeeaaa locomotive gives you a hell of a ride!" comes in. It's all a bit kooky, odd and far too strange to imagine this being a hit. But a hit it was in Sweden, bless.

But that's selling Nostalgia Locomotive bloody short, because none of those things described therein are necessarily any bloody good, are they? But saying that it's a kind of alchemy wherein disparate elements come together to make something greater than the sum of the parts is such a pointless cop-out; it doesn't excuse the fact that I haven't, and perhaps cannot, get exactly to the centre of what makes this a great pop record, even if there are three from this year I like better.

All I know is that when it's playing, it's like a tiny, immaculate piece of theatrical pop, there's something very stagey (in a good way) about it, almost like a sing-along variety show-tune given wings by clattering drumming, piano, marimba and hammy overacting in the singing, exacting meaning and feeling out of words that on paper simply don't have any, and all of those in the context of a song vaguely about the concept of the past and nostalgia (I still am not quite to the bottom of the specifics here) seems strangely natural and in its own way, suspiciously perfect.

3. I MONSTER - Hey Mrs

Ah, I Monster. They were part of the All Seeing I, did one one of my favourite remixes ever (of Pulp's The Trees), their Daydream In Blue sampling track irked the indie kids when it scuppered The Beta Band's chances of hitting the top 40 with their similar Squares and when nobody was looking, put this little gem from their album of last year out as a single in September.

I wouldn't even have noticed it if it hadn't been for the guidance of the ever-spot-on Diego, who recommended it. It comes in at Number 3 on my list by virtue of having (appropriately) no less than three brilliant pop moments.

The first is the way the verses - terrestrial narratives on the lives of three people with coloured names (only two of which are Mrs) leak into the airborne choruses with a simple "aaah, look at you" behind some airy, spacy sound effects. It sounds less like a mere application of words to music and more a deliberate confluence, with both the lyrics and the music telling the exact same story. The fit is glove-like.

The second is the comical heavy breathing noise that accompanies the line "Do you still flirt with her next door?", which keeps the second verse, about Mr Blue's flirting with a girl next door while in drag, amusingly afloat in flippancy, as well as being a humorous enough non-sequitur if you're not even paying attention to the lyrics, which would be fair enough amidst such an arrogantly lush electro-glam soundscape.

The third, and best, comes in the third verse, and puts the lie to anyone who thinks the vocoder is the death of emotion; right on the line "This Woman's Weekly keeps you young", the narrator freezes on the last word, turning the song from an observation into a condemnation for one stunning moment before taking the listener back to the only slightly uneasy ethereal journey of the other four minutes.

2. CAPAREZZA - Fuori Dal Tunnel

Another one of the very first things I ever wrote about (and if going back through my archive hasn't been half painful and embarrassing..), in fact, the second MP3 I ever posted and the first song I loved that I heard after doing my 2003 countdown, hence I consider it to be the first single of 2004, and since it peaked at #7 in Italy in February, I'm sticking to that story.

For someone who basically turned off the radio and didn't listen to any music for some time because he didn't really like rap and there were lots of bad rap singles around, coming to terms with a world in which hip-hop is king has proved surprisingly easy, largely because of the genre's (broadly, ignoring all the subgenres) huge supply of novelty and gimmick.

Such as rapping in a foreign language, of course. I learned Italian for four years. Well, not properly, I learned a few words but never learned to put a sentence together - I was five at the time, but even then I liked the sound of the language. If this song had been around at the same time, I think my tiny little mind would have been blown completely.

Not very briefly, Fuori Dal Tunnel is a rap single in Italian set at a carnival, where Caparezza is a geek (no, not that kind of geek, consult a dictionary, please). It features the greatest use of tuba in popular music ever. It is filled with a ludicrous amount of rhyme, assonance, internal rhyme and words that just sound fantastic even if I don't understand them. It features an initially incredibly annoying but eventually catchy hook wherein Capa repeats the last syllable of the title three times. The production is effective without bothering in any of the tired trends; the (now) extremely dated minimalism that the Neptunes are still passing off as cutting edge, the skittering beats that used to work for Destiny's Child or whatever it is that Kanye West is doing to far too much applause for my liking. Most of all, Fuori Dal Tunnel worked as entryism for me into a whole other world and crams more fun into its five minutes than nearly every other rap single this year put together. If you're even remotely interested, his album, Verit? Supposte, is fantastic and does not disappoint.
Also search: Guida Me, which may be even better but was, alas, not a single.

Albums of 2004 (an incomplete, crap list)

2004-12-26T15:21:00.000+11:00

You didn't ask for it, but here they are, my favourite 40 albums of 2004. The order is probably wrong, I think at least the first nine are in the right order, beyond that, it's pretty inexact. I've also included the one (or two for the top 10) non-single track off each album that I think would probably give you an idea if it's for you. Again, that's a very inexact science because in the case of some of them, good non-singles aren't that obvious, and because my opinion changes daily, they might not even be the songs I say "Also search" if it appeared in the top 100, and you'll notice an awful lot of those, because I'm a single-ist, and again, most of my preferred single artists this year delivered on the album front. I wouldn't pretend this list is really comprehensive, because frankly, I don't listen to anywhere near as many albums as I do singles, so this is really just a year-end tidying up exercise in categorisation rather than being necessarily accurate.

1. GIRLS ALOUD - What Will The Neighbours Say? (Hear Me Out, Big Brother)
Even if they will in all likelihood never top No Good Advice, this album boasts two songs, album tracks both, that are vying for second place; firstly, the much-hyped and precisely as good as everyone hoped Graffiti My Soul which sounds exactly like Hit 'Em Up by Quarashi, except even more ferocious and fun, and secondly, and even more surprisingly, the astonishing ballad Hear Me Out, co-written by Sarah Harding, thus justifying her placement as my second favourite Aloud member behind the Goddess of the Sideline, Nicola Roberts. But the album doesn't dip in quality at any point, in fact, the album tracks really do seem to be better than the singles; Cheryl Tweedy's Big Brother is sly and sleazy, the Moonbaby tracks (Here We Go and Deadlines And Diets) are both highly worthy of being rescued from obscurity and even the much-maligned Real Life is fine, even boasting my favourite lyric of the year: "It started as a kiss that pretty soon became a waterfall". But, but, but, where's Androgynous Girls?

2. DARREN HAYES - The Tension And The Spark (Void, I Forgive You)
Striking, disheartening, honest and surprising electro-pop exercise in self-destruction.

3. THE DELGADOS - Universal Audio (Come Undone, Girls Of Valour)
An endlessly affecting, draining and frequently breathtaking listen, with some very rousing exceptions.

4. WEEPING WILLOWS - Presence (Hold Me, Heart Of Hearts)
If Morrissey dropped the facade and actually wrote some proper love songs without those needless layers of smirking disdain.

5. ANNIE - Anniemal (Come Together, Me Plus One)
By turns dreamy, insistent, hymnic, flippant, mournful; she describes the world using only the vocabulary of beautiful pop music.

6. VANILLA NINJA - Traces Of Sadness (Heartless, Stay)
7. JC CHASEZ - Schizophrenic (Come To Me, 100 Ways)
8. UNIVERSAL POPLAB - Universal Poplab (Days Astray, Bedhead)
9. EMMA BUNTON - Free Me (Breathing, No Sign Of Life)
10. SCISSOR SISTERS - Scissor Sisters (It Can't Come Quickly Enough, Tits On The Radio)

11. ESKOBAR - A Thousand Last Chances (Under These Stars)
12. CANDY BUTCHERS - Hang On Mike (Sparkle)
13. ERIK FABER - Century (It's Alright)
14. STINA NORDENSTAM - The World Is Saved (On Falling)
15. AVRIL LAVIGNE - Under My Skin (Slipped Away)
16. BERTINE ZETLITZ - Rollerskating (Back Where I Belong)
17. AIR - Talkie Walkie (Run)
18. SHAZNAY LEWIS - Open (Mr Weatherman)
19. THE GO! TEAM - Thunder Lightning Strike (The Power Is On)
20. NELLIE McKAY - Get Away From Me (Ding Dong)

21. VENKE KNUTSON - Scared (I Wonder)
22. THE RADIO DEPT. - Lesser Matters (Strange Things Will Happen)
23. COURTNEY LOVE - America's Sweetheart (I'll Do Anything)
24. RUFUS WAINWRIGHT - Want Two (The Art Teacher)
25. CURSOR MINER - Cursor Miner Plays God (Man Made Man)
26. BEVERLEY KNIGHT - Affirmation (Straight Jacket)
27. LENA PHILIPSSON - Det Gor Ont En Stud Pa Natten Men Ingenting Pa Dan (Det Nya Europa)
28. NANCY SINATRA - Nancy Sinatra (Baby's Coming Back To Me)
29. THE HIDDEN CAMERAS - Mississauga Goddam (In The Union Of Wine)
30. DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS - Please Describe Yourself (Apples And Oranges)

31. AC NEWMAN - The Slow Wonder (The Town Halo)
32. TEDDYBEARS STHLM - Fresh (Black Belt)
33. FRANZ FERDINAND - Franz Ferdinand (Auf Achse)
34. THE STREETS - A Grand Don't Come For Free (Empty Cans)
35. KEVIN LYTTLE - Kevin Lytte (Dancing Like Making Love)
36. A GIRL CALLED EDDY - A Girl Called Eddy (Tears All Over Town)
37. KELLI ALI - Psychic Cat (Voyeur)
38. THE KILLERS - Hot Fuss (Smile Like You Mean It)
39. THE WALKMEN - Bows And Arrows (Hang On Siobhan)
40. NEGATIVE - Sweet And Deceitful (Secret Forgiveness)

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 10-6

2004-12-26T11:55:00.000+11:00

10. JC CHASEZ - All Day Long I Dream About Sex

As far as little parts that stick in the memory, there's more here than on Justin Timberlake's entire album. He... well, perhaps "sings" isn't the word to use here, delivers lines like "Keep in mind I'm a love machine" with the untutored glee of a 10-year old pretending to be a rock star in front of a mirror, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that the backing is about as cheap and plastic and pop as it's possible to get without opening a freak wormhole into Sweden.

No other song in recent memory has married my childhood love of 8-bit bleeps and bloops with my adult love of the ludicrous like this one. I mean, JC is not even remotely convincing (it really is an act), the chorus doesn't even bother with anything as trifling as a melody, the lyrics are a collection of incredibly stupid couplets that are downright dorky and not even remotely fitting with the persona of sex-crazed ubermensch that a lesser performer would think was necessary. Machismo is boring and not fun, camp exaggerations are funny.

What is incredible is that, shorn of the long break in the middle populated by 80s video game noises - the thing about the song that made me initially elevate it from "great" into "stunning" - the song still works extremely well as a radio edit, and forget about cutting down the repetitions of the chorus - it just seems to go on and on and on, because why spoil a perfectly serviceable moment where the stupid becomes sublime with something tedious like an ending?

9. GIRLS ALOUD - The Show

Well, if it isn't the extremely dated sounds of 90s Europop given a bit of a repaint? Doesn't it look shiny and new? Every single part of this song sounds like a chorus, and Xenomania write great choruses. If the Girls Aloud album weren't uniformly excellent, they would have been ruing the fact that they wasted three of them in this. It doesn't really matter that this is the only Girls Aloud single on which the (normally stupid) complaint that they don't really have distinct personalities holds any water, because like you go to the club and expect to interface with someone's personalty while you are being completely slaughtered on the dancefloor. No, this is a succession of increasingly frenetic adrenaline rushes, lovingly gaffa-taped together with the abandon of a mad scientist, fronted by blank automata who are going to knock you out if you even so much as offer them a lollipop.

Even on the one line where there's even a hint of Real Emotion: those "should have saved me now" before the last chorus (that is to say, the second repetition of the "Should've known/Should've cared" bit, remembering that this song brutally massacres any traditional idea of song structure) is mixed as an accessory some deliciously blank "ooh-ooh-ooh"s - not so much a cry for help from within the endlessly deep abyss, but just one more gloriously crafted hook stuffed into a package that would explode if it had any more in it.

8. VANILLA NINJA - Don't Go Too Fast

Formerly an own-song-writing, instrument-playing girlband from Estonia, they surrendered to the Europop machine, and verily, it was glorious. Their songs are now written by the same guy who did "Max Don't Have Sex With Your Ex", except he's doing Darkness-esque guitar hits. And fantastic ones at that. Everyone knows that everythng is better when sung in a funny Eastern European accent.

This would have been pretty good done by anyone though, as it's a proper power ballad, replete with hilarious guitar solo, verses that are down and desperate and a chorus that's exactly the same as regards the desperation except three times louder, five times punchier and ridiculously catchy. Not to mention a video in which they get felt up by probably-lesbian prison wardens.

Lyrically, only a Western European could get away with writing a couplet as bad as "Don't go too fast/Play cool and make it last", or one as hopelessly naive and doomed as "Love can be so beautiful/Feel the rhythm of my heart", but only the Eastern Europeans could have pulled it off so superbly. Even the "unplugged version" on the CD single is magnificent - actually properly delicate, while still having the thematic and melodic subtlety of a brick in the face.

7. RACHEL STEVENS - Some Girls

I was wrong, and so are you. Rachel Stevens wasn't the perfect vehicle for this song because she's so blank. She is perfect for this because, with her limited vocal range but airily pleasant tone, she can actually deliver a pop song the way God (or Richard X, near enough) intended. This is a tale of ambition in the land of pop and yet the ambition isn't even hers, she doesn't sound like the climbing, fame-hungry whore that she clearly MUST be if she is to deliver this song with the arch raises of eyebrow you'd think it requires.

No, her delivery is not blank, but it's guileless. She's delivering it like it's the most melting, flowing, sickly-sweet, giddy pop song ever invented. Which it is. If she's aware of the savage subtext, she's not showing it - which is why I don't think anyone else really could have pulled this off. She just sings the tune (which she can do) without needing to underline how clever what she's doing is, because she knows she's just a cog in the machine. Having no delusions to an awesome level of talent, personality or importance, Rachel Stevens sounds like anyone could do what she does, but why then is every other British pop star trying to drown in their own cleverness and uniqueness?

Rachel Stevens is the prettiest face in faceless pop, and like her or not, she's going to keep getting given the occasional piece of genius like this to keep her afloat amidst her more mediocre moments, so get used to her. Also: best "HEY" in a pop single since I Want Candy.

6. UNIVERSAL POPLAB - Dice Roller

A heavy Pet Shop Boys influence hangs over the Universal Poplab album, and this song, sonically, is their Love Comes Quickly, an almost unassuming, slow-burning synth-pop opus, less immediately hooky, but over time getting into your head and refusing to leave. Try as I might to think of bad songs which feature counting in the chorus, I can only think of Back At One, whereas there are plenty of great songs which have it: Step By Step, Don't Mess With The Radio, and now this.

"I wonder where you could have been all the time" Christer Lundberg muses breathily at the start, over the kind of lush heavenly synth-pop backing that I can't think of a single recent parallel for. And the chorus is a little awkward, but it's forgiveable: "One, just let go. Two, let love flow. Three, just wait and see.", the lyrics hiding an assortment of varied but uniformly wonderful progressive synth lines.

When the first verse is repeated, you can even hear a snatch of guitar, but if that's too boring, it's augmented by faintly echoing vocal tracks that lead you into the final chorus. Colourful swirls engulf the close, the counting stops and it's a perfect denouement, the realisation of Universal Poplab's big aim; "to create a shimmering spectacle of synthpop art". "Six, we roll the dice again", I hit the repeat button again as the shimmering spectacle but passes me by.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 15-11

2004-12-25T16:05:00.000+11:00

15. MANIA - Looking For A Place

Dear world,

I am sorry. This song's underperformance is all my fault. The fault of me and everyone else who didn't catch this song's supreme genius from the first 10 listens. It wasn't immediate enough, it just didn't seem all that bothered. People like me didn't go out and buy it and it stiffed. The excellent follow-up, Money In My Pocket - which provided the sass and immediacy this one didn't have - ironcally got canned, and the rumoured-to-be excellent album sits in Brian Higgins' cupboard. A grave injustice, and I only have myself to blame.

How could this have not burrowed into my skull on the first listen? How could I have seen its insouciance as being anything other than an enormous plus? Why wasn't the whistle the number one sound in my head from the first listen? I don't know. Whatever it was, I promise I'll do better next time. But it's too late now. I'd get properly angry about this, you know. OK, Chewing Gum only did slightly better, but it was a hit in its native Norway, and she's got underground buzz. Mania have just sort of vanished, and listening to the songs they've done that have leaked in one way or another, they really did have a lot to offer. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that this is what the second Sugababes album would have sounded like if Siobhan hadn't left - like a step into an alternate universe without having to destroy the one we're in now.

I said it was subtle before, but until you listen to it on headphones, you might even miss that. The backing vocal "oohs", the way Giselle seems a bit louder in one chorus, then Niara in the next, a little bit of guitar underneath the second verse, despite it not sounding all that concerned with itself, it's absolutely immaculately put together, every detail worked out for maximum critical appeal, though something's gone wrong and it passed everyone by. Maybe if they'd said "fuck" a lot in the chorus.

14. ALCAZAR - This Is The World We Live In

Because pop kids do everything better, that's why Sugababes went to #1 with their re-recorded We Don't Give A Damn About Our Friends and Speedway only sent their version of A Stroke Of Genius to #10. It's that simple, really. And who is more shiny, glittery and downright obnoxious than Alcazar? Many have quite correctly identified the key thing about this song as being about the handclaps. I can't really add anything to that, but I will just say that there is a kind of well-meaning love of the absurdity of mashing up Genesis and Diana Ross that is just too pure and perfect for your average bedroom bootlegger to do - they can make it, but they can't love it almost to the point of a sticky death but not quite, so This Is The World In teeters on the brink, but stays just on the right side of camp stupidity. There's really very little else to say about such sheer, simple inspiration.

13. J-FIVE - Modern Times

Glee. One of two songs I managed to smuggle into Stylus's Top 40 Singles of 2004 - even if it was Number 40 and my attempts to describe why this song is so good continue to fall completely flat. I shall try again, for the third time.

Charlie Chaplin is an icon. He needs no feting in song. But, for the soundtrack to the re-release of Modern Times - the movie, here we have it, and if you're going to do it, do it right. It's almost cartoonish in its simplicity - there's no fancy beat happening here, and as far as the samples go, even though it's a new source, it's nothing that hadn't already been done by Kelis, or, indeed, Lucas way back in 1994. But what wins for this song is the breathless enthusiasm with which Mr Five (Johnny to his friends) earnestly toasts his subject - not even smirking one inch when he declares Charlie "The Mack Daddy of the 1930s" - and the line from modern rappers back through the original Rat Pack is extrapolated that little bit further. Not to mention the fact that "He kicked the game/Go figure/Had no time for gold-diggers" has this infectious swagger that was unmatched by any other hip-hop single this year. Take your Jay-Zs and your Kanyes, I'll dance in my chair to this.

12. HITCH HIKE - Travel Girl
GWEN STEFANI - What You Waiting For?

Included as one entry because a) they're really similar, b) they're equally great, and c) they came next to each other alphabetically, so it just seemed logical. Yes, I'm cheating. Cheating because, technically really, Travel Girl is from 2003, but it ran out of the gates in January and February. I still don't know anything about it really. I just know that if (when?) pop music gets bloated and becomes psychedelic, it probably won't be too bad.

A complete accidental discovery when I scoured the Greek charts, I couldn't even tell you where they're from. What I do know is that a brashly-accented American girl telling clipped anecdotes about her hitch-hiking should have been a cult dance hit this year. As it is, it's still languishing in obscurity... and I kind of like it like that. Not enough to not repost the MP3... Shame that single cover looks like an out-take from that Alanis Morrissette video for Thank U, though.

Gwen's single is pretty much the same musical formula, except with her using all of the vocal tics she has that either endear her to you, or make you froth at the mouth and, to be completely fair, a slightly more substantial song. But the sheer shock value of a 35-year-old American superstar so brazenly doing a Europop single was a bit diminished for me, but at least it's a quality piece of work.

Lyrically, it's got to be about her biological clock again, doesn't it? Stuff the Harajuku Girls for now, Gwen wants kids, and there are enough lines in this song that work with that theory to cancel out the ones that don't.

11. BRITNEY SPEARS - Toxic

Oh, Cathy Dennis doesn't need any more plaudits, she's got a barrelful of money, and she deserves every single red cent of it. We've got a world where Britney's people turned down Graffiti My Soul and Sweet Dreams My L.A. Ex and we're still here somehow, so perhaps the world wouldn't have stopped spinning on its axis if they'd said no to this one as well, but the fact that they said yes has made the world a much less hostile place in which to be a Britney Spears fan, given the indie kids a jolly good spanking (which they enjoyed, I suspect) and basically strode across our screens again with such confidence and presence that the idea that she was past-it was no longer demonstrably false, but also faintly ridiculous. Someone who was past-it cannot command the power to seize a song of this quality - those magnificent strings! - sure, every man and his musical stoat wanted to be the one to write the song that made her big again, but the fact is, if she weren't still big, there'd have been no reward. Not a bad point on the curve for her to have been, you know.

Like the best pop stars who don't write their own material, Britney is an endlessly varied selection of cavasses for listeners and crucially, songwriters, to project upon. And if it weren't for her bizarre, erratic persona, we wouldn't have this bizarre, erratic strike of lightning to adore.

Britney Spears has done more good songs in her four albums than Madonna managed on her first. She has done fewer show-stoppingly classic ones, but as long as her star doesn't wane appreciably, more will come. A hundred shots of her sans make-up in ironic trucker hats doesn't alter the fact that her robot frog voice, distorted to such a point that she may not even be real, is sexy. She is a golden, plastic icon for children, gays and horny boys. She provides a fascinating, user-friendly front-end to some great pop songs. She is every inch a star, Toxic is every inch a timeless classic and I'm drooling on my keyboard again.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 20-16

2004-12-25T01:11:00.000+11:00

20. V - You Stood Up

I was laughed at for saying this was the best boyband ballad since O-Town's All Or Nothing. I now see the error of my ways, it's much better! That said, I don't really find boyband ballads that appealing, being as they usually accompanied by really awful videos in which all the members usually bear really punchable expressions.

This song isn't perfect - the lyrics in the chorus are a bit repetitive and clumsy - one of those lines about standing up and stealing it could have been changed, but V, or at least some of them, can really sing, and have found the exact point on the emotional spectrum where it's felt enough to detect, but not so much that it drowns in a treacly mess.

And if "give it all back, give it all back" is not one of the most gloriously glurgy and enjoyable moments of the year, then there's something wrong with me, and even if it isn't, it makes for a nice break between the choruses regardless.
Also search: Fools

19. ANTTI TUISKU - Yrita Ymmartaa

Antti once got bottled off at a live perfomance. Well done. Not bad for someone who can't really sing and looks a bit like a ferret. He's basically second-string on this record, in which an absolutely divine string snatch is the real thing to listen out for. I actually asked a number of well-educated people if they recognised it, and amazingly, none of them did - it's in all likelihood an original composition, yet it sounds absolutely timeless and classic. It's basically sitting out there waiting to be either sampled or covered wholesale.

All of this would mean nothing if the song above it wasn't strong, and fortunately it is, meaning ferret-boy doesn't have to do too much work. He delivers more than adequately here, taking a delightful, flowing Finnish track and alternately singing it like a lullabye and an R&B ballad (the latter not quite as convincingly) - the line after the second chorus - "Taas yritan, mut sanat ei riita" if you can imagine what that sounds like - is the key line (not that I have any idea what it means), as its first iteration comes over a lovely isolated guitar, the last just over the string sample - it starts and ends on its highest note.

18. CORTEZ vs X-RAY featuring LEMON JUICE - What U Get Is What U C

It's a travesty that lots of people outside mainland Europe have not heard this one, but I'm remedying this - some months too late, admittedly. I think they're Spanish, I could be wrong, but what I am not wrong about is that this is the greatest comedy rap single of all time. I'm not entirely sure whether it's funnier if you assume that they don't know that they're hilarious, or if it's seriously a joke.

What I also know is that rather than being a hip-hop single, this is basically a cheesy Mediterranean Eurodance single with rap on it, delivered with a straight face that works equally well if it's a punchline or if it isn't. You'd never get away with this in your own language thanks to that irritating thing called shame. "You're in the presence of a motherfuckin' rap star!". Pure, unadulterated genius. And bloody fun with it.

17. ERIK FABER - Century

That'd be the token Song With Guitars in the top 20. Well, sue me. But Erik made me feel his anguish, even if for one perfect line - where he bellows out with what sounds like his last ounce of strength - "Stumble through the fire! Sweet sweet fire!". Even if, on the surface, this appears to be the same gutless angst peddled by all too many pale British indie kids, there's a lightness of touch and an honesty that places this streets ahead.

It would have to be, because as far as it goes structurally, it's nothing special. Verse, chorus, verse chorus, another verse with the music stripped away, short guitar bit, chorus, outro. But each piece is so expertly produced and precise, and the lyrics belie a sensitive poeticism that normally is a massive turn-off: "Tell me, what did you wear? Innocence and red?" - tell me, who else has managed to incorporate such seamless hendiadys into the opening line of their opus? And there's even whistling at the end, lest the waves of wall-of-sound pop guitar prove just a little bit too weighty.
Also search: Yesterday's Call, Open Your Eyes

16. LENA PHILIPSSON - Delirium

It's funny that a by-rights past it disco diva who couldn't get into Eurovision in the 80s should end up as arguably one of the best pop stars of 2004. Or is it? This writer doesn't look down on Eurovision rejects, obviously, but how surprising is it that Kylie Minogue is still selling massive units in 2004? A bit, really. Lena Philipsson is 38 and looks like Posh Spice's naughtier, much more fun sister. This song still sounds exactly like Laura Branigan (RIP), features a kazoo and a series of the most infuriatingly ingratiating hooks imaginable. I actually thought some lines of it were in English - the chorus sounds like "you're living in a fantasy/you're living in delirium" but it's basically similar equivalent Swedish words.

The best bit is the middle section, where Lena is accompanied by some extremely cheap 80s synths that are taking her on a whirlwind trip into space - whooshing as if about to take off. The divine chorus comes back one more time, but it's what Lena does after it that makes this her best performance and thus her best single of the year - her repetition of single lines and here and there with more urgency just sounds so right, particularly swirled over such decadent 80s excellent. It may be the most unashamedly retro single I've loved this year, but Lena's been there and knows that the 80s aren't a cheap gimmick, they're a way of life for some, and she delivers with sincerity as if her life depends on it.
Also search: Det Nya Europa, Stopp! Nej! G? Härifr?n!

Happy Festivus, poplings.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 25-21

2004-12-23T11:57:00.000+11:00

25. PORTOBELLA - Covered In Punk

The reason why everyone is so keen to point out that Lucianna was in Crush with Donna Air is because Crush's Jellyhead is one of the best songs ever, and if you disagree, YOU ARE WRONG. It's that simple. Few people get to make two masterpieces in two separate halves of a career, so for god's sake people, stop hating and RECOGNISE that Covered In Punk is ludicrously catchy, pumping, pounding, incredibly fun to dance to AND suitable to be played extremely loudly in car. Of course, that means it crashed out of the charts and unlike Jellyhead didn't get a stomping Motiv8 remix that at least made it a minor hit overseas.

But it should have! The couplets are lovably dorky, the delivery is unimpeachable, the beat is unstoppable and that riff in the second part of the verse is the catchiest thing ever, at least until the juggernaut that is the chorus comes in (oh, and it has a proper pre-chorus. I love those things), ideal for fist-pumping or attempting to move rhythmically in a fashion to. One day someone should steal this riff and make another song out of it, it is impossible to get tired of.

24. SURFEROSA - Saturday Night

You could be forgiven for thinking that Surferosa are in trouble when the best thing about this song is "ah! Ah! AH! AH AH AH OW OW OW OW!" but you'd be wrong. Because the world needs more pop songs that are whirling dervishes of stupid, stupid fun like this one. Singer Mariann yelps and shouts over a delightful trash-pop backing as if she's going to die if she goes below a certain level of speed, ferocity and utter ear-destroying shrillness.

The only missing ingredient in their usual winning formula that's not present here is the cheap and cheery keyboards, but in the thick of a catchy riff like this one, it is perhaps possible to have too much of a good thing - I don't know if I'd want any distractions in the background detracting from any of this song's killer moments; the way Mariann sings "responsibility" as "risponsibiliteeee" - or indeed, any word that ends in a long "e" sound - "you gotta open up! you gotta!", "come on baby do the dance for me!" - indeed this may be the best song this year where the verses are even catchier than the chorus, but that's no slouch either, but when the verse is overlaid on TOP of the chorus (best trick in pop ever), that's the highlight. If I may steal a phrase from the ever-spot-on Alex MacPherson: "Sahara Hotnights as produced by Max Martin". No further explanation needed.
Also search: Neon Commando, Digital Audio Work Situation and especially the batshit-insane Chinese Moon.

23. ANASTACIA - Left Outside Alone

When shit postars become good, Part II. Whether you ever need to hear it again is debatable, but those first 500 listens were pretty astonishing, weren't they? I mean, what business has this woman got coming out with a song that is a cross between You Oughta Know and It's A Sin? None at all, that's what. This woman has a voice, but no guts. She sings a song about being weak and beholden to someone else into a hands-in-the-air disco anthem (remember I'm Outta Love, god how awful was that?), so when I heard she was going to do something called "sprock" (soul, pop AND rock, you see), I was preparing earplugs for the imminent pain. But the pain never came, because if her new direction wasn't a masterstroke.

She wails in the right places. She sounds a bit like Tori Amos, Kate Bush and maybe Amy Lee. But she doesn't copy, she's learned from them. She hates herself, and YOU at the same time. The guitar is gloriously menacing - although I'm not convinced it's real (not that I care) and when it's not buried beneath Anastacia's voice, the bass is pretty menacing too. I once started an ILM thread on this song and got accused of being a street-teamer for DARING TO SAY THAT ANASTACIA PUT OUT A GOOD SINGLE. Two months later, she had the biggest hit of her career, and I'm still not a street-teamer, so NER to the world. I'd still like to hear a proper rock cover version of it to see if it would work, though.

22. VENKE KNUTSON - Scared

There really is no broad category more maligned than female singer-songwriters with guitars who have pop hits, is there? A third of them get tarred with the Lilith brush, another third get slammed for having no proper credibility, and the other third are criticised as being pale imitations of the other two categories. Well, nuts to that, there is nothing wrong with a girl and her guitar. And no, there is nothing wrong with a girl and someone else's guitar either. So if you are unable to appreciate Venke Knutson, then the someone that's in the wrong place is YOU.

She's almost whispering the verses, and it's adorable. Then she tries to rock out, fails, and it's even more adorable. The key line - alluded to above - "I'm here and you're there, what's this space? Someone's in the wrong place", she sort of mixes them both and my heart melts and spills all over the floor as all my obvious buttons are pressed. Tragically, you only get to here it twice, as the second chorus goes into a shouty middle section that would have ruined the whole thing if it hadn't also been unfathomably adorable.

Yes, I admit it. I LIKE NATALIE IMBRUGLIA. And some of Michelle Branch's singles. And yes, I want to listen to artists who are just a little bit like that. And I'm not ashamed anymore! Venke Knutson is Norwegian for "truth serum" and Scared is magnificent and vulnerable in all the right ways.
Also search: I Wonder, Kiss

21. A*TEENS - I Promised Myself

Can you believe that I listened to this the other day and I had a bit of a blue emotional moment? Really, I did. Well, I do have extremely weak tear ducts - that's my story and I'm sticking to it. It's not as if the end of the A*Teens is something that I'm too attached to, I don't really care about them, but if the people that wrote their songs don't continue writing ridiculously sugary blissbombs of genius pop, I'll be disappointed. But is that worth it? After all, the people who wrote all those great Steps singles haven't done particularly good work for Pop!. Anyway, as far as cover versions go, this is well-thought out. The closing section of Nick Kamen's version is recast as a break in the middle. I think they could have retained the talkie bit in the middle, but the fact that it's survived a bit of jiggering around with shows that it's a fine, sturdy piece of songcraft.

And, atypically, it's one of the rare cases where in a mixed-sex group, a BOY takes the lead vocals and the song is not horrifying. Something magic's in the air. And yes, Max, it really does sound a bit like The Winner Takes It All.

It was the "In the midnight hour, I will wait for you" that did me in, in the end. It's a pretty incredible job when a song is this catchy and perfect even though it doesn't actually have a chorus, more a couple of verses and the aforementioned middle section which is absolutely to die - or cry (there was something in my eye, I swear) - for.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 30-26

2004-12-22T10:33:00.000+11:00

30. PAY TV - Trendy Discotheque

It matters, in the end, not a whit that in all likelihood, Trendy Discotheque is an endlessly cynical exercise by Proper Dance Music maker Hakan Libdo, entered in the Swedish Melodifestival as a joke, because for god's sake, what any underground subgenre of dance music needs is some memorable bits to break the endless monotony for the thinking pop fan. And this has got them in spades.

And for all the smirking (again, I don't know that there is any smirking, I'm just assuming), this is a properly fun song, because the tongue-in-cheek lyrics are funny, the chorus - backed by "woo! wow! woo! oh yeah!" is pretty irresistable - take note anyone still on the electroclash bandwagon - in its milking of what's a pretty clunky phrase, and the inflections in the verses are just so - "We are glamorous girls. But also very smart. We think the poor-are-boring. They can't afford to party at the Trendy Discoteque!". And because, under the sarcasm and dancing to THEIR music, don't we all secretly like to think the beautiful nightclubbers are a bunch of vacuous idiots?

29. WEEPING WILLOWS - Lost Love

Once basically an Elvis Presley tribute act who may or may not have influenced a generation of Country and Northern, Weeping Willows have added touches of The Smiths and Depeche Mode into their lovelorn, windswept pop - the abject misery of the former, and the atmospheric, dense sonics of the latter - this could have fit with a few minor tweaks on Ultra. (NB: Nobody else actually thinks this other than me, just ignore).

I think it's the spooky backing vocals, the faint drumming and the slightly trembling country-ish singing (floated in from another genre) that nonetheless fit so snugly on top of the whole tragically upset affair. This is the first song in my list I've actually had to play while writing about it, because I'm scared I'll leave something out - it just seems so insubstantial when I try to describe its uneasy charm - which is good, because otherwise I'd have forgotten things like that little string bit that leads into the chorus, and the break, which just sounds like a heart's death - you even hear a bell toll for it.

28. SHAZNAY LEWIS - Never Felt Like This Before

A song for all seasons - the chorus is a slow dance in the sticky heat, but the verses are frozen with tinges of winter. Far, far, far too subtle to release as a debut single, showing that if Shaznay was the songwriting brains in All Saints, she certainly never twigged why her former group waited until single number two before unleashing Never Ever - you've got to open with your I Know Where It's At to get people interested and dancing - then you can slow things up as much as you want because you have the crowd, or the radio audience, in the palm of your hand.

Of course, some of us were already smitten, and with good reason. She's not the most distinctive singer, a bit nasal for some, perhaps, but some of her awkward delivery hooks you deeper than her melodies, which are uniformly strong to begin with. That said, I do find her more convincing in the verses than when she says "I've never felt like this before/Can't say that you don't make me hot". Shaznay is the whitest black girl to ever be in a girl group, and you notice this even more when she raps, which she doesn't do on this. I just want to hear her do vulnerable love songs. With wall-of-sound production and heartbreak, because she's a doomed commercial force, she may as well go out frowning leaving her fans smiling.

27. BRITNEY SPEARS - Everytime

It is a fact that as long as it's raining, this is the best Britney Spears single ever. But since it's not always raining, it must be conceded that there are usually quite a few that are better. Actually, the fact that this song seems to be well beyond the nicotine-enhanced Mrs Federline's range nowadays doesn't seem to hurt it. She's hurt, so why shouldn't she be completely shot vocally?

But let's take another look. The lyrics - written by Britney - are rather good, aren't they? She's managed to retain the scribbled-in-diary feel of some of her earlier dabblings with a genuinely adult efficiency with the language - even if, despite what her and that Janet Jackson woman say - there is no such word as "everytime" - that make her claims that she is, at last, a woman, actually able to be swallowed. And there's a degree of honesty that reminds me of Madonna at her 80s peak too - this isn't her Live To Tell but that degree of ambition isn't present right now - give her time. Some credit to the lass with the Greek name who gets the co-writing credit - I believe she's currently a contestant on a reality TV show.

26. ESKOBAR - Bring The Action

My brother and I don't really agree on very much. I listen to obnoxious pop, he listens to the exact same thing except made by people nobody's ever heard of and without any catchy bits, and on vinyl instead of CD. But as regards Scandinavian rock, we generally agree that it is great, and I'd wager if you asked both of us what our 10 favourite artists of 2004 were, Eskobar would be the only match.

Is it the long nights up north that spur the Swedes to such awe-inspiring hights of melodics? Fierce competition amongst their small but well-developed pop scene? Genetics? The fact that they are influenced by great pop of the past but never beholden to its formulae, or endlessly and needlessly reverent towards the sort of modernist idea of One Perfect Band (as various UK outfits are towards, variously, The Beatles or Radiohead)? I don't know, but good pop always looks forward, even when it's looking downward.

Bring The Action is good pop, played on guitars, with a benign country influence. Its secret weapons are endless longing, slightly awkward lyrics and a few notes of piano underneath the verses. It's pop because it's not afraid to use the tricks of pop to make its point - here, floating strings and the music cutting out to emphasise the first line of the last chorus. It's pop because it's not afraid to be simple, there are no attempts at being profound or grandiose, just one statement: "I can't let you go now, though I want to". Listen and learn, Chris Martin, because this is what you think you sound like. You don't.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 35-31

2004-12-21T09:32:00.000+11:00

35. SCISSOR SISTERS - Take Your Mama

Ner, ner, I liked them before you did etc. Anyway, while the track selection for their album was probably not the best taken from what they had available, this song, not featured on their 2003 demos, was a fine surprise - "Mum! I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar!" - all set to music reminiscent of Elton John when he was in the closet. How apt. I like 70s AM radio classic rock music far, far, too much to resist. (NB. I have never been to a gay bar)

34. EDO MAAJKA - No Sikiriki

This MP3 is a repost, but I had fewer readers back then, so here it is again. Unlike the rather harsher textures of his follow-up, the difficult-to-spell and jury-dividing Prziiii, this is a far more straightforwardly enjoyable bit of rap from Croatia. Gospel flourishes in the backing vocals, a much softer (though still rather, um, funky, within its context) backing and a chorus that you can join in with despite not having a clue what it's about - I do, and I don't - "No sikiriki, sikiriki no no!" is all you need to be able to produce. I've got no real technical idea of flow or what makes rappers great, but on the basis of the way these unfamiliar words are being thrown together, this sounds just fantastic.

33. O-ZONE - Dragostea Din Tei

This was 2004 for so many people, I won't hear a bad word said against it. Think for a moment that at one point this was in the French top 10, along with THREE other singles based on it. Even a dodgy (though not that terrible if you've not heard the original) knock-off had legs around the continent. And why? Because occasionally, you get a single that is just ludicrously happy, bouncy and irresistible. Think The Vengaboys, Las Ketchup, whoever you want. It must have been inescapable, I don't really know as I live in a country where it's never been a hit. Every daft gimmick about this works - the dodgy English translation video (for its unintended hilarity) was even a stroke of misguided genius. The chorus, dead catchy though it is, doesn't even suffer from being completely dwarfed by THAT line - if you can call it that... "Mai-ai-ha-hah!". Three rather gay-looking (except apparently THEY ARE NOT according to the Intranot) boys from the poorest country in Europe opened their mouths and ate the whole continent. Bravo.

32. WILL YOUNG - Your Game

This song was the co-subject of my first ever entry; to summarise, or rather completely rework, this was a bold, brash piece of classy AOR pop, crammed until bloated with fabulous pop moments - the theatrical backing vocals, the way Will actually genuinely sounds a bit miffed and flustered about the whole debacle, the way mid-way through the song "Time.. and time..." sounds as it it's going to end before leading straight into a bit where Will becomes a complete overacting ham with the drama unravelling around him, all of which is fabulously arranged.

31. YELLOWCARD - Ocean Avenue

Haha. Bet you all thought this one was the fake. Well it isn't. My sister (hi Monica!) was watching a video channel the other day and another Yellowcard video came on, and she mocked me - "don't you like these people?" - just on the basis of the video, as god, they're mingers and I hate the way these bands look. I defended them, "This one is a ballad, so of course it's going to be crap.". But, I thought to myself, Ocean Avenue is also a ballad in a way, I mean it IS LONGING and has a violin in it. Drawing a long bow, but amongst the mass of shouty confused emotions they try to cram into their album, on this song, they got it just right - it's sort of vague enough to be about whatever your own faded memories are, while being sufficiently tangible for every overwrought emotional overaction to be wrung out of the fairly insubstantial song being performed. Oh, I love it unreservedly. It reminds me of being young, stupid and back in high school, from where I have absolutely no memories like this, but I feel like I should.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 40-36

2004-12-20T11:05:00.000+11:00

40. BASEMENT JAXX - Good Luck

You wouldn't want to be the guy who fucked Lisa Kekaula over, would you? Looks can't kill, but if wails and shouts could, there'd probably be a few exes going back hoping that it's not abbout them. Angry without being vicious, dramatic without going over the top and relentlessly exciting - and that's just the vocal track. Basement Jaxx's success rate at throwing everything into the mix and making it loud and pulsing really was improved by the criminally unpurchased Kish Kash, and as such this defies clear genre boundaries. It's soulful, it rocks, you can dance to it, you can pump your fists to it or even have a bit of an introspective moment to it. All the things magnificent pop is supposed to be.

39. WITHIN TEMPTATION - Stand My Ground

This is the aural equivalent of the time I went out to a restaurant with some friends, including two goths. Nobody wanted to sit at the adjacent table, but it was bloody good fun. Hideously overwrought drama, delivered with the straightest of faces, and basically, if Evanescence (oops, didn't mean to say it) had put this song out as their second single, they would be so stupidly rich, Jesus would have disowned them before the converse happened.

38. GREEN DAY - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

I've worked out this song's appeal, at least to me. It's a perfectly successful collision of the world-weary Dylan-esque "proper" songwriting of "Warning" with the texture of the song that converted me to liking this band, no, not one of their power-pop singles, no, not the introspective ballad, but Redundant, except with a bit more crunch to make the kids feel it, courtesy of the same sort of anthemics that those kids like their early singles, the greatnesses of which I was too stupid to see without the benefit of hindsight. Well I'm not going to let it get away this time - this is bloody great.

37. BERTINE ZETLITZ - Fake Your Beauty

Hugely popular in her native Norway, conversion to her woozy, catchy electro-pop in other countries seems frustratingly confined to the pop intellegensia and cognoscenti. Well, that's quite enough of that. Bertine excels at short, sharp, nagging hooks - clear, cold synth lines, cute turns of phrase, and this is as fine an example of entryism as you're likely to hear - one listen, and that chorus is stuck in your brain, two listens and the verses are pretty likely to have joined it.
Also search: Ah-Ha, Back Where I Belong

36. SHAPESHIFTERS - Lola's Theme

Right when I needed it most, an uptempo, uplifting, uproariously catchy disco single conquered the world, or at least that part of the world to which I paid attention. Oh, I'm still a cynic to its claims of amorous transformation, but that doesn't diminish its charms at all - the horns (not a sample, either) is still a thing of great beauty, the. Chalk this up as one of those rare instances in which grafting a vocal track over a club one actually works brilliantly.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 45-41

2004-12-18T21:38:00.000+11:00

45. DAM SWEET - I Don't Know

A terrific soulful house track along the lines of Lola's Theme only slightly damaged by the fact that it's crying out for some extra lyrics. The horn sample is great. The beat is great. The little bit of guitar is great. The melody is catchy. It's only lack of progression or variety that is keeping this down at 45 rather than, say, 15.

44. LENA PHILIPSSON - Lena Anthem

"My name is Lena. I am not a tramp!" "My name is Lena Philipsson!". Except in Sweden, and set to the must pulsating, crushing, thudding, mind-blowing electro-pop backing conceivable. I'll say it again, you don't need to understand any Swedish, you just feel this one. Obviously, there is yet more Lena to come. But where?

43. KELLI ALI - Hot Lips

There are few things catchier (if inane) than "And you make me wanna call a doctor/You're a new disease and I think I caught ya" over glammy, hammy pop like this. Hook after hook after hook; a simple ingratiating repetition of the title, a woozy backing behind her tag-line: "Fake your voodoo baby" and that cheery, cheesy chorus. Why is this woman not huge? (Aside from the lack of radio friendly singles and that her last album was really cheap sounding) Sounds like a job for Cathy Dennis, Brian Higgins, Karen Poole or Rob Davis to me.
Also search: Home Honey I'm High

42. DA BUZZ - Dangerous

The most straightforward Swedish dance pop hit of the year to worm its way into my heart. Singalong self-aggrandizement that you can dance to, a Max Martin-esque extra chorus, faceless dance-pop diva giving it her everything, even managing to make "dangerous" almost rhyme with "fabulous". Remarkably compact, too, barely giving you a chance to think before kicking straight into the verses - you get a little more time to prepare for the chorus's arrival, but that doesn't diminish its soaring excellence.
Also search: Set My Heart On Fire

41. DOGS DIE IN HOT CARS - Godhopping

XTC mit electric piano. Yes, almost that simple, except even when they were upbeat and jaunty (or, alternatively, impenetrably obscure), XTC were never this deliciously sprightly. By the time it gets to the last chorus, you feel like it could end at any moment or tack on a few more repetitions; when the former happens, it's almost a disappointment. Most importantly, on this single, Craig McIntosh sounds invigorated and happy rather than condescending and sneering, which was perhaps the only flaw to their otherwise fine album.
Also search: Apples and Oranges

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 52-46

2004-12-17T15:19:00.000+11:00

It's the halfway point. And there was much rejoicing.

52. THE 411 - Teardrops

Its sparkle hasn't diminished either with subsequent listens or the failure of their album to a) sell, and b) be any good. Is it possible that this just hits a nerve with a certain type of person due to the sample, and that without that context, it's just a bit creepy for the casual record buyer? I'm not entirely sure one of them is even singing the right notes at some points, and that's as close to individuality as any of them get. It's almost a shame that these quality singles are "wasted" on them, really.

51. THE KILLERS - Somebody Told Me

As far as rock bands you are supposed to apologise for liking a lot, I'll take The Killers' singles over Franz Ferdinand's, thanks, largely because this one is much more straightforwardly sleazy and fun. Also, it doesn't waste 40 seconds in a boring tempo before getting to an interesting one.

50. BUSFACE - Circles

Unwritten law is that everything which features the vocals of Sophie Ellis Bextor is automatically very good (let's just forget I Won't Change You, shall we?), and this is no exception, even though she only appears on one of the verses, and she seems to be saying the same words over and over again. I really can't help it, I just love her vowels. Had her star not fallen significantly in 2003, this would have been good for a mid-table chart position.

49. ANJEZA SHAHINI - The Image Of You

I cheered all the way through Eurovision for the extremely orange Ms Shahini, and why? Because this is a fine piece of songcraft, the vulnerable opening, the (slightly dodgy) bridge into the land of disco, the cheesy guitar solo and the show-stopping (well, would have been if she hadn't been on next to Ruslana), shrieking finale. I actually wish it were longer, there was a second verse never translated into English from the Albanian original, but that's wishing for something beyond what it could have been - as it stands, excellent pop.

48. KELIS - Trick Me

Probably put Milkshake in there too because I didn't include it last year. Trick Me, which I even read criticised as a formulaic Dallas Austin production, is the proper killer of the upbeat ones on Tasty (though Marathon is of course even better), because of its delightful skanky old-movie feel, which would have been wasted if Kelis didn't completely shit over it by saying the word "dick" exactly when you expect her to. Also: "whoa-whoa! this is IT!". Also, there needs to be more videos which are orange.

47. DARREN HAYES - Popular

When shit popstars become magnificent. Left to his own devices, former Savage Garden singer throws some bonkers synths, guitar samples and bits taken from at least six other songs in a blender and completely surpasses the quality of his output up to that point - combined. Album reviewed by me at Stylus (I gave it a 9), and subsequently a bugbear to lots of indie kids - one of whom really hated that it got a better score than those boring twats Interpol. What would you rather listen to, a boring load of indie kids who wish they were Joy Division (why doesn't anyone try to be New Order? Hang on, that's coming up much later), or someone who wishes they were M, Fischerspooner, Donna Summer, Madonna and Richard X?

46. SEPTEMBER - September All Over

It's Europop with an extra helping of bleak. It's all in that rather ominous squalling noise, really. Feeling a bit uninspired today, but this was quite a shockingly ugly bit of dance-pop, particularly in comparison to the comparatively lightweight previous singles that I bopped along to in 2003 - this one is far too upset to do so properly, so was among the more unpleasant yet welcome surprises of the year.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 59-53

2004-12-15T21:33:00.000+11:00

59. AGNETHA FALTSKOG - If I Thought You'd Ever Change Your Mind

The first song in my list that has made me say that my first impression was wrong. I was pretty lukewarm about it at first, and wrote as much, almost a guarantee I would come around to it in the end (though not the case with Love Machine!, which I still think is no better than "good"), and in this case, my change of heart rests on one syllable - the very last "mind" in the song, which Agnetha floats over the most wispy, fluttery and gorgeous backing imaginable, very wintery. It's a shame that her album turned out to be so awful, proving that some songs thought to be unwreckable were not so.

58. BIG & RICH - Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)

Not a novelty record. Oh sure, it's country on the surface with "cute" references to bling-bling and a lyric that gets less funny every time you hear it, but to tar it with the novelty brush is to demonstrate a complete ignorance of what mainstream country music is actually like today - put down your Ryan Adams (into the bin, preferably) albums and listen to some ACTUAL COUNTRY - the big hits are literally crammed with bad jokes, lyrical gimmicks and the like - the genre is as winking and knowing as any other and while we could go off and listen to "real" country with no jokes and no fun, I'd rather listen to superior pop like this, because it makes me feel HAPPY.

57. BOOSTA ICONOCLASH - Rock 'n' Roll Robot

One of those pleasant surprises, I spotted this one languishing at the lower end of the Italian top 40 and wondered why it was not higher. In fact, I know nothing about the song or the artist, but I know what I like, and I definitely like this song's jerky drum machines, noises and spazzy guitars, not to mention the bizarrely clipped delivery of the lyrics: "Oh! Oh Oh! Rock'n'roll robot! How I want you! How I need you" with all the emphases on the words you wouldn't expect. A bizarre, highly listenable oddity.

56. K-MARO - Femme Like U

This was going to be higher up, but then I saw the video and it did not feature Cyril and some hot bird cruising down the highway, it features lots of posturing and confrontation. Also, Cyril is really ugly, so I went off it a bit. Nonetheless, this is still awfully smooth, the chorus is fantastic, the cruisy AM rock classic guitar backing is ripe to be stolen by someone else to make a big English language hit about it, and even if they do, I'll still pledge allegiance to this one. Even if nobody else, least of all my pop jurists, agree with me on it. I am STILL right, this is STILL good, so ner to you all. (I still love you guys)

55. FRANZ FERDINAND - Take Me Out

A good pop record. Not the best song of the year, get ahold of yourself everyone! This is just wrong. I like this song plenty, why am I apologising for it being overrated, I mean at least it's something I actually like being given too much credit. Well, that's enough apologising for now. It still stomps and I still like it.

54. M-FLO LOVES BOA - The Love Bug

You will have to excuse me. I'm not writing about this one. I'm reserving it for a Stypod entry early next month. I will just say that this is a wonderful piece of K-Pop that features bad rapping and an interpolation of Rapper's Delight. Gorgeous.

53. DAVID BISBAL - Buleria

Simply the most incredibly kinetic four minutes of pop this year. A Livin' La Vida Loca for the 00s, except even more so. You don't need to create ironic distance to love this, though. The brassiest brass imaginable. The most whirlwind-esque groove you'll here - if you can't move to this, you probably can't move. Though the first time you hear it, you at least have surprise as an excuse because it kicks off with the title and some drums - but from then on, it's shut up and dance time.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 66-60

2004-12-14T22:54:00.000+11:00

66. SCHILLER - Leben (I Feel You)

When I actually saw the lyrics to this written down, I began to question why I liked it so much, but the vocalist, Heppner, has this sort of vaguely enigmatic tone that could probably make anything sound intriguing and profound (Except I heard a Paul Van Dyk song that proved this theory to be a load of rubbish, so there you go).

65. PHOENIX - Everything Is Everything

One of the things about some great pop in 2004 is how it's cognizant of trends in R&B without aping it. Those stuttering, lightning flashes of guitar - The Neptunes wouldn't even need to remix this, they're probably a bit jealous already. Again, it's our ESL popstars that are best at producing this kind of world-weary lyricism - "The things I do possess/sometimes they own me too". Relate or repent.

64. BOSSON - A Little More Time

Vocoded and heliumed to the gills at various times (or is he?), this performs the duel feats of being both airy and squishy. As nice as the verses with their peculiar thudding drum machine blurps are, I was completely won over by the chorus, which is pretty stratospheric - though that may just be the fact that Bosson sounds like he's singing in a room with no air in it.

63. LIBERTY X - Everybody Cries

The dying throes of a fundamentally acceptable mixed-sex pop group. They probably thought they were going to stay at the top when they recorded this, but it still sounds awfully prescient of their gradual decline in chart positions. Clawing and desperate.

62. TM REVOLUTION - Albiero

Though apparently much derided in Japan, this man-who-dresses-as-a-woman fulfils most of my manic J-pop quote. Again, I am thankful for my monolingualism, without which I could not imagine that this song is about, in no particular order, smashing objects for no reason, running around chasing one's own shadow while high on a cocktail of happy pills, being repeatedly slapped in the face and then being welcomed back to reality with a bucket of ice water.

61. SASA, TIN & KEDZO - 365

Possibly Colonia's (Croatian pop powerhouse) most infectious track of the year, three minutes of hip-pop as catchy as Ebola, with the three guys in front being the three runners-up on Croatia's vague equivalent of Idol. Please note: don't download the English version of this track (called Black Is Black) as it's crap, frankly.
Also search: Nista Ili Sve

60. KATY ROSE - Overdrive

In a year where mini-Avrils sold decently and the real Avril was both commercial and critical gold, why was the best single released by any of the knock-offs such a failure? "Yeah yeah!" she goes, as she turns insane in the California sun amid a flurry of gawky, cute couplets and fizzing, buzzing guitars.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 72-67

2004-12-13T22:06:00.000+11:00

72. LE MANS - Countach (Now I'm Dancing)

Kris Le Mans has sung on two songs that I've heard, but I get the feeling that she's versatile. She can do twisted histrionics, but she also does this pumping, bassy, quasi-dance workout. I love the intro riff, which is sort of a nagging aside fitting with the you-suck-and-you-won't-bring-me-down theme of the lyrics. Pop songs about dancing to get over someone or to avoid feeling shit are nowhere near as common as they should be.

71. BODIES WITHOUT ORGANS - Conquering America

Notable for sounding an awful lot like Living On A Prayer done Europop (though Suomen wonders Gimmel beat them to that particular rip-off by a good two years), which is pretty appropriate for a song called Conquering America. Army of Lovers may be long gone, but their spirited, tacky pop will never go away, and BWO are probably their heirs-apparent - producer, pretty vocalists for hire, salacious song titles (Sixteen Tons of Hardware indeed!) and a giddy sense of abandon.
Also search: Living In A Fantasy

70. AIR - Surfing On A Rocket

2004 was the year I finally "got" Air, largely due to this wonderful single and also Cherry Blossom Girl in which the everyday words are rendered delightfully sinsiter in the French accent. "Five four three TWO ONE zee-rooo! You'll never see me again!" is the highlight, but there are perhaps five or six bits competing for second, the dull, thudding plod of the bass, the clicking riff under the chorus, I could go on forever.

69. ESKOBAR - Love Strikes

Though their albums have a bit of a soft country influence, it wasn't really apparent on this teaser single, which was just straightforward, charging indie pop of the best kind. I think something about the crisp drums and the "ooh-ooh-ooh"s in the intro that get me, along with the vaguely fey, sweet delivery - almost squeaky, but in a good way.

68. VESNA PISAROVIC - Ti Si Kriv

The title means "You are guilty", which is pretty perfect. I previously described her voice as being that of a Slavonic Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and I stand by that, but SEB was never this bubbly and aerified, or quite this adorably blank. The sort of mid-90s Eurocheese that's deeply unfashionable hasn't died out in Croatia, but it has gotten considerably more inventive and classy in the last few years. Also: "Woo! Uh-huh! Woo! Uh-huh!".
Also search: I wouldn't know where to start... I'll get back to you.

67. CHARLOTTE HATHERLEY - Kim Wilde

Needs punchier drums, but nonetheless, this has nice crunchy riffs and Charlotte arguably has a better sense of melody than her erstwhile band leader Tim Wheeler, but she shares his ability to sell a line with her wavering vocals and inflections. Oh, and let's not forget the backing vocals, swoons and ooh-bah-bahs and a chorus that just sounds like summer at the beach or something - the title is a complete red herring other than a reference to Kids In America. It doesn't sound like being in love despite the opening - "He looks so good, my honey to me", but it's clearly a rush of something.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 79-73

2004-12-12T21:06:00.000+11:00

79. THE THRILLS - Not For All The Love In The World

It's perfectly reasonable to hate The Thrills, though I actually don't, for their hazy Americana-via-UK stylings which I suppose are a bit sleep-inducing. But I know some of these people own Mercury Rev records so they can't hate this without being grossly hypocritical. If you know what Goddess On A Hiway by the Rev is like, then you basically know this. Listen to this next to any other Thrills song and, strangely, you understand the criticisms - they usually sound numb and boring, not too caring about anything as they're a bunch of slacker kids. On this, suddenly, it's as if they got it right - music, melody, meaning, you know? A sense of palpable hurt, a glorious string arrangement and guitars that sound like weeping. It doesn't quite induce weeping from me, but it's not bad.

78. DO ME BAD THINGS - Time For Deliverance

Why wasn't this absolutely massive? Chugga-chugga indie rock, energetic rather than angry, mind, and A WAILING BINT going all proper singing-like underneath it, and then over the top of it, and then all over it. She's a secret weapon, hived off until a minute in, and what a weapon - it's a trick I don't get too tired of because nobody has ever thought to do it before. And what a chorus it is - loud, shouty, fun and you could probably remember it when drunk, which is probably the most important thing. Big props to the incomparable William B. Swygart who insisted I give this a listen because he just KNEW it would be my kind of thing. It so is.

77. THE STREETS - Dry Your Eyes

Much of its charms have faded, but those first dozen listens were powerful. It's time to put this one away and not listen for another few months and then relive those first experiences again. Some of it sounds a little overcooked, but the best parts are one where Mike Skinner knows just what he wants to say and damned if he's going to let a little thing like sensible metre get in the way - when he crams an extra word in, or doesn't quite have his words right, it feels right - it sounds like desperation, and it is just as sad as it was intended. A couple of chords, a string sample and a universal truth. A blatantly obvious mega-hit, in the best sense of the word (no, not "mega-hit", I mean "obvious").

76. LENA PHILIPSSON - It Hurts/Det Gor Ont

Legs that went on for miles, pole dancing on microphone stands and disco diva stylings par excellence. A frothy disco number in Swedish translated by someone with a diabolical sense of humour or a charming naivety into a song that is clearly about anal sex - I know, I saw the way she looked at the camera when she delivered the lines with the biggest gulf between the connotative and the denotative. All of this would mean nothing if it weren't for the exploding climax that is the lead-in to the last chorus... "You're always on my mind!!!!". The Swedish version can't match that for power, but its preponderence of softer consonants makes it rather beautiful on the ear too. It wouldn't have been my choice to represent Sweden at Eurovision this year, not because it's bad, it's just that Melodifestival had such an embarrassment of treasures this year....

75. AUTOLOVE - Bulletproof Heart

...like this. A magnificent bit of frosted-over electro with a keen lyrical hook, great burbling verses that hint of a menace that doesn't come as the chorus raises the temperature a few degrees into the realm of the habitable. One of the things I love about Swedish lyrics in English is that often they're very clever - they use wordplay and puns better than many native speakers, but often they miss the mark ever so slightly and come up with some neat turns of phrase: "You made love a battlefield/This one I will lose" is not in any way correct, as the "this one" should refer to just a battle, but it's still a memory-resident line. But it's all about the way the singer is weak, then strong, then weak, then strong and then it all collapses in on itself right at the end.

74. KERLI - Beautiful Inside

Estonian wounded-balladry par excellence. She's lost without you and beautiful no matter what they say. That should give you an idea what this sounds like, except, as t.A.T.u. proved, singing it with an Eastern European accent makes it either funnier or more powerful. Her protestation of disinterest - "I don't care about me! I don't care about YOU!" - is clearly false, her declaration - "I'm not trying to hide that I am beautiful inside" - is corny, but that would only be a downside if Kerli sang it with any degree of honesty or earnestness - this pudding is grossly overegged to the point where the histrionics are absolutely delightful.

73. THE DELGADOS - Everybody Come Down

The same cloud of despair that hovers over all their best songs is still here, but it seems like the instruments have been cleaned of it. Emma Pollock, though, her voice is so soaked in demons and doom that even a straightforward, lovely pop song with handclaps drips with a kind of jaded weariness. Frankly, this was a bizarre choice of single when one considers the all-conquering brilliance of Girls of Valour, Come Undone and The City Consumes Us, against any of which this comes off decidedly worse, but on its own merits, this is a short, sharp, sweet indie pop song of the type that people just don't do enough of. Too much meaning, not enough hooks, you see. Not here, though, this is just right.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 85-80

2004-12-11T20:34:00.000+11:00

85. TATA YOUNG - I Believe

Thai starlet Tata could have, if the time had been right, made a splash with her previous single, the nagging and annoying but eventually irresistible Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy but this is the more substantial, catchy song. Something of a bridge for me this year between Europop and Asian pop - it's not hard to imagine this having a slightly different beat, maybe some guitar added and it being served on a platter to some raunchy Swedish lass, but Tata makes a good go of it, milking the trite lyrics for all they're worth, making it playful rather than cloying.
Also search: I'd Do Anything To Make You Love Me

84. MARLY - You Never Know

"Haha! She's Danish! Like Whigfield! Remember Whigfield? Wasn't she funny?". Idiots. I must admit I predicted big things for this single when I heard it back in April, and to see it stiff just inside the UK Top 30 about 5 months later disappointed me, because the Morjac Radio Edit of this is as fine an example of pop-dance as you're likely to have heard this year. I love the intonations Marly gives the lines on the verses, sliding around the verses in a sort of naughty fashion, actually giving it some personality before abandoning any quirks or kinks to deliver the chorus exactly as it was intended.

83. DANNII MINOGUE vs FLOWER POWER - You Won't Forget About Me

The individual elements of this are great, so why I've put it at #82 I don't know, but a listen of it next to I Begin To Wonder or Don't Wannt Lose This Feeling confirm my ranking - it's not quite in the league of those two, but it's still great. Of course, Dannii's flighty cooing of the chorus works, and the gliding strings behind it are wonderful, it's just that she's done better, and will do so again. After all, she has never been one to give an album's best track away as the first single.

82. AMY WINEHOUSE - Fuck Me Pumps

A cork pops, and it may as well be someone clicking their fingers and demanding "Cue glamour!". But it isn't glamorous, the character in this song is pathetic. But it's easy to point out people's flaws, and Ms Winehouse at least acknowledges that the skankily dressed good-time-gal and her ilk keep the nightlife alive, and it's almost affectionate. Equally crucial is the fact that this sways and bounds very agreeably even if the lyrics aren't quite as clever as Amy thinks they are.

81. GROOVE COVERAGE - Poison

What I said earlier about covering rock songs becomes even more true as the age of the original increases. Faceless trance-pop in a good way, and funny to boot. The original was funny too, it just took a hilarious dance version to make me realise it. Someone (who? I can't remember) said it helps if you hate Alice Cooper, but that's simply not true, as I have great regard for the man dating back to watching an old Beta tape of his Muppet Show appearances as a tiny person. Lighters are waving, strobe lights are flashing and I'm dancing in my chair right now.
Also search: She

80. GABRY PONTE featuring LITTLE TONY - Figli Di Pitagora

Gabry was in Eiffel 65, who if I ever listened to beyond the singles which I didn't like, probably would have totally been my thing. Especially if they had any more songs like this one - which has now been re-recorded solo with the assistance of Little Tony. And to put it mildly, it's absolutely glorious. Every cheesy Italo-disco cliche is wheeled out and a new pop axiom has been found: disco songs are even better when sung by crooners and accompanied by fuzzy, swirling Italo house. If Dragostea Din Tei was your favourite single of 2004, you should consider this as a contender for your #2.
Also search: Gabry's excellent cover of The Rasmus's In The Shadows.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 92-86

2004-12-10T20:55:00.000+11:00

92. THE DIVINE COMEDY - Come Home Billy Bird

Maybe it's because I was an indie kid in the 90s, but I heart Lauren Laverne, who gets to sing the delightful chorus on this ode to a weary air traveller, meaning that I can enjoy this without actually listening to that bloke from The Divine Comedy going on and on. Not that he does, this crams in four - count them - verses, four choruses, each of them as meltingly sing-along as the last. It still sounds like the romanticised idea of the English coast held exclusively by people who have never been there. And as a character narrative, it's rather sweet and likeable, which is a bit of a rarity.

91. TESS - The Second You Sleep

At first glance, almost an odd-man-out in a sea of indie and rock in this entry, but lo, this is a cover of Saybia's extremely affecting 2001 single - I love Scandinavian rock, even long after the UK and US equivalents have soured in my mind -done as a glorious up-tempo Europop stormer. Basically, then, my two favourite genres in one. Tess doesn't quite put enough feeling into the key line - "I wish by God you'd stay!", so it is a tiny bit unfeeling, but by finding the insidiously catchy lighters-aloft, handbag-in-the-air monster that possibly lurks in every dressed-down guitar dirge and bringing it out so well, it's worth more than being heard as part of an A-B comparison with the original. More Europop covers of rock songs, please.

90. RAMMSTEIN - Mein Teil

Functional, if not literal translation: You are what you eat. And you know what it is. It's my dick. Yes, a song about that crazy German guy who tried to eat his boyfriend's penis, but ended up with inedible crispy cock because it's all cartilege or something. And it's comical in a way that is clearly trying to be menacing, but can't quite get there because the whole thing is a punchline.
Also search: Moskau, Amerika

89. BLINK 182 - I Miss You

Between 1997 and 2002, ver 182 could probably stake a claim as being my Least Favourite Working Band. Everything between, shall we say, Dammit and Stay Together For The Kids brought out a kind of seething rage that I couldn't quite explain. But before those songs, I quite liked the old Blink - I even borrowed a copy of their early album Cheshire Cat and quite liked it. So this is their best single since Apple Shampoo or M&Ms - give me another few listens and I may yet say it's better, but it's a slow-burner. Hoppus and DeLonge still sound annoying but it fits this time. "You're already the voice inside my head (I miss you" - that shouldn't work, but it does.

88. TEDDYBEARS STHLM - Cobrastyle

Built upon a sample from Mad Cobra, but so much more than that. As any fool knows, the key to a hook you can't understand is sound you can work with. You might have to approximate it when you sing along or dance to it "Bom diggy bom bi dang-by dang diggy diggy" but that's essential for it to find purchase in your brain. A teensy bit of an underground favourite amongst pop snobs outside its home country of Sweden (STHLM = Stockholm), but a big hit within, and rightly so - a collision of hooks and styles, guitar bits, beats, "whoa-whoa-whoa" - everything mindless and catchy present and correct.
Also search: The album, Fresh. It's really great.

87. THE FUTUREHEADS - Decent Days And Nights

At first it sounds shambolic and thrown together. That's about as far from reality as possible, as this is meticulous in its lo-fi detail; from the clunkily thrown-together phrasing of the chorus, the two-part line repetitions that flow over each other, the jolting indie-dance strut of the riff, the way it's shouty and angular but not too shouty and angular to be peppy and poppy.
Also search: Most of the self-titled album, but especially Hounds of Love.

86. THE POLYPHONIC SPREE - Hold Me Now

Music to be uproariously happy to. A show tune that exists without a show, a mournful middle section, choruses that warm the heart and just about every other place, trumpets that are clarion calls demanding you stand to attention and be CONTENT RIGHT THIS MINUTE - an absolute triumph of uplifting that would surely have the same effect on anyone else who has a heart. At this rate, the third stage of the Spree should be hugely zesty indeed.

Top 100 Singles of 2004-ish: 96-93

2004-12-10T01:01:00.000+11:00

96. FREELAND - Supernatural Thing

Actually I heard this in 2003 but it came out in January, and how something so buzzy and squelchy flopped so majorly I don't really know. Possibly a little too long and brash to be a pop single, and a little too slow to be a dance single? The world's loss.

95. COURTNEY LOVE - Mono

There's a little bit (though not much) flab on Courtney's album, but there's absolutely none on this single. Three minutes stuffed to the gills with great Courtney moments - self aggrandizement, drugs, sex, everything you'd expect. Anthemic chorus? Check. She doesn't bother to hit notes or anything, but her sneer is the charm and hook and nobody crafts a lyrical hook like her, much though everyone may try.

94. EMMA BUNTON - I'll Be There

I love this a lot, but Emma, Emma, Emma, you really should have released Breathing instead - that'd gave given you Number One on a platter. Still, this one is full to the brim with classic moments - the harmonica solo, the way the end of the first chorus sounds like the very end before the second verse comes in, the sweeping strings behind the verses, the fact that Emma really can sing...

93. DAVID GUETTA - Just A Little More Love

The opening track and first single from the rather fine album of the same name, this is a rather wondrous piece of franco-dance as uncomplicated and bounding as you could wish for. It's just so... nice and optimistic that I can forgive the fact that it seems silly that such a trite lyric is sung so absolutely earnestly - but I wouldn't want it any other way.

Top 100 singles of 2004-ish: 100-97

2004-12-06T16:51:00.000+11:00

100. KAKSIO - Tytto Taansii Vaan

Those crazy Finns doing a rather better job of making the sort of stuff that Kylie's Body Language LP should have sounded like - alien bleeps, choruses that were off-kilter but endlessly catchy even if you don't understand a word of it and a general atmosphere of futuristic cool.
Also search: Ajatellen Sua

99. BELLE & SEBASTIAN - I'm A Cuckoo

No longer can I use liking Belle & Sebastian as a reason why indie kids have worse taste than me because this really was quite an excellent single. It helps to be obvious with your influences - here, The Boys Are Back In Town, but it's slightly more important to have hooks everywhere, which this does - the sprightly brass in the break, the memorable lines in the verses, the cute little riffs that introduce the song - these people were supposed to be twee - right?

98. PAPS'n'SKAR - Mirage (La Luna)

A true exemplar of simple, catchy Europop, perhaps a less manic Junior Senior without that drum sample. Ingratiatingly catchy - particularly the chorus and the differently-voiced prechorus. A simple beat, a simple melody, even simpler lyrics, all repeated endlessly - not too much mystery here, but done with a great deal of skill and care - a little bit special as a result.

97. PAOLO MENEGUZZI - Baciami

It's remarkable how much stick Paolo gives this when everything else sounds cheap - the whole thing sounds constructed on a moderately-priced keyboard - with the crowning glory that elevates this into being delightful is merely the result of someone who turned their MIDI sampler onto "Orchestral Hit" and pressed two notes in the chorus. It's certainly cheap, but it's also very playful at the same time. His ladylove would have to be able to look past the cheap clothing (the production) but with this much enthusiasm, it doesn't seem important.

It's Edward's top 100 Singles of the year.. soon!

2004-12-03T13:05:00.000+11:00

Hello! I am still posting from Internet cafes, damn it. But I shall be starting my top 100 singles of the year soon. 100 because I am appalling and this was such a good year I was spoilt for choice. For instance, my #20 single of 2004 would have probably been #8 if it had come out in 2003.

But anyway! A fun game for readers. Here are 10 singles from 2004:

Agnetha Faltskog - If I Thought You'd Ever Change Your Mind
Alcazar - This Is The World We Live In
Big & Rich - Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)
Darren Hayes - Popular
Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
Mania - Looking For A Place
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei
Shaznay Lewis - Never Felt Like This Before
The 411 - On My Knees
Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue

Nine of them appear in my top 100 of 2004. One of them doesn't. Your task is to predict the position in the top 100 for each of the nine singles, as well as guess which one does not appear. And, because I'm generous, this shall be a competition. Whoever does the bestest will get sent some tat! This will likely be a mix CD of some kind as well as some of the contents of the $1 single bin and the $3 album bin at one of Edward's preferred cheap record emporia - I once picked up Daphne & Celeste for $2, so you know you'll be getting quality AND quantity.

Scoring will be as follows: 1 point for each position away from correct. -100 points for guessing the song that is not in my top 100. The lowest score wins. Entries by email to edwardok at gmail dot com, or use the comment box.

Entries close as soon as one of these songs makes an appearance.

Here, for no other reason, are the songs that didn't quite make it, they being 101-125:

101. Cathy Davey - Clean And Neat
102. Kylie Minogue - I Believe In You
103. Fountains of Wayne - Hey Julie
104. Christian Forss - Unforgettable
105. Edguy - Lavatory Love Machine
106. Johnny Boy - You Are The Generation That Bought More Shoes...
107. Ivana Brkic - Njezno Njeznije
108. Tube & Berger - Straight Ahead
109. Javine - Best Of My Love
110. Toe Tag - Deja Vu
111. Morrissey - First Of The Gang To Die
112. The Preluders - Hotter Than You Know
113. Ruslana - Wild Dances
114. Mark Owen - Makin' Out
115. The Von Bondies - C'mon C'mon
116. Xandee - Ay Que Calor
117. George Michael - Amazing
118. Farolfi vs Gambafreaks - Subtravel
119. The Walkmen - The Rat
120. Babasonicos - Putita
121. Mull Historical Society - How 'Bout I Love You More?
122. Minnie Driver - Everything I've Got In My Pocket
123. Natalia - Risin'
124. Colder - Follow
125. Pearl - J'ai des choses a te dire

VUCO – Pijanica

2004-12-03T07:29:00.000+11:00

WHO THE HELL IS VUCO? Only the greatest madman of Croatian pop! Sinisa Vuco is a misanthrope who openly roots for humandkind’s demise, but still loves to party. He holds himself in high regard, and often talks about himself in third person. He’s equally appaled by Croatia not having brothels and by Croatia not having a proper comics market, and obsessively collects italian comics about a cowboy called Tex Willer. He even has a song about him! And a song about the joys of one brothel in Frankfurt. He’s married, and has children named after ancient German monarchs. Has claimed that if on average women weighed more than men, they’d erradicate them off the face of the planet. He applauds capital punishment, and thinks the Earth would be better off by exterminating approximately two billion people (didn’t specify which two billion, though!). While recording as Vuco, he goes from Croatian pop over Bosnian rock to Serbian folk. With his hard-rock outfit Zivo blato (Quicksand), he has made THE GREATEST ROCK ALBUM EVER MADE BY MAN OR ANIMAL – tho’ you have to be fluent in Croatian to be fully able to grasp that fact, sorry! He’s also made a failed attempt at cracking the American market with Zivo blato/Vuco songs sung in hilariously bad English (right click: Quicksand - Endless Number Of The Women). Also! Had started another side-project, a hardcore thrash-metal combo called Klanje ljudi (The Slaughter Of People), the members of which had names like Bloodthirsty Hrvoje, The Headsmasher (drums) and Dead Cat, The Eye Gouger (bass). They seem to have disbanded cause he couldn’t get any gigs anywhere, after local authorities banned the proposed debut gig at a graveyard.

“PIJANICA”, THEN: Relentlessly upbeat (and typically accordion-heavy) Serbian-folk/gypsy-pop monster of a tune.

WHAT’S THIS SONG ABOUT? Most Vuco songs follow the same pattern: our hero’s woman leaves him for some other dude cause he’s an unreliable drunkard, so he drinks away the pain. Usually in a cheerful manner. For evidence, you need not look further than his song titles: “I Love Drinking and Making Love”, “Just Let Me Drink”, “I Wanna Drink”, “I Drink Wine and It Drinks Me”, “Get Me Drunk”, “Drunk Yesterday Drunk Today”… This one’s called “Drunkard”! The love of his life holds a wedding with some other dude, and he has to be dragged away home ‘cause he got miserably drunk. He laments how he’s been a lost cause since his childhood and how everyone’s given up on him, but most of all is angry-sad ‘cause he’s sure she still secretly loves him. So he keeps drinking.

ANY OTHER TUNES BY THIS GUY TO CHECK OUT? “Danas je moj dan” (turkish-soca madness with cheap-ass casios galore!), “Ostao sam sam”, “Pusti me da pijem”, “Na vjencanju tvome”, “Kraljica kafana”, "Crna zeno"…

Vuco - Pijanica

this presentation has been brought to you by Mind Taker.

P.S. Sinisa Vuco hates drugs, coffee, cigarettes and all soft drinks. Nowadays he drinks only quality wine, and claims everyone should get properly drunk once a week. During a chat show last week, he said that when he comes home drunk late at night, sometimes he wakes up his kids so he can play with them. On the same chat show, he performed his new single, "Proklet bio alkohol" ("Cursed Be Thy Alcohol"). Here's a picture of Vuco from several years ago, caught in a rare moment when he didn't have his trademark long hair.

(Editor's note: For god's sake people, download Endless Number - it truly has to be heard to be believed - it's one of the greatest things you will ever hear, especially if you have an appreciation of the sublime and the ridiculous - EO)

What Will The Belgian Say?

2004-12-03T05:06:00.000+11:00

Here types a happy bunny. The past two days have seen respectively The Album Which Will Bring All Pop Music To A Standstill* (i.e. Girls Aloud's What Will The Neighbours Say?) and Lena Philipsson's delightfully-titled Det gör ont en stund p? natten men inget p? dan** land neatly inside my letterbox. Whether I shall post a track-by-track rundown of either disque, depends upon the enthusiasm of the EBM readers.

What I CAN do for now is draw a comparison of the packaging, and in this respect, Lena clearly comes out on top. Not only does her album come with a fab glossy booklet and within a mightily cool jewel case (the type I've only ever seen DVD singles packaged in), but moreover, and more importantly, the text on the spine faces THE RIGHT BLOODY WAY!!!! I'm sorry, The Aloud, but having an incompetent artwork director*** who fails to ensure that the artist and album title on the spine face the right direction and are therefore in tune with the rest of your CD shelf, is just NOT on. Not even Nicola's blissfully disarming gurning in the booklet photos can compensate for this glaring omission.

* Until The New Erasure Album Gets Released, That Is
** There really ought to be more pop albums with eleven-word titles. I'd have one of those anyday over cliché ones like Stronger or The Long Road Ahead or *shudders* Ronan Keating - 10 Years of Hits.
*** If Polydor can afford such a person -- and if they do, I bet it's the same incompetent fool who labelled the track "I Won't Dance With You" on Sophie EB's Shoot from the Hip long-player as "I Won't Dance Without You" on the back cover. Ugh.

-- Andries

Chart Challenge REMIX: Sweden!

2004-11-29T18:55:00.000+11:00

Yes, posting from someone else's computer. I feel so dirty, even if the computer belongs to my parents. I'm soiling it with Europop. Sweden, the Mecca of pop, and a few familiar songs in the 10, but only one round repeat, Eric Prydz (7).

2. ELIN LANTO - I Won't Cry
EO: 8, DV: 7, SS: 7, JP: 5, SN: 8. Adjusted score: 8

SN: Awww, she sounds SO cute!
JP: This sounds like a typical Pop Idol winner's song but apparently it isn't. I personally don't get it's popularity. It's like Emilia's Big Big World but a bit rubbish.
EO: Yes, it sounds like a song that sounded like another song. I don't care, I like it.
SN: Cuter than Emilia, and I didn't think that was possible!
SS: Well at first I thought this was pretty bland, but it grew on me a little after a couple of hearings, and now I think it's just alright. Really, it's just the typical "I'm strong, and i'm over you" songs, which are a bit shit ususally, this one doesn't have the same effect as Big Big World though, misses some of it's charm, and I don't really think it'll go outside of Sweden.
SN: It sounds like a nursery rhyme, except that it's actually about inner strength (or something) as opposed to bloody sheep in a paddock or whatever. Stupid key change though.

3. THE WALLSTONES - Good Old Stonecake
EO: 7, DV: 1, JP: 7, SN: 7, KG: 8. Adjusted score: 6

KG: Harmonious, feel-good, derivative, and delicious! It sounds like so many songs that I love.
JP: This is rather fun and one of them is quite the buff hottie. But what is a stonecake? Or am I better off not knowing?
SN: Maybe it means something else in Swedish? Rather irritatingly, this song reminds me of some other song to the point where I can sing the (rather anthemic and wonderful) melody along with it. I can't remember the song though, which pisses me off no end.
EO: Bit boring in the verses, but nice and rousing and silly silly fun fun in the choruses.
DV: There's a saying in Spain that goes "people boil beans everywhere", which sort of means "everybody has a dark side" though I never got the boiling beans metaphor. I think it could be changed to "there are boring brit-pop bands charting even in Sweden" and it would be easier to understand.

4. BRIAN McFADDEN - Real To Me
EO: 0, DV: 1, SS: 4, JP: 0, SN: 3, KG: 7. Adjusted score: 3

SN: In high school music class, girls would sit at the piano and play endless arpeggios up and down the piano keyboard in an attempt to be moody and Gothic. Brian apparently held one of them at knifepoint and made them repeat their stupid efforts while he composed a "heartfelt" "melody" over the top of them.
SS: One of the fakest songs I've ever heard.
EO: Not content with being in Westlife, causing Atomic Kitten to become shit by knocking up the best member to be replaced by Jenny fucking Frost, now he's rock. Rock music is unacceptable. Again, without wishing to manipulate my jurists, I recommended a zero for this, because it's a travesty.
KG: There's no way I am giving this a zero, Edward. This is a gloriously blandiose showbiz lament from a man who split from the worst boy band of the century so he could spend more time with his wife and then split from his wife so he could spend more time in the studio trying to sound like Brain McAdams and then sang a song about the whole process. And it features the genius line 'a dangerous time to let your head make up its own mind'. I can't wait for the Brian and Kerry reconciliation duet.
DV: I don't think this song deserves a zero and I find it disgusting that Edward is so manipulative about the score this song might get.
SN: Not bad enough for a zero (sorry, Edward), but not all that spectacular either
JP: As usual all I have to say to Brian is GO AWAY!
SS: I usually don't care about the lyrics that much but he's so trying to be something he most certinaly isn't, and those poor piss lyrics about how much he cares about his family are beyond ridiculous seeing as he did a cheap promo trick of breaking up with his wife around the single's release, and I mean if he suffered so much in the music business, then why did he come back so quickly? (To share his suffering with us, obviously - EO)

5. ARASH - Bora Bora
EO: 7, DV: 4, SS: 8, JP: 9, SN: 5, KG: 7. Adjusted score: 7

EO: A mix of (middle) East and North. Quite tantalising, too.
JP: I don't usually go for these pop-meets-bhangra singles but I really like this. It just gets stuck in your head and is heaps of fun to dance around to.
SS: For the record I heard somewhere he's from Iran! which makes him the first Iranian popstar and also explains what that language is. I like this, it's cacthy and it's fun and it has the Indian vibe samples used by Jay Sean recently and also by Tweet I think.
KG: Originally I wrote this off as another cash-in on the Punjabi thing. But this guy is Iranian. And he lives in Sweden. So why does the video feature that Bollywood backdrop?
SS: This one can definitely go international, the only thing is it's about 2 years late ... 2 years ago every record label would jump on this.
SN: Well, it's alright I guess. But Arash is no Punjabi MC, is he? Hell, he's barely a Holly Valence. I've always been a bit wary of Middle Eastern-influenced pop music since Baby Boy (dammit, Beyonce, do you have to ruin everything for me?), and this isn't going to change my mind any time soon.

6. BRITNEY SPEARS - My Prerogative
EO: 5, DV: 5, SS: 0, JP: 4, SN: 8, KG: 1. Adjusted score: 4

SS: Worst. Cover. Ever.
KG: I am just going to file this under 'bad Britney' and move on with my life.
DV: It kind of tries to summarize Britney's career but it turns out a big mess, not unlike my CV.
EO: The absolute minimum Bloodshy & Avant could have done to fulfil their contract, ditto Britney.
SS: Well maybe not ever, there are still those memories of Atomic Kitten unfortunately.
JP: This is probably my least favourite Britney single, it's a shame she couldn't have gone with one of the other new songs on her Greatest Hits which are in my opinion far better. She just sounds annoying on this one.
SN: More cod-Indian, thank God it doesn't last for long. Okay, so her voice is somewhat less than...well, passable...but it's still a joyous throwback to the stomping rhythms of her Max Martin days. Plus it's Britney, and I still heart her, in spite of everything (thanks, Popjustice).
EO: To be fair, it's not as bad as that one Dido wrote. But Do Something should have been the teaser single for her greatest hits.
SS: It's so over produced yet sounds really rushed at the same time, and that is without mentioning the fact that the original was a not so good song to begin with, so Britney in her desperate attempt to go for a bit of an Urban sound just made it worse then it ever was. And didn't she already release too many songs about "how hard it is to be a popstar", I mean who really cares??? I most certinaly DON'T.

7. NATASHA BEDINGFIELD - These Words
EO: 6, DV: 8, SS: 9, JP: 9, SN: 10, KG: 7. Adjusted score: 9

SS: Now this is a pop song! Really I muchly enjoyed this when it was new, now after the Israeli radios being late again, overplay is starting to kill it for me, but not just yet.
EO: I've gone off this one quite a bit, but it's the only song on her album with any proper oomph.
KG: The N.Z. Nelly Furtado shows a lot more competence in the lower registers than her big brother Dan, and the huskiness herein is appealing. I am enjoying the oh-so-po-mo juxtaposition of real-life strings and synthy keyboard orchestra hits. Pity she looks so mumsy in the video.
SN: I love this song so much that I can't even take marks off for "hyperbowl." And even if I did, I'd add them straight back on for rhyming "Byron, Shelley and Keats" with "hip-hop beats."
JP: I never expected this to do so well when I first heard it but it's a lovely song, much more interesting than most mid-tempo pop out now with clever lyrics and she sounds far less annoying than she did on Single.
DV: Nothing to argue against this beautifully and cleverly arranged piece of meta-syrup.
SS: Oh and one last thing, I never checked, but I do really hope she actually wrote this song, otherwise it's about bad as Brian McFadden.

8.LENA PHILIPSSON - Lena Anthem
EO: 10, DV: 10, SS: 10, JP: 8, SN: 9, KG: 10. Adjusted score: 10

EO: Fun fact: Musically, this is based upon her late 80s hit Dansa i Neon which was great. Now it's been updated and reswizzled, it's even better.
KG: Obviously this gets a 10 (as if that were enough). It's literally orgasmic and that's about all I can say. She is better than Abba.
SS: Of course like a lot of people I was cheering for her to win the ESC earlier this year, unfortunately she didn't. But she's definitely made up for it, first she gave us Delirium and now this corking tune.
DV: This is my favourite song of the year.
JP: I grew to really like her 2 recent singles when they were all over the radio when I was in Sweden. This one is wonderfully manic and I'm sure I'd be singing along full force if I knew any Swedish.
EO: Marry me, Lena PH! I don't care if you're 15 years older than me, really.
SS: I fell in love with it from the first listen, it's so energetic and fun! I think the music during the chorus is a bit I Feel Love from Ms. Donna Summer and it works perfectly really, this song really should get an English version (hopefully a bit better than It Hurts) and become a huge seller in all the mainland!
SN: Anyone who doesn't bop around in their chair at the sound of this thumping chromatic bassline is officially dead inside. And probably outside as well, come to think of it.
EO: The production on this is so tight, it's pounding off the walls and inside my head, and making me very very happy indeed.

9. FABRIZIO FANIELLO - I'm In Love
EO: 9, DV: 7, SS: 6, JP: 8, SN: 6, KG: 8. Adjusted score: 8

KG: I always barrack for Malta in the Eurovision, so it was with great joy that I learnt of Fabrizio's 'whistle hit' cracking the Swedish Top 10, i.e. pop nirvana. It is slightly reminiscent of Don't Turn Around by Ace of Base, and I mean that in a good way. Malte! Huit Points!
SS: Originally a hit in Norway (and Israel) for John The Whistler, the original was a good song really, and definitely superior to this cover.
EO: I prefer this to the original, actually. Because it sounds like Steps now!
SN: Could it be possible that this song really DOES combine the best bits from After The Love Is Gone and Deeper Shade of Blue, thereby forming one ubersong potent enough to reclaim Europop as the most superior music genre in the history of everything ever? Well, no. I don't recall EITHER of those songs having a whistle in them, for one. And they were both a bit less insubstantial than this, weren't they? Sigh.
SS: Fabrizio has been trying to break the European market for years now having lots of flop singles till this, the most notable of which might as well be his 2001 ESC entry for his homeland of Malta ("Another Summer Night" I think) where he has the worst eyebrows you could imagine. I hope he fixed those.
JP: Very Alcazar-esque so I love it. Not quite This Is The World... but still very catchy and I love the whistling.
DV: Not much of a song in there, but it's not as if he doesn't know it, and more to the point it's not as if his "supersonic girl" minds. The things we do for love.

10. CHRISTIAN WALZ - Wonderchild
EO: 10, DV: 8, SS: 9, JP: 10, SN: 8, KG: 8. Adjusted score: 10

EO: Magnificent pop.
KG: It sounds like he's saying 'how do you run the Spiegeltent'.
SS: It really is a fine example of the Swedish pop culture! I really like that melody in it! it's so damn good! And doesn't he sound like the lost brother of Darren Hayes? (not always a good thing mind) I have nothing to say anymore apart from the fact I loved this on first listen.
JP: Absolutely love this one. I can't believe it's taken since August for it to get into the top 10. How did it not go to no.1 instantly?
EO: Beautifully arranged and produced, lovely melody, embarrassing singing voice. Result.
SN: And the award for the Most Unintentionally Hilarious Singing Voice Ever goes to...He really does sound like a bit of a ponce, doesn't he? If he got himself a different voicebox (one without the vocoder option would be nice), this would probably be quite spectacular. Quite good on its own though.

That's a massive 72 points for Sweden, it being the songs from overseas letting the side down. We have even two 10s here, and while Lena PH scored higher, I actually posted it all the way back in July, so for those of you who weren't lucky enough to download Wonderchild off Into The Groove way back when, here it is. (if there is demand, I shall repost Lena PH, though! Comment box, people).

Christian Walz - Wonderchild.

2004-11-29T18:36:00.000+11:00

While I wait for this poxy, poxy computer I am stuck with for the time being to encode an Mp3, I would like to fulfil MY DUTY and mention that the lovely girls at CFB Goes Pop! will sponsor a child if 20 pages mention faded 80s superstar Collette by December 15. They even sent me an MP3 of my favourite Collette song (Who Do You Think You Are? - has there ever been a bad song by that title? I DO NOT THINK SO!) so I was kind of powerless to respond...

Swedish chart challenge coming soon! Yes, posting while away from home is teh suck.

She thinks that SHE'll be the victress, SHE should think twice...

2004-11-28T10:41:00.000+11:00

Firstly, I would like to make a public apology to Edward for being tardy on the Swedish ballot. I wish I could use an excuse other than sheer negligence but alas, I can't. However, I hope this post might make up for it, as it is a double whammy of voluptuous Flemish Pop Idol diva Natalia. It consists of her brand new single "Fragile Not Broken" (also opening track of her second album Back for More, which I really ought to get round to purchasing). Those who enjoyed her second single, the über-majestic "I've Only Begun to Fight", will more than likely enjoy a shuffle to this as well, as it pretty much picks up where that fine single left off.

For good measure I have thrown in the instrumental version of "I've Only Begun..." as well. Now you're all set for your full-on Natalia karaoke experience!

Enjoy!

Natalia - Fragile Not Broken & I've Only Begun to Fight (Instrumental)

- Andries

MAGAZIN - Kad u vojsku podjes

2004-11-24T13:30:00.000+11:00

WHO THE HELL ARE MAGAZIN? One of the most long-standing Croatian pop institutions - started in the eighties by Tonci Huljic, sort of a Max Martin-type figure in this region. Since then they’ve changed a few frontwomen and got more sophisticated… sometimes with wonderful results, sometimes to their detriment. Their early stuff is bursting with care-free, unadulterated joy, and this is a prime example. Nowadays, Tonci Huljic’s protegee Maksim Mrvica - a young pop-classical pianist, kinda like a male Vanessa Mae without the violin but with raver-chic hairdos - is very popular in the far east (apparently). Huljic has also written and produced several tunes for a British girl-group called Bond, of whom I know nothing except that they’re usually referred to as "the classical Spice Girls".

"KAD U VOJSKU PODJES", THEN: singalong Mediterranean disco-not-disco that nonchalantly breezes by as much as it stomps. The pre-bridge chorus is KILLER. And the thing I love most in the chorus is those male backing vocals rushing in, like they just gatecrashed a party and immediately started singing with the people at the nearest table.

WHAT’S THIS SONG ABOUT? Our heroine’s boyfriend is going away to the army. She assures him that she’ll hold out for him. She also occasionally sings from his viewpoint, and he’s concerned by his friends telling him how his girl doesn’t love him anymore. Which, of course, is so not true!!!

ANY OTHER TUNES BY THIS BAND TO CHECK OUT? The perky-as-hell "Kokolo" for their 80s phase, the glorious "Suze biserne" for the 90s.

Magazin - Kad u vojsku podjes

As I've already told Edward, I'm a complete retard when it comes to HTML so i hope this post comes out right... if it does, and all goes well with you, my dear reader, downloading the file properly - then leave a comment please to let me know! i'd also very much like to hear what you thought of the tune. cheers, Mind Taker.

Belgian Chart Rewind -- Take It Back in Time, Take it Back in Time...

2004-11-24T05:32:00.000+11:00

Greetings, pop-picking comrades!

I am Edward Substitute #2, Andries, and as La Trec once sang: I wanna go back toooooo, back to the days when I neeeedeeeed a little more fuuuuun…

For my first – and possibly last (depending how fast I, and the EBM readership, tire of it) – Belgian chart rewind I’m going back ten years, to the final week of November 1994. I was nearly eleven, had just started my first year of secondary school, and my listening diet consisted mostly of whatever was high up the charts, trashy Eurodance and the soundtrack of low-budget French sitcom Hél?ne et les garçons. Thankfully my tastes would improve with the years *hides his copies of The Best of Baccara and The Essential Sandra*

Off we go:

1 (2) KING OF YOUR HEART - Good Shape

This was a (really rather rubbish) four-piece Boy Band in the 2 Unlimited-style Eurodance mould, world-famous in Belgium for about two years. Their trademark was the fact they always wore tailor suits, even whilst performing strenuous dance routines (which more often than not made them work up a rather offputting sweat). Oh, and the lead singer had a Jimmy Somerville-esque falsetto. According to an MSN fan group I’ve found, he IS happily married with kids these days though… make of that wat you will.

Anyway, they had three consecutive chart-toppers in 1994, of which this was the final, following as it did in the wake of earlier #1s “Take My Love” and “Give Me Fire”. Unlike said two tracks, I don’t have this anywhere in my collection, and can’t really remember anything from it apart from the chorus. A perfect Boy Band single then.

Rating: about 6/10 at the time, haven’t heard it ever since so can’t revise, but I somehow doubt it would be higher…

2 (1) COTTON EYE JOE - Rednex

Letting go of the top spot after five weeks. I remember absolutely adoring it when I first heard it (somewhere in August that year), but by this point even I must have tired of it. I was even able to unmask the identikit follow-up “Old Pop in an Oak” as the cheap cash-in that it was. It must be said though, I did think the third single, the surprise ballad “Wish You Were Here” (which I haven’t heard in YONKS), was rather endearing…

Rating: 9/10 at the time, 3 today (sorry, Eurocheese nostalgists)

3 (4) ALWAYS - Bon Jovi

Of the approximately two musical styles that Bon Jovi have explored in their singles output over the past twenty years, this one was quite obviously taken from the drawer labelled “Tear-Jerking Power Ballad” (with letters written out in thick black felt pen and underlined twice for good measure). Still, in this particular case their tried-and-tested formula was actually quite effective for some reason or other. I am rather peeved however that this “Always” is still widely remembered today, while the Erasure single of the same title, released just a few months earlier in ’94, is now forgotten by all and sundry, while being considerably superior. Grmblrmgg, and so forth.

Rating: 8/10 at the time, still a neat 7 today

4 (6) DON’T STOP (WIGGLE, WIGGLE) - Outhere Brothers

Even as a ten-year-old I thought this was about as amusing as gonorrhoae. (But then it was disclosed by Edward in the Croatian chart challenge that I hate fun, so maybe it’s just me.)

Rating: 2/10 at the time, two less today

5 (5) IT’S A RAINY DAY - Ice MC

Eh-ehh! Soundalike follow-up to his summer smash “Think About the Way” (bizarrely not a hit in his native Britain until 1996 after being included on the Trainspotting soundtrack, and even then it only made low Top 40), but BETTER! Which you can’t say about too many soundalike follow-ups, you have to admit. An “It’s a Sin”-tastic organ intro too! And it has the line “Life is like a telephone call”! What’s there to dislike, other than the accent and the whole thing sounding quite horribly dated ten years down the line?

Rating: 9/10 at the time, 7 today

6 (3) NO ONE - 2 Unlimited

Now, their Real Things album was the very first album that I bought on the date of release (on tape, admittedly), and I remember having fun picking the possible singles on initial listenings. I don’t think this was on my shortlist, being more laidback than their usual hi-NRG offerings, and as such it was a surprising choice for second single. Not what you’d call BAD though (and they did have some album tracks which could pass as that). My favourite line in this one: “No-one knows, yo, will I know / Like Janet Jackson "That’s the way love goes"”.

Rating: same as above, i.e. 9 then, 7 now

7 (7) WELCOME TO TOMORROW - Snap!

Yet another new vocalist wheeled in, a faux-blonde called “Summer” if memory serves me. Twas rather good too, if memory serves me equally well. Ah-ahhhhhhh-ah-ah-ah…(Are you ready? Are you ready?)

Rating: 9/10 at the time, 8 now

8 (8) ENDLESS LOVE - Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey

Mariah released no less than three above-mediocre singles in 1994, which surely makes it the peak year from her entire career. Alas, this wasn’t one of them. The original never did it for me either though.

Rating: 1/10 at the time, about the same now

9 (11) OUT OF MY MIND - Def Dames Dope

History lesson now for all you non-Flemings: Def Dames Dope (or DDD, and actually pronounced “Dee-Dee-Dee” rather than, say, “Triple D”) were a four-piece girl group, very popular in Flanders in the years 1993-95, and (I think) masterminded by the same producers behind 2 Unlimited. They were originally centered around Antwerp-based sisters Axana and Larissa, but by this point the latter had left and been replaced, by an outspokenly equine lady. Not that this had any notable consequences on the musical direction, mind you. This had a particularly catchy “I’m going myyy way, it would be crazy to stay!” tag line.

Catchy as it may be, the pinnacle of their career will always be the seminal “Don’t Be Silly” (chorus: “Hey you, don’t be silly, put a condom on your willy, yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah!”), which had been a Top 5 hit in the beginning of the year. They also attempted a comeback two years ago with the somewhat less inspired “Beep Beep”, which quite rightfully flopped even harder than an old man’s genitals…

Rating: 10/10 at the time, 7 now

10 (9) SURE - Take That

I don’t remember this at ALL apart from the “Sure, so sure” line. I vaguely recall it having a bit of a wannabe-American swingbeat production?

Rating: 5/10 at the time, and I see no reason to change

The new entries in the chart that week:

27 GOODNIGHT GIRL ’94 - Wet Wet Wet

No, I don’t know why it was back either. I suppose the record company wanted something to cash in with on the success of THAT single, but apparently they didn’t bother releasing it in the UK. Ah well.

29 ABOUT A GIRL - Nirvana

Taken from their posthumous Unplugged in New York album which must have postponed many a teenage suicide that Christmas. I’m sure this received healthy playage in the bedrooms of my elder siblings who had well and truly hit puberty by this time, I myself however probably just carried on listening to my 2 Brothers on the 4^th Floor and Maxx…

34 HOPELOOS EN VERLOREN - Dana Winner

Festive-themed Flemish schlager by the Queen of Flemish schlagers, set to the melody of something or other by Mozart*.

38 CIRCLE OF LIFE - Elton John

MOR Disney ballad from Elton’s “snooze” years. Old Reg did repair himself the following year with the top-notch “Believe” and “Made in England”.

40 TURN THE BEAT AROUND - Gloria Estefan

Gloria never quite managed to make her mark on the 90s, did she? The Vicki Sue Robinson original is surely one my faves of the entire disco era, but I can’t really recall anything about her version.

*it could also have been Bach

- Andries

2004-11-22T09:52:00.000+11:00

(This is a -probably bad- translation of a post on Bizarre Love Triangle. Check the original if you're actually spanish or if you think that you can learn a fantastic new language by comparing two bits of text, like Tom Hanks in "Terminal")

The culture pages of the spanish media hardly acknowledged yesterday's great event; some can't tell the trees for the forest and highlight the 3rd International Congress on the Spanish Language instead. Others somehow turn the "return to rock & roll" from the U2 presskits into big news and put yesterday's triumph aside. Nobody nowhere is up to the task of answering what was asked in Lillehammer yesterday: why on earth Spain doesn't send songs like "Antes muerta que sencilla" to Eurovision (the senior festival)?

You can blame Remedios Amaya, whose "Quién maneja mi barca" is part of what some people consider spanish music's most embarrasing moments, and its scandalous failure reinforced the notion that Spain shouldn't revel in sending something so knowingly exotic for the rest of Europe. A tendency that climaxed during the nineties, when except for a few nice moments it seemed that the song that represented Spain was being choosen by people who actually hated Eurovision; the kind of person who celebrated Rosa's "failure" with "Europe's Living A Celebration", even if it showed that by putting the election of the track in the hands of the TV audience the worse that could be said was that Spain now wanted to get and give joy (and don't mention Beth's "Dime"; it only proves what happens when you send to the festival an artist who doesn't like Eurovision... it didn't do so bad, anyway).

We can call it poetic justice, because the songwriter behind "Quien maneja mi barca", José Manuel Évora, is the missing link between Remedios Amaya's failure and María Isabel's success. He wrote the song "Me pongo colorada" that turned Papa Levante, his daughter's band, into a sensation a few years ago, and its marrying of modern pop culture and andalusian mischief is the basis to the even superior "Antes muerta que sencilla".

But would this track have worked so good in the adult Eurovision Festival? Keeping in mind that the fact that the rest of Europe can't understand the humor in the lyrics* haven't stopped this track from being the most acclaimed of the contest, I like to think that it's attractive enough sound-wise, with an exhuberance not very far away from last years' winners. Anyway, María Isabel López's performance its vital to the track's success, naive enough not to fall into the somewhat condescendent Bebe territory, or the muddy Rakel Winchester one.

I hope "Antes muerta que sencilla" is in mind when the time comes to choose the tracks that could represent Spain in next year's Festival. Or, like someone in the Eurovision chat room in SoulSeek said yesterday, let's send Azucar Moreno once again!

María Isabel - Antes Muerta Que Sencilla.

*The songtitle is an spanish catchphrase that could be translated as "I'd rather be dead than average", and it's a cheeky ode to cheap glamour and the fun that goes with it.

- Diego.

2004-11-19T06:31:00.000+11:00

The last Around the World in 80kbps for 2004. And I thought because it's delightful and either you've never heard of them before, or you heard Voto Latino and nothing else, I should put up Amateur by Molotov. I like it a whole big lot, really. It's something a bit different, and man can not live by Europop alone. (Well, actually, I can, but a bit of variety is nice).

This may be my last post for a while. I am moving (again) and will not have my computer for some time - I'll be taking my hard drive so I'll still have all my Mp3s obviously! But for the next two weeks, you will be reading and hearing stuff chosen by my guests.

The first of these is Diego Valladolid, Spanish pop fanatic, who writes in two blogs in Spanish - his own Millions Now Smoking Will Never Die and the group blog Bizarre Love Triangle. And you'd also know him as DV from the Chart Challenge Remix.

Also a chart-challenger is Andries from Belgium. He doesn't have a page but he really should think about doing one. I reckon if I dropped off the planet, Andries could fill in for me and you would barely notice.

Lastly, but not leastly, the lovely Mind Taker will continue my endless quest to evangelise you into loving Croatian pop. Basically, you'd be well advised to visit his page Ruralna Gorila and then use your preferred file-sharing application to download any song where the artist doesn't look like they have enough vowels in the title.

Yes, there will be MP3s from my guests, but other than that I have no idea what they've got in store for you. I do hope to put up the Swedish edition of the Cross-Europe challenge sometime next week, though. But other than that, don't listen to too much indie while I'm gone, peeps.

Chart Challenge Remix: CROATIA

2004-11-17T02:22:00.000+11:00

Yes! Except no. I wuv Croatia to death, except this is a total bodge job, as I was sending these out, I realised that my MP3 of #7 was in fact a load of silence. Too late to abort the round, I decided to just go along with it and get a score for #7 at a later date. Then I got busy with this other unrelated web-page I'm working on and anyway, due to the large number of unfamiliar songs this round was a lot of work. But it's here now, aren't you happy.

Andries' pun for this week: Nothing to "Croat" about. No, not as good as last week's, but the chart is a lot better to me anyway.... the ever-wonderful Mind Taker translated the titles for him, but where was his ballot? Please send one if you're reading!

1. VESNA PISAROVIC - Tako Mi Nedostaješ (I Miss You So Much)
EO: 10, PT: 10, SS: 6, SN: 9, AP: 7. Adjusted score: 10

PT: Finally, a chart with something that deserves to be at number one.
AP:: I remember waxing rather lyrical about her previous single, or was that just due to Edward describing her a Slavonic Sophie Ellis-Bextor?
SN: There's a certain melancholy about this, I think, not heard in such an uptempo fashion since The Winner Takes It All. Compound that with the ever-so-mournful-and-beautiful chorus, the slightly unhinged disco strings between chorus and verse, and you have a song that is something quite special.
EO: Less a song, more of a collision of lots of stupidly great bits culled from other songs. The charging 80s soundtrack guitar, the folky flourishes of the chorus, the surprising strings that end it, hooks to spare, people.
SS: Ok, this is starting up pretty promising, the first verse sounds like something that wouldn't put Ms Lena Philipsson into shame, but then comes the chorus and ruins the song, from a top Eurovision sounding song, into a cheap production-wise one, and then it's not really the same for the rest of the song. It's also becomes a bit samey for me. And then at the end when it all goes quite you think that something really strong is going to explode on to you next, but nothing, it's the same old boring chorus from before.
AP: The verses of this are quite funky in places, but the chorus veers straight into “midi mediocrity” territory. Let’s consider this as Vesna’s I Won’t Change You then, and await her to come back in full force with the next one.
PT: Reminds me of all the neo-tokyo songs on every racing game ever. Dance music from the super shiny future, pulsating and morphing like a Winamp plug-in. Blinded by the lights? Too bloody right I am.
EO: To think this wonderful woman has been putting out pop for years - even parading herself in front of me singing Everything I Want in Eurovision 2002 but I was oblivious. I love you Vesna! This may be better than Ti Si Kriv.
PT: If you don't like this you are officially dead inside.

2. KARMA - Oci Zelene (Green Eyes)
EO: 4, PT: 5, SS: 9, SN: 1, AP: 5. Adjusted score: 5

SN: Have you ever wondered what it would sound like if Sash! bred with Scooter and then shipped the bastard child off to Croatia to pursue a recording career? Well, wonder no more, for here is that exact hybrid beast!
AP: Take a run-of-the-mill 2 Unlimited-era cheesy synth line, a tag line in a dodgy English accent, an O-Zone-esque talkey bit to the beat of Seven Days and One Week and a full-on Eurovision chorus, and you might just get this. It is of course subject to interpretation whether that is necessarily a BAD thing.
SS: The thing I like about the music scene in Eastern Europe these days, is that they seemed to have kept, and even developed their own kind of Euro-Pop/Dance production, and most of the time it's turns out quite fantastic, the most obvious example to what I mean is O-Zone who managed to make it to the west this year, and many Russian acts who keep this style as well. As I understand the person behind this tune is Colonia, which I never heard anything from till this days, but I know the name for a long time now as he's very praised in the Eurodance circles across the mainland, so what do we have here, back to 96-97 for the synths it seems, not the old old Euro, but the one that has progressed a bit, and quite honestly it sounds rather fantastic, the vocalist actually kinda disapeard to me inside the music, but she's quite alright as well, and the melody is honestly great.
EO: I actually appreciate this in a dated-trance kind of way (VERY DATED) but I can't love it. The feint bits of English.. "Unbelievable, it's incredible" are also really stupid.
SN:Abrasive cheesy synths and some other faceless nobody warbling about I don't know what...losing my coherence...I need a lie down.
PT: I like and hate this in equal parts. Handclaps, good. Techno siren, bad. Actually, it's all a bit too much. The thump dominates and ultimately negates anything good about it.

3. NATALIE DIZDAR - Ne Daj (Don't Give Me Up)
EO: 5, PT: 7, SS: 7, SN: 8, AP: 6. Adjusted score: 8

PT: Sounds very unfinished and slightly cheap in places, but the singing style used combined with the artifical noises is interesting. Reminds me of quite a bit of Cibo Matto stuff but without the quirkiness. Unfortunately it hasn't wormed its way into any particular cavity yet put the possibility is there.
EO: Agreeably swift and squelchy, but rather bereft of substance.
AP:Good grief, she sounds bored, does she not? Are the lyrics about her remembering last minute to pick up a microwave dinner, sixpack of Croatia’s finest and some tampons on a Friday evening right before the shops close, by any chance?
SS: Ok the first few seconds I though it's going to be a bit Lisa Scott-Lee-esque, but then she started singing and the music kicked in and I was relived to find it's not, and it actually started pretty good, like a good pop tune, but then came that 'la la la lem' part and i felt like it's the soundtrack to some sci-fi movie :s anyway it keeps going rather alright , but when she sings the chours especially all those sound effects sound very amateurish, even if it is a bit original I guess, it's not really for my liking, still it's pretty fine pop song if you ignore those effects.
AP: The song doesn’t really go anywhere, but then that’s slightly better than going crooked, I suppose. I do appreciate the bleepy sounds all throughout, mind, which lifts it slightly above averageness. (It’s a sad affair when THAT is something to celebrate, I know, but there you have it.)
SN: Okay, I'm imagining the videoclip. Natalie is, as they say, an "Independent Woman." She is strolling, nay, sauntering, past an array of attractive but stupid men vying for her attention. She is tough and in control, at least until all those strange sounds hidden in the depths of the Casio keyboard's "Effects" menu kick in during the chorus. After that she goes a bit wobbly and falls over. Despite all that, this song is almost as sexy as Bootylicious and I'm going to love it forever because of that.

4. IVANA KINDL & JACQUES - Kao Kazna Božja (Like the Punishment of God)
EO: 3, PT: 0, SS: 5, SN: 2, AP: 1. Adjusted score: 1

EO: Look at the English translation. It's accurate in more than one way.
PT: No.
AP: After sitting through 4 ? minutes of this dirge, I get the sense there is some genuine chemistry between Duncan & Keevie (or whatever her name was).
SN: Oh God. Heartfelt "Ooooooooooh"s in the introduction, MORE synthesisers...I always wondered if Celine Dion ballads would sound better if someone who wasn't Celine Dion sang them. Guess this song answers that question. They don't.
EO: Jacques gives hopes that even the extremely ugly can be pop stars. What a guy. Terrible song though.
AP: But yes, at least Jacques’ outward appearance is an inspiration to us all that a popstar career in Croatia beckons. Now, I just need someone to translate Natalia’s I’ve Only Begun to Fight into Croatian for me.
EO: Ivana Kindl is no Ivana Brkic, that's for sure. Soppy ballads are usually unacceptable, this is no exception. It might sound like a half-remembered Mariah Carey album track.
SS: Did they steal Mariah Carey's vouce at that first note? I could have SWORN they did. So they start to sing, and it's very your typical Mariah Carey & other male singer duet from the mid-90s (One Sweet Day especially) I didn't think songs like these still exist these days, and really the more I listen the more I think it's Mariah Carey gone Croation. That Jacques sounds typically dull, I bet they added Maraja Karri there just to help sell, cos without her most people will be snoozing before the first course, so anyway it's dull but gets a few points for the blatant Carey rip off.

5. SEVERINA - Hrvatica (Croatian girl)
EO: 7, PT: 9, SS: 7, SN: 10, AP: 3. Adjusted score: 8

SN: Yes! It's the Croatian novelty smash of the winter! I'm trying to think of something short and snappy to sum this little gem up with, but "drunken dancehall" is the best I can do.
SS: Ha ha ha ha Stayin' Alive , stayin' alive! that's what the first vocals remind me of. Anyway I love this silly type accordian style, they're funny, I usually enjoy most of the ones that comes on our Russian music channels,
PT: Special mention to the introduction that sounds like drunk muttering to oneself. The accordian sound automatically mean twisted fairground rides to me. Id normally pin this as coming only from Japan, but obviously the Croats do it as well. Poppy rappy signifies the breakdown, the vocals then start to dominate as the song goes on and the original darkness makes way to bouncy pop.
EO: I also think it sounds Japanese. I bet some of Severina's blue pictures would be popular in Japan. Lovely, nimble bit of pop, though could do with a bit more bounce.
AP: Judging from the “full tit and minge” rumours I’ve heard, she’d be the Croatian equivalent to our own Xandee then, I take it? This is one mess of a song however, which 1 Life was decidedly not, so the comparison ends there.
SS: Also usually the artists that sings these kind of songs are old, so I can imagine her being about 44 looking like atranny, if this is the case, I want to upgrade my score to this to a 10. Then comes this uselss rap, which doesn't really add anything, but again if it's a 30+ old man doing it I see the appeal , I really hope they treat this as NOVELTY rather then serious, cos that's what it is.
SN: A little bizarre, a little awkward and more than a little off-kilter, with piano accordions, strange percussion and yes, even a Croatian rap...if only all music was this insane and wonderful. Again, please!
AP: How on earth DO you pronounce “hrv” anyway?

6. EDO MAAJKA - Pržiii (an exaltation, a call-out for people to get intense, rockin', just lose it, etc.)
EO: 10, PT: 10, SS: 3, SN: 9, AP: 0. Adjusted score: 8

AP: Well, I’m not even going to attempt pronouncing “prž”. And the tune (or lack thereof) is not much cop either.
SS: Ooooo Croatian Hip-Hop! This should be INTERESTING to say the least. God, and I though Israeli hip-hop sounded funny! This is HILARIOUS.
AP: In the unlikely scenario that I should pass this poor man’s 50 Cent (with a bit of Khaled thrown in for not-very-good measure) busking in the street, I might toss him one eurocent but certainly not more.
PT: Sounds like its taken its starting point as gangsta rap and taken a number of wrong turnings to reach something that sounds a bit Bangra-House Hip Hop. Future Sound of London taking a trip to Roll Deep or something. I mean, its bloody amazing.
EO: Indecipherable. Bonkers. Possibly a health hazard to dance to. Irresistible.
SN: I LOVE this chart! Timbaland would be proud to call these shuffling beats his own. In the end, I don't know whether Edo is a particularly good rapper, but in a lot of ways it doesn't really matter.
SS: He must be singing out of the tune on purpose, I can't believe anyone with a record deal would sing like that and not be
taking the piss. Oh god as much as i'm trying to find it funny, the chorus just sounds worse with every listen, sorry Edo you've FAILED, but then comes this hilarious tradional music-esque ending....
EO: Bonkers = great, obviously. If only I could work out how to pronounce it, I would certainly yell it out... it does make want to get rockin' and just lose it.

8. COLONIA - Obican Dan (An Ordinary Day)
EO: 7, PT: 8, SS: 9, SN: 8, AP: 2. Adjusted score: 8

SN: I must admit, after the general insanity of the last handful of songs, I was a bit disappointed by this one. Then I put it away for a few days and upon the next listen decided it was brilliant. Call this one a "grower," folks. Once again, there's this all-pervasive sadness about it...maybe it's just the remix, or is it something in the Croatian water?
EO: I tend to like my Colonia a bit more bangin' than this, but the deep throb and pulse of the bass - when it comes in - in this is pretty irresistable.
PT: Perfect penultimate track for a mix CD. I generally listen to this chart in order and this just kind of consolidates everything I've heard so far. Meandering through the soundspace, nothing really remarkable to note, but isn't it lovely?
SS: I imagine the video to this (that is if they even make videos there) to be on this beach on an Island with the singer on lying on the beach and sitting in some exotic backgrounds, this is a summer tune, this one i'm certinaly keeping on my playlist and going to explore more Colonia.
AP: I hope this is a band, cause “Colonia” is a pretty dreadful name for a woman, whichever way you turn it. I wouldn’t say it’s as bad as “Pržii”, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s primarily famous in Croatia for reasons other than her musical skills.
EO: For the unitiated, Boris from Colonia is the Croatian version of Brian Higgins. That said, Luda Za Tobom and especially Plamen od ljubavi are miles better, as are some of Colonia's outside productions.

9. T.B.F. - Nostalgicna (Nostalgic)
EO: 0, PT: 3, SS: 0, SN: 4, AP: 0. Adjusted score: 0

EO: Awful.
AP: The laidback intro should suggest that it is one of the better songs in the Top 10, but pretty much all the other elements in the song go on to prove the opposite.
SS: Well the music started alright (if very dated), but then came that cringeworthy spoken words things, which is literally shit, and he just keeps going and going, where's the fucking chorus. Oh there it is, it's that (now) DREADFUL music that you're already tired of listening through the whole song.
SN: Like Serge Gainsbourg without any of the suaveness or naughtiness. Plenty of creepiness though, like that uncle you only see at Christmas.
AP: If you played it at double speed, would you end up with a Jamiroquai record, I wonder?

10. MAJA ŠUPUT - Lagana (Light, not like something that shines, perhaps Easy)
EO: 3, PT: 0, SS: 2, SN: 6, AP: 1. Adjusted score: 1

PT: If you havn't noticed by now - I hate all ballads. This is because I have no heart-strings for them to tug on.
SS: Another dull ballad, this time Eurovision-esque.
AP: The likes of Malta would have been reluctant to send this to the Song Contest around 1992, so that should give you an idea.
EO: 3 points for the jazzy bit at the end, because at least that's more palatable than crap balladry.
SS:God I hope these kind of songs don't get much radio support, otherwise poor Croatia. And what's that thing towards the end when it tried to be upbeat all of the sudden, it's just totally out of place and just makes the song more messy.
SN: For a brief moment, I thought this song was called "Lasagna." Which probably would have been a lot more interesting than this worthy-but-pretty-dull string-soaked ballad. It gets nicer every time I hear it though, so in the future this might get a higher mark.
AP: One point because the title reminds me of “lasagna”
EO: See, that's two people who've independently made lasagna jokes. That proves this song is dull, doesn't it?
AP: Not even the “surprise” cheap cocktail bar-stylee outro can salvage it from utter mundaneness.

That's 49, but only 9 songs. That said, a lot more really good, interesting stuff on offer. The low score probably reflects ~~Andries and Shahaf hating fun~~ the crap at the end. Also, this will be revisited later, explain more later.

But we have a ten, so please enjoy this fine Vesna Pisarovic MP3: Tako Mi Nedostaješ.

2004-11-12T09:12:00.000+11:00

I did another Stylus column this week because I thought it was due, but it seems that it wasn't. Oh, my organisation, etc. But I cannot wait for it to actually be published to begin frothing at the mouth about one of my selections, so I shall pre-supplement.

Stand My Ground by Within Temptation is awesome. Apart from sounding like Delta Goodrem gone properly goth-metal, the explosive first note of the chorus reminds me of A-Ha's forgotten classic Summer Moved On and, in BEING a cross between a pretty piano ballad and a big, chintzy, power ballad, this is what I imagine that Vanessa Carlton would be doing after her talk about going all dark, moody and gothic. More people really should be doing this sort of stuff, or at least buying it in sufficient quantities to ensure that it's thought of as a good enough idea to make it constantly to feed my gigantic appetite for this sort of horribly unsubtle monstrosity. I love it, really.

(NB: The "E" word deliberately not used. It's boring.)

Within Temptation - Stand My Ground

Is Girls Aloud's version of "Here We Go" better than Lene Nystrom's?

2004-11-11T01:35:00.000+11:00

Well, no, it isn't. The first thing to note is that the production is closer to the Moonbaby original, which was lovably surf-guitar heavy and quite cute with it. Lene's version brought out the killer rock song within, much the same way as its twin No Good Advice was all snarly punk sneer beneath its crunchy pop coating. The synth hook line that comes after the second chorus is a fantastic thrilling pop moment, but it's just not the same with the disappointingly judicious drum programming on this verison. There's something a little tame about the vocals too - splitting it between the girls means that it loses the singularity of the song's message - the narrator is an "I". In No Good Advice, it was them against you, against the world, and they delivered their girl-gang statement of intent with aplomb. Here, it's just needless division, and the group singing in the chorus doesn't seem exactly dead on the mark. Makes it a bit flat. Nicola's "take it away, boys" doesn't live up to my expectations, and the long vowels are all strangely affected and clipped: "here we gaww, here we gaww, get on with the shaww" it sounds like, really.

A great song in any version, but better than Lene's wild, relentless hook ride? It's really not. But you want it anyway, don't you? All of this is just me cursing gold for not being platinum.

Girls Aloud - Here We Go

Bertine Zetlitz!

2004-11-08T02:02:00.000+11:00

As was pointed out to me, it's been a very good year for Norwegian pop. Last time I was checking my mentalistic singles-of-the-year tally, I think there were about 6 Norwegian singles in my top 30. That's pretty good. I was also advised that Bertine's new album Rollerskating would blow Anniemal out of the water.

It doesn't, as far as I can hear, but it's still very good. I love the single Fake Your Beauty (more on it later), which taps the same Human League nostalgia that Richard X has (X even worked with Bertine on her previous album) but Bertine's voice is a completely different thing - soft, but quite authoritive.

The opener, Ah-Ah is totally Bertine's Buffalo Stance moment - the swaggering, loping beat and the half-spoken verses although it doesn't have a fully-fleshed out chorus, but it makes up for this with the plunking bass/guitar combination between the verses.

There's even a uniquely Bertine take on R&B - the excellent Kiss Me Harder which for some reason in spirit if not result reminds me of Oops (Oh My) but the production, if more terrestrial and (bizarrely) not quite as frozen over, actually seems odder than that. The surprising counter-melody of the backing vocals towards the end are magnificent as well.

Broken, If You Were Mine (almost country-influenced with the strings) and Wicked Wonderboys are the sort of haunting almost-ballads that I've wanted ever Stina Nordenstam album to sound like (not that I'm not quite enamoured with her new one, mind), all mournful wintry Orbit-esque bleeping, and well-placed, broken up by more well-executed 80s electro like the oddly summery click-fest of Back Where I Belong, surely only a slight rearrangement away from being a Caribbean singalong with its lines that sound like they've always got one too many syllables.

Perhaps my favourite track is Want You, which hides its secret weapon deep in the mix, a lonesome plaintive organ beneath Bertine's cry: "I'll be calling you up/Moaning your name/So you can tell I much I want to" in the chorus. The verses are great, though, with Bertine fluttering ever higher with each line in the verse before a coldly doomed bridge. And the spoken-word break before the last round of choruses seems to make no sense at all and only serves to put a break just so there can be three more repetitions of the chorus without it getting boring, as if it could!

Bertine Zetlitz - Want You

SWISS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN (Chart Challenge Remix - Switzerland).

2004-11-06T02:13:00.000+11:00

First of all, thankyou to Andries for the pun. Simply delightful, isn't it? On to the chart that must be the worst ever for the way it oscillates so rapidly between the slow turnover of the US chart, the tendency for listening to complete shit of Germany and an inexplicable fondness for dull crap that seems quite unique. Again, this is really last week's chart. Eh. Who cares, really.

Repeats are Aventura (6), O-Zone (10) and Anastacia (5)

1. K-MARO - Femme Like U
EO: 10. AP: 6, PT: 2, SN: 2, SS: 3, KG: 7, DV: 7, JP: 8. Adjusted score: 6

JP: I was looking forward to hearing this on Mr O's recommendation and it is definitely the better side of rap music. Why are Jay-Z, Ja Rule etc. big in the UK and K-Maro not? The French bit could be seen as his unique selling point (not that any big rap artists have them).
DV: Aurally it's a Black Eyed Peas' "Shut Up" without the pretence.
KG: K-Maro has the same guttural vocal tones as that growly one out of French rappers Supreme NTM, which adds a bit of sauciness to his otherwise average chanson. There are so many people singing on this track that you might think he was a boy band. Or a girl-boy band. K Club 9, maybe. I quite like this for its stick-in-the-head qualities, and it gets extra points for excellent use of Franglais.
EO: I don't care if K-Maro is exceptionally ugly, I still think this is a damn good song. Even if the video SHOULD have featured cruising down the highway having sexy adventures while trying to get away from someone pursuing them. However, nobody agrees with me on this, at least, apart from the crazy Swiss.
SS: The biggest French hit in the Swiss charts since Vicky Leondras' 1973 Eurovision-winning song Apres Toi, quite undeserving if you ask me.
AP: I know I’m far from the first to point out the blatant similarities with “Shuddupjustshuddupshuddup”, but that just happens to be the most striking thing about this song.
SS: I didn't really like Shut Up, so I see no reason really for this cheap cash-in, that somehow even managed to cross over outside French speaking terrtories for some reason
PT: Just by listening to his voice I have a picture forming in my head. A big meathead guy, bald, probably got a few tattoos with perhaps a snake wrapped around one arm and "mum" written on the other. That's to say his singing voice has no appeal. It lacks any elegance that most rappers have and sounds quite nasal. It least the song has some balance with the presence of a female singer. Can't complain really - thankfully not another ballad at the top of the charts.
DV: I really can't stand the Santana-like guitar, with threatens to ruin the charming straightforwardness of the song. Nice.
SN: Oh, shit. Spanish guitar flourishes. Name ONE song that rises above generic and uninspired by having Spanish guitar flourishes in it. You can't think of any, can you? No. And neither can I. Wait...yes I can. Viva Forever. But this isn't it.
AP: Bilingual tracks tend to be trite from the word go, too -- it takes the likes of Myl?ne Farmer & Seal to form the exception to the rule, so no hope whatsoever for our CYRIL (cause that’s his real name). Still, not awful, I suppose.

3. BASCHI - Gib Mer A Chance
EO: 5, AP: 4, PT: 3, SN: 4, SS: 6, KG: 3, DV: 1, JP: 6. Adjusted score: 4

DV: What!?
SN: Baschi! Shame on you! I was expecting a glorious Emma Bunton-esque 60s pastiche from those opening bars, and as soon as the wonderful swooping strings die away I get this soulless dirge? Well, the title amuses me anyway ("Hee! This song has a name like I type when I'm drunk!"), so a point or two for that.
KG: There were so many opportunities for a rip-snorter of a key change in this song, not least of which was that glorious pause at 3.27, but Baschi left me cold by eschewing the whole idea altogether. Simmers along nicely, but never gets to boiling point.
JP: What is 'Mer'? 'Me' in Swiss? Actually, there isn't a Swiss language us there? It must be in some made up language. Anyway, the song is OK but nothing special.
PT: Flexes language hat, the title means "Give Me A Chance". Impressed?
AP: Whatever language this is, surely the finished product sounds even less convincing than if they’d have sung it in a bad English accent. The verses seem suspiciously disjointed from the chorus too, a bit like they don’t want to decide whether they want to be A Eurovision Entrant or A Music Band.
EO: Ironically, it's the Proper Music Band bits that are the good bits and the Eurovision balladeering bits that are pretty awful. Would you not expect the opposite?
PT: The predictable rising strings at the end are what swung me to give this some points.
SS: It's really easy to hear from the beginning of this song that it comes from reality TV ala Pop Idol (or in Switzerland 'MusicStar') with that Westlife sounding intro and the typical idol ballad sound that comes along next, and as a devoted reader of the weekly commentry on the Swiss chart site, I seem to be remember this actually being correct. But as the song goes on it starts to build up pretty nicely and his vocals are ok too at some parts (despite sounding a bit like the horrible Belgian Idol Peter in some places) , and i'm not really surprised that is the second most succesful song to come out from that show, only being less succesfull then the winner, Carmen Fenk.

5. MIA AEGERTER - So Wie I Bi
EO: 9, AP: 5, PT: 6, SN: 7, SS: 7, KG: 3, DV: 5. Adjusted score: 7

SS: I was really looking forward to hearing this one especially after her previous hit single Hie u jetzt (Right Here, Right Now) was quite a fantastic pop single! So what do we have here, you guessed it correctly! a slightly less good copy of her previous hit single ... but really not as bad it could have been, the melody is still ok, but the verses are bit crap really (hey hey , o oh oh ) chours makes up for it a bit I guess.
DV: The beginning is quite promising, with chords, I'm guessing, stolen from The Pixies. The syncopated vocal bit is as charming, but by the beginning of the second verse you're already tired of it.
AP: Now, I like the “Weh-eh”s and “Oh-oh”s and the tinkly bit in the middle eight. If this were the theme from a Swiss toddlers’ programme, I might just give it a ten. The guitars and faux-R&B backing track make me presume it isn’t, so she receives slightly less. But, but, a popstar called MIA! Where I come from, that’s the kind of name for a middle-aged Christian trade union chairwoman.
EO: What about Mya? And Maya, she of The Tamperer fame? And the groups MIA and M.I.A., you know the ones that did Galang, and those other people?
SS: I actually find the Swiss dialect of the German language a bit more easy to the ear then the usual form of it, so it's a bit easier for me to enjoy Mia's songs I guess, not bad at all for a Soap star (GSGZ I think) turned singer who flopped in Germany, at least her home land is still loyal!
EO: Nobody has pointed out that this sounds a bit like Amy Studt's Misfit. Despite, or perhaps because of this, it's good. I am also in favour of dialects.
SN: Now, if you were paying attention last CECCOD (and if you weren't, then tsk), you'll know that I love music boxes. This song has a music box! Oh, and I really do like the interrupted cadence in the chorus. Lovely, really. Don't get me wrong, this song is completely inane and predictable, but in that good midtempo Europop way. I can forgive that.
PT: Compared to most of the other songs here it sounds beautiful. It's probably awful but at least it has hooks, and stuff. Sounds like a toned-down more-acceptable Avril mixed with the likes of Sheryl Crow... yep, like Ashlee Simpson.
KG: He-ey, o-oh, let’s fa-ace it; this so-ong is not going to go-o down in history. Nice try with the Britney-esque music box, but this is annoyingly average.

6. DANZEL - Pump It Up
EO: 9, AP: 2, PT: 0, SN: 1, SS: 6. KG: 1, DV: 9, JP: 8. Adjusted score: 5

SS: Belgian Idol-reject Danzel manged to score a huge hit this year with living up a little this old Black & White Brothers song who was a hit in Belgium about 5 years ago.
EO: I loved this back in February. Really.
JP: This is really catchy and typically Euro dance-pop, so it's good to see it doing well - might inspire a few more Euro hits being released in the UK. It's also quite exciting to have a Belgium Idol contestant in the (UK) top 20.
DV: It could do without the background crowd noises; it's going to generate that kind of response in unpretentious clubs everywhere - as guaranteed by the latin percussion fill. Oh my, now that I've downloaded it I realise I like this one a lot; I reckon it works as a funny dance anthem and as a pop song.
SS: I don't think there is a person in Europe that managed to escape this song, wether he liked it or not.
PT: Hmmm, I've heard this around a fair bit recently. The chorus is pretty derivative and actually drives me up the wall, and the verses are barely there. Oh, and it looks like he's gone to the Robbie Williams school of gurning.
SN: Wow. I'm tripping back to the early 90s here! Male rapper/singer singing about letting yourself go to the music, stabbing cheesy synths...just because something's old doesn't mean that it's worthy of revival, okay? What next? La Bouche on backing vocals? The extended Mr Vain remix? I sincerely hope not.
AP: OK, so this mantra for provincial dancefloors the world over may be as mind-numbing as watching a marathon of Bold and the Beautiful episodes on an overdose of Dafalgan with “Ronan Keating - 10 Years of Hits” playing gently on the background, but when you have a track record of international hits like Belgium, you take anything you can get really. “Blue spikey hair” automatically equals “twat” though, never mind his coloured specs and hyperkinetic body language which only serve to confirm it. - 2/10 (0/10 if he were from any other country *cheeky cheeky*)
SS: At first I really disliked this, sounded a bit cheap and not a very good song to cover in the first place, but after overplay of the radio stations here and everywhere and especially the big club play it got here I got a bit fond of this, really it's great dancing to it in the clubs, but that was about 6 months ago, and now that it's hitting the rest of the mainland I just can't listen to it anymore, overplay strikes again ... still it gets points for the novelty and memories I have from it.
KG: Ugh. This track has almost nothing to offer. Totally deflating, really. 1

7. STAR ACADEMY 4- Laissez-Moi Danser
EO: 0, AP: 1, PT: 0, SN: 8, SS: 1, KG: 9, DV: 6, JP: 7. Adjusted score: 4

PT: I'm guessing this is a reality TV tie-in. It sounds well out of tune. Pretty horrendous isn't it?
SN: Hating this song would be like kicking a particularly cute (albeit stupid) puppy: I could probably do it (accidentally, of course), but I'd feel pretty bad afterwards. I assume the studio version is sung slightly less excruciating than the version I'm listening to now, so there are a couple of goodwill points right there.
EO: Every "Star Academy" song I have had the misfortune to hear has been rubbish. This is also rubbish.
SS: It's a total mess and the 80s are long over, someone should tell them that, but seeing as they are very fond of those type of songs on entertainment shows I doubt the novelty of Star Academy is going to die soon.
DV: Nice timeless europop song... almost ruined by "funny" disco sound-effects and bad singers.
KG: A conundrum: do we compare this with the Dalida version? Because if I had never heard the latter, the Star Academy 4 version would get a big 9 from me (with only one point deducted for questionable vocal abilities). The original does have so much more sparkle, but this is still a good song. Ah, fuck it. It gets 9 anyway.
AP: Maybe it’s just me (or maybe not), but is this “collective singalong to Casio backing track” style of reality TV spinoff single not all very 2000/2001? I wouldn’t have thought it still appeals to the singles-buyer in this day and age of individual Pop Idols, but obviously I’m proved wrong. At any rate, in the age-old “miming vs. singing live” debate the live MP3 of this is a heart-felt plea in favour of the former.
JP: This mp3 must be actually recorded off Star Academy and I'd like to hear a studio version cos it sounds like it could be quite good for a reality TV 'all-star' single. But it is still just as cheesy as that suggests.

9. NELLY - My Place
EO: 0, AP: 3, PT: 2, SN: 0, SS: 2, KG: 6, DV: 8, JP: 2. Adjusted score: 2

JP: The Swiss don't seem to be getting Flap Your Wings, so I now hate them for being so lucky. Grr!
DV: 8 minus 1 for being a liiittle too long, but what the hell.
SN: When will his evil reign end? Not even Christina Aguilera will help you now!
AP: Edward took it for granted that we all know this back to front by now, but actually I couldn’t reproduce as much as one line from it. From those precious few times that I’ve sat through it in full, I seem to remember it sounded a hell of a lot like “Dilemma”. And there could be far worse things from his back catalogue that it could sound like, I guess. - 3/10
EO: Great, now I'm going to have to edit out all the other comments from people who said it sounded like Dilemma. And with THAT said, what else is there to say about it?
KG: What can you say about a guy like Nelly? No, really. What can you say? I have no problem with this song. It washes over me in a fashion akin to bubble bath.
PT: Y'know Jaheim is really quite good (much better than this suggests) but everytime I see the video I get the feeling he's secretly laughing at the absurdity of this song. This song is worth 10 million hilarity points/10, which is actually about 2.
SS: I used to like some of Nelly's song , esepeiclly the more upbeat ones, they were fun, and Dilemma was obviously rather good too, but honestly Nelly is just taking the piss now and going in the max commercialism way he can. It worked once with 'Dilemma', but it doesn't second time, this song is so boring it just doesn't go anywhere, i'd compare it to listening to water run, really. Besides the whole output from Nelly's double album trick so far is far from impressive.

10. K-MARO - Crazy
EO: 6, AP: 4, PT: 9, SN: 3. SS: 1, KG: 2, DV: 5, JP: 8. Adjusted score: 5

DV: Another swaggering bubblegum r&b track by K-Maro wich I find charming, only not as much as "Femme Like U". And *that* guitar again...
EO: Oh, great piano to open. Unfortunately, the fact that he sounds like a muppet isn't a plus this time. Also, the inanity is pronounced now it's in a language I understand.
AP: Unremarkable follow-up alert. If Belgian R&B songbird Leki hadn’t brought out a superior song of the exact same title just a few months ago, I might be more enthusiastic. Lesson learnt: choose more original titles henceforth, Cyril.
EO: It's no Patsy Cline, Mark Morrison or Britney Spears either, is it?
KG: Like all good commercial R’n’B stars, K Maro, or Cyril as his mum calls him, has created his own ligne de v?tements, and I just can’t wait for the knock-offs to hit the local market at the greyhound track near me. This song is promising until about 0.17, with Cyril muttering sweet multilingual nothings with minimalist piano/strings accompaniment, but then those annoying fembots kick in with a chorus that is utterly devoid of anythink at all, confirming my old suspicion that songs about being crazy are always too sane, unless sung by Seal. (N.B. Britney is no exception)
SS: Oh it's another song that sounds the same like his previous one, what a shocker, is it not?
PT: Same points apply from the other K-Maro song, but here the beat is bright & breezy which ultimately makes this a more palatable experience. Up-tempo throughout and, praise the lord, the female singer is left all alone to deliver the chorus. Just a stronger song all round really.
JP: More K-Maro! This one I can imagine being a hit in the UK. It's pretty catchy considering it's 'urban'-ness.
SN: Oh you crazy Swiss. What is it with you and this guy, anyway?
EO: I think it's because he does some songs in French but is not actually French. AND HIS NAME IS CYRIL! CYRIL! Can you believe it? Cyril!
SN: This is slightly more tolerable than his other hit, if only because it sounds somewhat like one of those American R'n'B-by-numbers pieces (faceless male in the verses, faceless females in the chorus) that troubles our charts now and then.
SS: This one has even a bit less tune than the previous one. Ugh, as if one of his songs wasn't enough.

That's 54, quite a good score for Switzerland, and gasp, one of their own has broken the magic barrier of a 7, so here it is.

MIA AEGERTER - So Wie I Bi

Next up will be Croatia. I love Croatia.

2004-11-04T13:06:00.000+11:00

Depleted by the fact that the world seems to be a bit shit lately, and not very buoyed by pop because people are generally disappointing, this is what I have been trying to listen to:

GWEN STEFANI - Harajuku Girls

In which Gwen has conveniently unlearned the most important lesson of making fabulous, bizarre pop records, i.e. SURRENDER TO EUROPOP. Admittedly this is a live version, but dear me, if Gwen doesn't sound like she's being strangled then she sure sounds like it. Her half-spoken chorus should, if there's any justice, be targeted viciously by the people who rubbished Madonna's rapping. It's actually a shame because sonically, this is pretty great - an ode to the Japanese mix-and-match fashion with wobbly bleeps, some nicely patched synth strings and a great strutting beat. But Gwen, she is the weakest link on this. Slightly less excited about her album now but maybe the album version will have a tighter, more reined-in vocal.

EMINEM - Like Toy Soldiers

Wasn't this a good idea? Eminem does song sampling Martika's grand legacy to the world? It is a great idea, but it doesn't work in practice. It sounds promising because there's a proper marching beat over the start which makes you think - ooh, more fun anti-war propaganda disco-groovey stuff. But no, it slows down, there are pensive piano chords and Eminem is firmly in NO FUN SERIOUS MOOD. Which, when you consider that Martika is now firmly a retro-funny reference, doesn't make any sense. Oh, and the lyrics! Self-important nonsense - despite a light-hearted censoring the word "hood" because Em wants you to know that he never mentioned the "hood" in his entire career. It's like the whole song takes off when the sample comes in, and you notice this because it's like all the momentum ceases when it finishes. Encore is a depressingly lazy album - a half-thought out response to a crowd that was begging for more that probably should have been left a little longer.

VANESSA CARLTON - Where The Streets Have No Name

Because this song was proved by SCIENCE to be a disco song in 1991, what's the point of trying to make it pretty? Disco isn't supposed to be pretty. But why would someone who knowingly uses Stephen Jenkins both for sex AND as some kind of musical muse ever bother trying to work that one out. God, this is truly awful. The original soars, in a clumsy rock way. The Pet Shop Boys soars too. This sounds absolutely bored in its verses before overcompensating in the "And when I go there..." section, at which someone presumably told Vanessa she actually needs to sell it or the rockists will eat her alive. As far as ill-advised rock cover versions by girls go, I'll take Lucie Silvas' take on Nothing Else Matters.

SPECIAL D - You

Most pleased to see this getting a release outside mainland Europe, because it sounds a bit like Gina G's Ooh Aah... Just A Little Bit, or at least I thought it did but now I can't seem to find a trace of that. Special D are the residual pop snob's defense against people who accuse them for hating fun for not being convinced by Scooter, and as such they should be treasured. Which reminds me that Come With Me was my 101st favourite single of 2003, and that that was severely unfair on it. Basically, if you hate extremely fast pop, you hate this. You know what it sounds like, but I think it's the best use of the formula since CWM. Also, I like the fact that it's simply called You - Shaznay Lewis didn't have much luck with it, so good luck Special D! (NB: According to top40-charts.com, this doesn't seem to have charted anywhere yet. Igad. It's a curse)

[MP3]

ROYAL GIGOLOS - No Milk Today

No, really. This is exactly what you think it is, if you haven't already been stunned by hearing it out at some club in Europe. Think of this post as an advance warning to countries that it hasn't been released in yet - do not go out to a club until mid-2005 and you'll be safe.

Swiss chart round-up tomorrow hopefully!

Oh. My. God.

2004-10-29T23:57:00.000+10:00

I can't work out if it's great pop or not, but it's certainly something, isn't it? Abrasive guitar basically squealing out of the speakers aside, it's Girls Aloud. This is easily the most challenging of the three songs that have sort of leaked:

Girls Aloud - Wake Me Up

The other two I've heard, Big Brother and Deadlines And Diets are rather less revolutionary. The former is not too far away from Stop off the debut, and as such is rather good.

The latter dates back to Moonbaby's (Miranda Cooper) short-lived solo career as it originally appears on her sampler (alongside future GA album track Here We Go, tragically not turned into a global #1 by Lene Nystrom last year), and sounds like Never Ever or perhaps Pure And Simple, but is charming enough to work on its own merits - good singalong chorus there.

I'm not quite as blown away as Popjustice, but seeing how wrong I was about Mania's Looking For A Place and how in the minority I am about Love Machine (not as good as people say) and I'll Stand By You (better than people say), don't trust me.

I can't work out what to say about Wake Me Up though. It's pretty stunning in any case.

CHART CHALLENGE REMIX: United Kingdom

2004-10-29T11:10:00.000+10:00

Updated, because the ever wonderful Dom Passantino, the greatest angry man from Northampton via Italy, sent me a ballot.

1. ERIC PRYDZ - Call On Me
EO: 6, KG: 4, SN: 6, AP: 4, PT: 0, DR: 8, JP: 6, DP: 8, SS: 10. Adjusted score: 6

AP: I’m sure there must have been an era when the main reason why certain singles spent longer than a month atop the British charts was genuine mass popularity, rather than general indifference of the record-buying public towards any competition -- I can’t come up with an example from this century though. And Mr Prydz certainly ain’t one. The source material is superior in every way conceivable, and seeing that lycra doesn’t tend to push my buttons (on either sex), I find precious little to get excited -- nor, it must be said, irritated -- about. It’s Stardust and Modjo all over again.
SS: This IS proper dance music.
JP: I never thought I'd be pleased that this has retained the no.1 slot but when faced with a Manic Street Preachers single anything is possible.
KG: The kind of summery dance hit that always goes down well in the UK. I find it a bit epilepsy-inducing, but it does evoke a slight feeling of fond nostalgia for similar dance hits that were enjoyable circa-1999. I said slight.
SN: Hmm. It's euphoric, certainly, and if you're going to flog an old 80s horse to death, it might as well be a catchy one. But I'm still disturbed by the way it seems to flash out of my left and right speakers so unevenly. If I listen to it any more, I'm going to suffer the aural equivalent of an epileptic fit.
DR: STEVE WINWOOD LIVES! And he's manga! DANCE PIKACHU DANCE!
PT: Faceless dance sold to us as soft porn. Yawn. I hate seeing this crap sell time and time again in this country.
DP: So when I first heard this, I was all like “hmmm”, and then I was all like “meh”, and then I was like “yuck”, and now I’m like “yay”. Not since “Ignition Remix” spent a month at #1 has a song had less right being at the top of the charts, whilst simultaneously enjoying it so much. Anyway, next week this gets knocked off by Daniel Bedingfield, so enjoy it whilst it lasts.
EO: Valerie was such a great song, never gets its dues nowadays, and now everybody is going to hate it. Excellent, more fun for me. This is still too thin.

2. MANIC STREET PREACHERS - The Love Of Richard Nixon
EO: 2, KG: 7, SN: 4, AP: 5, PT: 7, DR: 1, JP: 2, DP: 0, SS: 10. Adjusted score: 4

DR: Did the fucking Thrills get ahold of some Interpol & Garbage records? & did they neglect to unwrap the records before throwing them into the UberPop MulchATron 9000? & who the hell are they blackmailing to get this shit at the top of the charts? I'll give them the 1 point because ... well, they were worth a damn once, weren't they?
SS: I'm a bit biased I guess, since the Manics was the first Indie band I
got into circa 1996 ... so I actually liked almost everything they did
since , but I honestly, I really do love this track.
AP: A preferable candidate for #1 (well, maybe), but as a song just meh really. I might get booted off the panel for saying it, but I’d still much rather listen to this than to Everything Must Go-era material though
EO: The worst song off Everything Must Go is better than the best off the new one. FACT!
JP: This song doesn't make me love Richard Nixon and does quite the opposite for the Manics.
SS: One of the best things of theirs in ages, the retro 80s music works perfect, although i'm not that keen of James Dean Bradfield's new vocals, but this song is really original and unique especially compared to the rest of the top 10.
EO: Last good MSP song: Black Holes For The Young, but mostly because Sophie Ellis-Bextor on it.
KG: The Nixon voice-over at the end is scarily reminiscent of the spoken interlude prior to the final chorus in Boney M’s Ra-Ra-Rasputin. And the similarities don’t end there. The Manics, like Boney M, are huge fans of all joining in on the singing. And just as Phil Spector devised wall of sound production so that pop hits would sound good on AM radio, so the Manic Street Preachers adopt similar techniques for the internet streaming generation. This song takes pride of place in my “lush night-time soundscapes” playlist, but I’ll get sick of it eventually.
SN: I was reminded a little of Cake at first. And I like Cake. I also like the dry, shuffling drums and the electronic wash that seems to envelop the whole thing. William Orbit would be proud (kind of Beautiful Stranger-ish, actually). This could have been glorious...but with those lyrics? No. Just...no.
PT: Not bad actually. Their political edge always manages to turn me away, and it's true again here. Richard Nixon what? I think there is probably some irony here that they are expected to get on the Bush-hate bandwagon but they aren't really playing ball. The chorus is fairly bland but the electro undertone to the verses is really hypnotic and Bradfield doesn't sing in his normal manner. A nice traditional/non-traditional Mancs song.
DP: HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU GOT OUTSOLD BY ERIC PRYDZ IN HIS FIFTH WEEK OF RELEASE AND YOU’RE ALL FAT APART FROM THE DEAD ONE.

3. KELIS featuring ANDRE 3000 - Millionaire
EO: 10, KG: 8, SN: 10, AP: 7, PT: 8. DR: 6, JP: 6, DP: 4, SS: 9. Adjusted score: 9

EO: Edward O's simple rule for scoring a Kelis single: It gets 10 unless Enrique Iglesias is also on it (Enrique singles always get zero. That rule overrides the Kelis rule because evil ruins good).
DP: I’m a genius, and one of my genius ideas would be a remake of Pride and Prejudice starring these two. Just imagine Andy MMM rising slowly from a lake whilst God’s Daughter-In-Law looks sideways on through a fan. Considering Andre 3000 has never been any good at rapping, getting him in to do a guest rap does have Special Olympics tendencies about it, though.
SS: This one should be credited as Andre 3000 feat. Kelis, he sings way more than her on this, and is it just me or does he sounds a bit like the Streets in some parts of the song? But still regardles of what the song is excllent, this is how urban music should be done (note this KHIA).
DR: Oh, to live in a country where this sort of stuff actually charts. Oh, to live in a country where Kelis can get a hit that doesn't involve her shaking her milk. Oh, to live in a country where Wanderland WAS ACTUALLY RELEASED TO A RECEPTIVE PUBLIC YOU AMERICAN EXECUTIVE HALF WITS!
KG: Generally speaking, I am a bit sick of Kelis, but she sounds lovely on this. It’s a nice, genre-defying bleep fest.
SN: For a Kelis song, it could certainly do with a bit more Kelis, couldn't it? Nevertheless, this is divine. The fairy-floss backing, the gorgeously simple melody, the cascading piano parts...I could go on, but I probably shouldn't.
PT: More Andre than Kelis but enjoyable all the same. Not the strongest song she's ever recorded, but it's high-placing makes up for all unjust number 20-odd she's had. AP: As the ancient metaphysical philosophers of the Narcotic Thrust school would have it: I like it. After the sheer off-the-wallness of “Milkshake” and the funktasticity of “Trick Me”, it does seem to lack that Special Something to make me love it however, but maybe that will shine through with repeated listening. At any rate, kudos to the lyric writers for sneaking in a rare example of faulty grammar (“we is rich”) that manages not to annoy my anal self.
JP: It just proves what a weak week this was for singles when the weakest single yet from an album that's been out all year still reaches no.3.

4. KHIA - My Neck My Back
EO: 6, KG: 7, SN: 3, AP: 1, PT: 0, DR: 7, JP: 4, DP: 2, SS: 4. Adjusted score: 4

DP: My ears.
KG: Dirty, dirty girl! Let’s just hope that the sweaty lotharios who are still dancing to this at several notorious venues near me don’t take her advice too literally.
SS: I thought it's was alright at first, and I actually enjoyed it a little, as it's really catchy, but that was about 2! years ago! Talk about being late.
AP: This somehow completely passed me by in the original release. Wasn’t missing out on much then. Female oral sex references in pop lyrics stopped having novelty appeal ever since Consolidated’s “You Suck” anyway, as far as I’m concerned
PT: This song is like an old ragged stripper who has had all life sucked out of her over the years. Put it away love, I've just eaten.
SN: At least there's a bit of playfulness to sex songs like Milkshake. This song...leaves me cold. It's not flirtatious, it's downright ferocious, and I'm a little bit scared of what Khia will do to me if I don't live up to her expectations.
EO: Still a good song - if a little dated, but sadly is probably to blame for Christina Milan. I can't forgive this.
DR: I think I bitched about this song in an old Freaky Trigger Focus Group. (Yes, the mythical and never-published number 7 - Ed) I am a super-stooge for doing so. PS - MY PUSSY AND MY CRACK.
SS: I don't find anything overly excited in the words "pussy" or "crack"
so please, get this over with ASAP.
JP: I actually hadn't heard this song until a few months ago, but I still don't see what the fuss was about.

5. DUNCAN JAMES & KEEDIE - I Believe My Heart
EO: 0, KG: 1, SN: 5, AP: 3, PT: 0, DR: 2. JP: 1, DP: 0, SS: 0. Adjusted score: 1

PT: Worst song this year.
JP: I'm so glad I'm not Keedie. Firstly, she's called Keedie, plus she can't sing, looks revolting and worst of all she has to sing a duet of this pile of poo with the most useless member of Blue (even beating Antony!).
KG: Well, of course this languid (read earth shatteringly, pantswettingly boring), drawn-out affair comes from a film or something. There would really be no excuse for it otherwise.
AP: Treacly extracts from Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals = big no no. Duncan from Blue = er, yes probably, but preferably with the sound on mute. Random female blonde singer with stupid name = what-ever. So what does that equate to then? You tell me. Malta did it better at the Song Contest this year anyway. (All together now: “On again, off again…”)
SN: Points for the piano in the first few seconds of the song, which reminds me of a music box (I'm a sucker for music boxes). Points off for the stuffiness of the whole affair. You're singing popera here, people, not bloody Wagner. Lighten up!
PT: Narcoleptics beware!
DP: Fun fact: all opera, with the exception of that one song from Carmen, is shit.
DR: When I get married - that's right, folks, WHEN - I am going to have Stevie Wonder's "As" playing as my bride & I and anyone else that wishes to join us gets on the dance floor and dances in celebration of our blessed union. I say this because I've been to a handful of weddings where saccharine, treacly mealy-mouthed mewling like this is shoved into the CD tray, and it's all I can do to stop myself from clotheslining the bride & groom & the DJ & anyone else that gets fucking weepy. Which is to say that I shouldn't be invited to any more weddings.
SS: As if it's not bad enough that Blue STILL haven't split up, we already need to suffer from their solo careers. This song is SHIT , yes the typically Lloyd Webber shit that is supposed to be aimed at 40+ anyway, but is having a cross over cos of Duncan. And that poor opera singer , I bet no one would take her seriously from now ... And to finish of how bad this song is, I would like to quote Ellie from the Moopy forum (www.moopy.co.uk) after seeing them perform on Top of the Pops: "I thought he was actually singing live and that's why he sounds so bad, but it seems like it was playback, and if that's his singing abbilities on record ..."

6. R KELLY - Happy People/U Saved Me
a) HAPPY PEOPLE
KG: 5, SN: 0, AP: 0, PT: 4, DR: 7, JP: 2, DP: 7, SS: 4

DR: If you can't step to this, then you shouldn't be allowed to walk.
DP: Pissing Bob returns, possibly pausing to acknowledge how the game done changed whilst he was away. The sort of functional quasi-Isley run-through that R can do in his sleep, but R Kelly on 50% is worth most paedophiles on 100%.
SN: I hate R Kelly with the fire of a thousand suns, so I knew I was going to be in a severe ethical quandary if I ended up liking this. Thankfully, this is shit. Derivative shit, at that (poor man's Jackson 5, anyone?). Good to see R Kelly can keep it consistent.
AP: Well, this is just that “Step in the Name of Love” shite he tried to peddle last year under a different title, no? If I were a teacher I’d say “young R. should apply himself more”, but I really just want the bugger to retire indefinitely.
PT: I thought I might like this - from things I've seen around I thought he might've moved into gospel & soul. Unfortunately its just more of the same, the same "hotel lobby" type of rubbish.
EO: No comment. My dislike for R Kelly means I'm ill-qualified to comment on anything he does that doesn't comment itself. Like She's Got That Vibe was bloody great, was it not?
KG: Another one for the lovers in the house. Fairly standard fare from R, which makes it okay as far as down-tempo adult R’n’B goes.

b) YOU SAVED ME
EO: 6, KG: 2, AP: 2, PT: 5, DR: 8, JP: 2, SS: 0

KG: ... and then this! This disastrous ballad is a terrible and oh-so-literal account of R Kelly’s own experiences of drugs, guns, drink driving and salvation at the hands of baby Jesus that is only made weirder by the use of a synthy water-drop sound effect.
JP: This is getting depressing now.
SS: R. Kelly has turned himself from an ok artist to a really crap one in
the last few years. Really his whole output is repetitive and annoyingly shit.
EO: Worth 10 if seen with the astonishing video, but rather hard to stomach without it. Never before has a trolley been such an essential prop in a music video.
AP: Wait a minute, scratch that, cause he does provide some merriment with stuff like this. I particularly like the way the choir in the chorus sounds like some kind of respiratory problem or uncalled-for body function (am I the only one with the urge to say “bless you” after every “you SAAAVED me”?). Chuck in some lines about a supermarket and you have a choon slightly too memorable to warrant a zero or even a one. Also the first Top 10 hit to clock in over six minutes since whenever Meat Loaf last had one, perchance?
SS: Really, beyond shit.
DR: U Saved Me is all about that wet boooip. I've spent the past week listening to baseball players on my favorite team praise Him for all of His blessings, so my usual skepticism regarding the type of testifying on display here has been replaced with abiding tolerance for views that don't jive with my atheistic agnosticism. And I've come to realize that R. Kelly could sell same-sex marriage to the Bush administration, so far be it from me to piss on the man when he's working his mojo in the studio.

Adjusted score for double A-side: 5

7. DEPECHE MODE - Enjoy The Silence '04
EO: 10, KG: 9, SN: 8. AP: 9, PT: 4, DR: 8, JP: 7, DP: 5, SS: 8. Adjusted score: 9

KG: One of those song that makes you impatient for the time in your life when you will experience the emotions it describes. Almost perfect.
SS: It's a classic, period. I don't think anyone can ruin it, really.
EO: It's the exact same song, it's just got bleepier! Hooray!
DP: Because nothing screams quality like a remixed song named after the year its released in.
DR: This remix makes me wish that I could play Halo II.
JP: Depeche Mode are a bit before my time really but this is my favourite song of theirs that I know, so a good choice for a re-release.
SN: It all seems very dark and epic, which is undone a little by the cheery bubbling noises in the backing track. Like reading Edgar Allan Poe over the top of ABBA or something. Still alright though, innit?
AP: For the record, I am currently compiling a personal Top 2222 of all-time (we all have our eccentricities), and rest assured the original of this is set for a Top 10 position. When I learnt it was to be remixed, I was quite anxious about it being ruined, and I was definitely not a happy bunny upon hearing the Mike Shinoda mix played in the Radio 1 Top 40 on Sunday, given my aversion to all things nu-metal. The Richard X rendition and the Ewan Pearson mix up on chartsingles.net however are much more like it. Not the foggiest idea why this is classified as “Hiphop” on Chartsingles though, answers on a postcard please. - 9/10 as an average for the various mixes I’ve heard so far (10+++/10 for the original of course)
DP: Basically the original over-dubbed with the noises a lift makes when it reaches each floor.
PT: Perfect opportunity here to modernize and make something special, but it wallows in it's own retro-ness. The synths should've been placed lower into the mix, give it a bit more thump and prehaps add some Neptunes-esq clicks and pops. If the remixes actually do any of this then it will have been worthwhile, but if not.....

8. DARIUS - Kinda Love
EO: 4, KG: 3. SN: 7, AP: 6, PT: 0, DR: 6, JP: 5, SS: 8. Adjusted score: 3

AP: Ooh, now this is actually a damn sight better than any of the ever-so-contrived singles off that first album (wouldn’t go as far as calling it GOOD though). How typical then that it barely limps into the Top 10… As for the album, I first expected it to pull a Shoot From the Hip, but according to certain reports, it’s set to do even worse than that glorious LP in its SECOND week! And seeing that he is with Mercury -- yes,, the label which saw no qualms in dropping Sinéad Quinn AND Lisa Scott-Lee -- I predict that will be the end for Mr Danesh. Ah well.
EO: That's twice we've had a mention of Sinead Quinn! Time for a mass critical re-evaluation of What You Need Is, methinks. Not this though. All four points for this are for the piano, which reminds me of Madness. Otherwise this is a bit too swaggering and overconfident for my taste.
DR: This reminds me of a Walkmen song. Or a Jonathan Fire*Eater song. The piano does. In the intro. Not the squeaky-clean Maroon 5 stuff that follows. The singer could use a slap, though.
SN: Oh my god! It's a honky-tonk piano! I love the honky-tonk piano! And I love looking at Darius! I adore this song already! Frustratingly, nothing seems as good as the first verse, although the "ba ba bas" come quite close. Nothing life-changing, but still better than most of the guitar-driven pop that's out at the moment.
JP: This is quite catchy and ace considering who is singing it, but if it can't even get in the top 5 on this rubbish week then I think that says a lot about Mr Danesh's career.
DP: I was wondering why people were hanging the bunting out around my way, but now I realise they were just in a state of ecstasy because Darius is back! Dazza lets us know that he’s “walking on water” in the lyrics here, but I can’t help but think that the Nazarene carpenter’s efforts pale into insignificance of the miracle that is Darius’s awesome recording career. Let’s hope he doesn’t get crucified at any point in the near future whilst, three days later, a Roman centurion rams a spear into his side.
SS: Oh mr. Darius always knows how to provide good pop music for the ears as far as i'm concerened, I really like the melodies to his songs (yes, even if they ARE similar to old songs in cases) , and this one doesn't disapoint me at all, i'm sure in 2 months i'll probably forget about it, but at the moment it's pop music like it should be done, especially for a Popstars/Pop Idol reject!
KG: This jaunty piece of Scot-pop is a big pile of pap.

9. ROBBIE WILLIAMS - Radio
EO: 3, KG: 8, SN: 9, AP: 7, PT: 9. DR: 7, JP: 7, SS: 7. Adjusted score: 8

EO: His third best ever single! Still absolutely dreadful. I mean, Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy? Fuck off. He's rubbish - I mean, do you people remember how horrid that Me Me Me single was?
SS: Had Robbie transformed into Gary Numan? No matter what really happaned
to him it's at least a bit different, and produces quite a nice catchy single for him, his best thing since Feel anyway.
DR: Hey! Robbie Williams likes Take Me Out! Hey Robbie! Give the Manic Street Preachers some lessons in how to pull this shtick off, would you?
SN: Lose the accent, Rob. Other than that, I have no complaints. Completely dumb, thundering, stadium-filling pop. Like what Bon Jovi would do if they used more synthesisers.
AP: Classify this in the “growers” file, will you? - 7/10 (2/10 three weeks ago)
DP: “He’s stolen my Oscars”. I’m pretty sure you didn’t get an Academy nod for Robbie The Reindeer, Williams. In fitting with him being “the British Eminem” (except that Mathers is really the American Robbie), as soon as he realised he didn’t need to try anymore, he didn’t. That skeletal “rayddeeoooohwhwhwh” howl, however, is the best thing he’s done since, well, “Robbie The Reindeer”. (NB: When Dom sent this in, he accidentally, maybe, put the artist as The Divine Comedy. Haha! Zing, Robbie!)
PT: Wondered when this would pop round as it presents an interesting conundrum for me. I like electro-pop, I dislike Robbie Williams immensely - yet I always try to look at things objectively. What if it wasn't Robbie singing it? Would I like it then? Because while the video is absolutely vulgar (Robbie's hip-grinds, ladies completely covered in tattoos so they look like oil slicks), the song is perfectly placed pop nonsense.
EO: Robbie gets critical respect from right-thinking music nerds? I'm taking my ball and going home. Who are you people!!!
JP: Still very undecided on this song, not loving or hating it, just tolerating it. Will my children be next?

10. DEEP DISH - Flashdance
EO: 8, KG: 9, SN: 3, AP: 8, PT: 0, DR: 10, JP: 9, DP: 1, SS: 7. Adjusted score: 8

DR: Fantastic. Oblivious. Insidious.
JP: Worth a listen if only for the fabulous line, "a girl like me, are you kidding? Well I'd tell him that I'd rather die..." Now that's girl power!
AP: Rather good really. In a better world THIS would be going into its fifth week at #1.
SN: You know what I hate? Songs that sound like they're going to offer you a chorus (a cracking one at that) after a massive build-up...and then fade back into nothingness. With some sort of climax, this would have had some sort of direction and been brilliant. But with nothing of the sort, it's just frustrating. BAD and frustrating.
SS: This is certinaly a grower, the beats in this start really well, and it builds and builds, and just when you wait for it to explode it doesn't, it just stop!
PT: More faceless dance. I hate this stuff, but it never fails to shift.
DP: It’d be nice if this song started at any point.
EO: Rather decent faceless dance, though.
DR: Sloppy and confident - the woman's just doing her half-hearted goth diva thing (a little bit of Chrissie Hynde in her nonchalant sneer & moan), the beat drops out whenever, starts back up like it never went anywhere, ends when it damn well pleases. The song treats me like the woman in the song would treat the guy - reel him in, string him along, and then just turn around and walk away. Which, of course, leaves the guy stumbling after her, even if he's got no shot. And it leaves me double-clicking. (And, no, that's not a euphemism.)

Scuttlebutt from some previous respondents seemed to indicate this would be a low-scoring round. Most of those people haven't submitted this round, strangely, so it's 57 points. For now, anyway.

2004-10-27T01:29:00.000+10:00

Apparently bits of the Girls Aloud album have leaked. SOMEONE HOOK ME UP, PLEASE. Please? Oh, come on!

While not being in the UK meant I never listened to him, it's deeply sad that John Peel has died. Back in the last part of my dying indie days, I used to vaguely follow the sorts of things he playlisted (the Festive 50, etc) and search them out. I came across a few bands that I still love because of him, and the fact that he was still doing it at 65 should make him an inspiration even to those who never listened or never shared any common listening ground. If I'm still listening to great pop and enjoying it at half that age, that'll be an achievement. For him to have done it for so long and retained such enthusiasm astounded me. RIP John Peel.

2004-10-26T23:49:00.000+10:00

THE 411 - Teardrops

See, this makes perfect sense. Having tried to give themselves a tinge of authentic Americana with an ill-advised Ghostface cameo, this is an inspired retreat.You'd recognise the sample as the same from Portishead's Sour Times. I was an unashamed trip-hop fan. Still am. The genre didn't stagnate, which is what most people say. Back at the beginning, trip-hop sounded like hip-hop, it didn't just rhyme with it. Just because vaguely similar records came that were divorced from the hop and too obsessed with the trip doesn't change things. Beth Gibbons was a seriously upset torch singer, but Geoff Barrow was a hip-hop junkie, and it always showed.

Sour Times, as a peculilarly British response to an American sound, is thus the perfect vehicle for The 411. That creepy spy-movie guitar sounds just as eerie as it did in 1994 when it soundtracked Beth Gibbons' unending misery, and the best thing is that this is The 411's first substantial song to match the sample.The cadences in the verses remind me of at least three different hip-hop singles that I can't think of, and, oddly, Miss Independent. Some spooky, but pretty backing vocals and handclaps have changed the atmosphere into one of resigned acceptance rather than despondency. There's also a bit of personality emerging in their delivery, especially in the broken-down (just the beat) middle-eight which is downright creepy - well, as creepy as pop gets. The narrator, as silly as it seems to call it that in a group, says that "To see you hurt/To see you cry/Gives my soul a natural high" and "Your teardrops came and set me free" to say that another's pain has vindicated her, but there's something not quite convincing - you don't believe it, and like all the best pop drama, it's unresolved at the end, until you repeat. I had feared it would cannibalise too much by cribbing the wah-wah theremin outro, but it fades out at 3:05 after two more choruses, not quite freezing over, not quite tailing off, but absolutely perfect. It's a surprisingly knowing, effective recontextualisation of a sample that's very dear to a lot of people's hearts, but it doesn't come off too badly when placed next to Portishead - it's sleekly modern enough to stand on its own.

[MP3]

LEMAR - If There's Any Justice

Of course, not all Americanization goes right. Lemar's got Cassidy in on one version of this, and it's a jarring annoyance. But the version without it sounds empty too - largely because it sounds timider and quieter - something fits in the space, but what? It's a pity, because this is almost terrific too. Lemar's easy delivery works, particularly over the minimal, pulsing bass and beat, with strings colouring only when necessary. But where there's supposed to be a big chorus, something doesn't quite get there - maybe it's because the ante is upped slightly - the strings become more prominent, Lemar raises to suit, but the magic isn't present... I can think of bits I want toughened up, moved around, excised. Half-way can be really frustrating because there really is a fantastic single in here that of course can't get out now because it's finished. Damn it.

LEMON JELLY - Stay With You

An idea that's been lavishly painted and brought to its natural conclusion, but it was an unfinished, insufficient idea at the start, which is a pity. The one line sampled over and over again, "I wanna stay with you" is used as much as it can be - there's a particularly wonderful bit where it sounds like a climax - but it cuts out dead over cutting in-and-out backing, which is gorgeous, but shouldn't first singles be more than just fully realised? Musically, this is great, but it needs another line, another set of words to take it somewhere rather than it just cycling around in a pleasant manner. Something like Nice Weather For Ducks got around this by using a longer sample and breaking up into sections which made its six minutes a continuing pleasure. This is half the length and twice as laboured because there's just not enough in the idea to justify it going even three minutes. Very pretty, very effective and completely unnecessary in the end.

2004-10-22T17:09:00.000+10:00

What, you assumed because I'd heard the new Girls Aloud single that I'd be posting an Mp3 of it? What, you think I'm just another GA obsessed punter who never thinks about anyone else?

Oh wait, I am, and I am!

Girls Aloud - I'll Stand By You

It is sappy and manipulative and I love it. The original holds a special place in my heart, as it came out in the brief window between me starting to listen to music after a 2-year hiatus and then discovering (ugh) indie.

Also, if you speak Spanish, or are handy with a translator, please enjoy this link: Bizarre Love Triangle, where Miguel is attempting to prove that Girls Aloud are better than the Beatles, single for single. Now you can get a head start on entry seven, Miguel.

CHART CHALLENGE REMIX: Italy

2004-10-21T23:47:00.000+10:00

I warned you it was bad.

Anastacia is a repeat. She scored 5 when assessed in Finland, and that number carries. Even though she'd have gotten a better score from this jury. Which, due to the shitness of this chart, is smaller. See, France was INTERESTING. One new panelist: Scott Nash (SN), who has turned his complaining to the harsh mistress that is Europop, hoorah.

1. LAURA PAUSINI - Resta in Ascolto
EO: 5, SN: 3, AP: 7, PT: 2, SS: 7, CA: 1. Adjusted score: 4

SS: The female Eros Ramazzotti is back yet again in the scene, after not doing that great with her English effort (despite Surrender being quite a gem!) she's back to her Italian roots, and back to her uptemo ballads thingy as well it seems.
AP: I can't see this putting Laura back for good on the pan-European chart map, but a passable power ballad it is. Even the fact it sounds like it could have been written by Per Gessle and/or Diane Warren somewhere around 1989 does not irk me terribly.
EO: She's giving it a bit of stick in the chorus, but to no avail. Well into a coma by the time that gets here, deadly dull verses, great string sweep/drum bit towards the end, though - that gimmick could have been used a few more times to add some interest.
PT: Erm, Nice crisp drums? I really do try and listen to these yawn-fests but even this website I'm reading on how to make a casserole is more interesting and holds my attention for longer. Did she sound a bit like Avril?
SS: To be honest I expected something MUCH better from Mrs Pausini but this song just doesn't really do it to me, her voice is strong as usual but the melody isn't really working, maybe this could have worked as a Eurovision ballad if Italy had been participating, but as a #1 single it doesn't really work.
SN: I don't speak Italian, but if I had to guess what this song was about, based solely on Laura's apparent enthusiasm for her topic and the quality of the production, I'd bet on "hanging the washing" or "feeding the dog." There's a brief glimmer of interest when the chorus limps in...maybe they're out of dog food?
CA: Her voice and the production makes me think of Celine Dion for some reason, which could be a good thing but this time it isn't. I don't find it catchy and it simply gets boring after a few listens.

2. EAMON - Solo (translation of "Fuck It" in Italian, yes)
EO: 0, SN: 0, AP: 1, PT: 0, SS: 1, CA: 0. Adjusted score: 0

IT: See how much less of an impact your song makes when you remove one fucking word?
SS: Are Italians really that dumb? they just had this at #1 for who knows how long, so which sane person would really invest in another cd-single just for another version? I think everyone should blame Blue for this, they're the one to blame for all these Italian versions!
AP: From what I know, "solo" just translates to "alone", so it doesn't even have the "swearing in the title" novelty value. Now, how long do we give it till some cynical Italian label releases an answer-back track by a bird called "Francesca"?
SN: The only pleasure I derived from Eamon's original was counting the number of profanities he used. Now that it's in Italian, I can't even do that.
SS: If only Mussolini was alive. I'm sure he would have hung them all!

3. DURAN DURAN - (Reach Up For The Sunrise)
EO: 6, SN: 7, AP: 6, PT: 0, SS: 8, CA: 5. Adjusted score: 6

SS: It's not one of their best really, but certinaly one that chears you up a bit when it comes on the radio,
between the current bland 'rock' band and the next one who's trying to be Britney.
EO: The first single of theirs that has sounded a bit like Rio since... Rio! I've said it's the worst song on
the album, and it's not really (that'd be Bedroom Toys, it's just that Nice and Want You More are so much better than this.
SN: Unmistakably Simon Le Bon et al., but with a bit more grunt and a slightly better chorus. Give it a few years and it'll sound as dated as "A View To Kill" does now, so I'm going to make the most of it while I can.
AP: Given my penchant for happy clappy 80s handbag pop (am I the only one below the age of 31 to look forward muchly to the new Erasure album?), in theory I should probably be ecstatic about this little comeback of theirs. All in theory though, as this really is more bland than poptastic. However, I gladly take Edward's word for it that this is the worst to be found on the new album!
PT: What Dirge. Big comebacks NEED big singles. Blondie did it right.
EO: Really, why is this top 10 everywhere and Out Of My Mind sank without a trace? That was much better. I have a very long story about how Duran Duran are to blame about my Shameful Indie Phase of 1994-1999. Fortunately, I won't share it.
CA: I'm actually too young to remember Duran Duran and I haven't bothered to check them out. The only song I know they did is Wild Boys and that's because Phixx covered it (badly - EO)earlier this year. However I don't care much for their comeback. The chorus of this song is catchy but the verses are bad and it's the singers dreadful voice's fault.

4. REM - Leaving New York
EO: 1, SN: 1, AP: 5, PT: 6, SS: 5, CA: 7. Adjusted score: 4

CA: I've been a fan of R.E.M. as long as I can remember but I wasn't very keen on this at first. Thank god it's a grower though - I like it now.
EO: Jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle jangle. They've lowered the bar again! New Adventures In Hi-Fi was good, wasn't it? I seem to be doubting the fact that they were ever good now...
PT: At one point in their career REM songs had energy and hooks. These days they plod and if we are lucky they'll have a hook. It's all very nice and everything but to me it's still not proper REM. I'd put it down to them losing their drummer all that time ago.
SS: R.E.M. always were a bit of mystery to me, I mean everyone loves them really, you can't hate R.E.M , no matter what they release every radio station will play it, and eventually if you like it or not you'll find yourself humming that song as well
AP: Probably heart-rending and painfully poignant for people with more patience than me.
PT: Buck's still writing nice melodies and Stipe can still give the songs feeling, but there is nothing underlying driving the song, or them. I think what I'm trying to say is that this doesn't pop.
SS: This song got many great reviews for being so good, but not over here it don't, it's just boring, I really don't get, and I feel like I already heard it about 754 times, when infact it's just about the 10th time i'm hearing this, but then again like I said before, I can't really hate it as well.
AP: It strengthens me in my conviction that last year's GH is all I need to own by them for now.

6. MICHAEL BUBLE - Spiderman Theme
EO: 0, SN: 10, AP: 0. PT: 8, SS: 1. CA: 1. Adjusted score: 3

EO: I hate Michael Buble. My mother likes him, but oh, he should be strung up. I specifically asked all respondents to give this a zero. Because it deserves it. Why?
CA: How dare he turn the Spiderman theme into a really bad jazz mess. This is really bad, thank god it didn't make it into the soundtrack for Spiderman 2.
SS: Being back to the 80s was fine, but the 50s are not a very friendly place to be.
PT: Ha Ha. This is great. Not as good as the Ramones version obviously, but still..wheres the Jamie Cullum version for our chart? OK I hate Cullum with a passion but if he did this I'd consider him some sort of genius, in a twisted way it'd probably be his defining moment.
AP: If I ever start up my own record label though, my first initiative would be a compilation series called "Now That's What I Call Music for people who don't like music", with an anthology of tracks by Melua, Cullum, R***n K*****g and this bloke, and watch it go platinum in no time.
EO: Do you see? That's TWO people who've mentioned the C-word (Cullum). After accidentally enjoying Katie Melua's Crawling Up A Hill, (forgive me!) I can't take any more chances with this sort of toss.
SN: I probably won't be allowed back after giving this song this score, but I'm going to do it anyway. While I quite liked Mr Buble's original version, the JXL remix gives this little swinger the bombastic horns and swaggering beats it deserves. And the key change? Perfection. Most definitely a cynical cash-in after the success of the movie, but one I'm happy to put on repeat any time.

7. LUCA DIRISIO - Calma E Sangue Freddo
EO: 6, SN: 8, AP: 3, PT: 10, SS: 8, CA: 4. Adjusted score: 8

SN: Ooh, jaunty! There's something geeky about this song that I can't quite put my finger on, but it's all the more endearing for that. I love the loping rhythm, the rather jumpy vocal line in the verses, the unexpected Rhodes organ...not so keen on the chorus, but you can't have everything.
EO: I'm probably alone, but the jumpiness of this makes me think of an Italian, less annoying Jason Mraz. Seems longer than it is, but kind of awkwardly charming. So, scrap that description then.
AP: Ah Italia, the nearest country I can think off where it is not deviant for men to have names ending in -a. Well, thatobservation is more fascinating than this song anyhow.
CA: I can see why Italy likes Luca - he's damn hot! That doesn't help the song much though, it's boring. But it's still the best local song in this chart by my opinion.
PT: Wow, lovely. Skips along with great pace, nice bridge and launches into a hook-laden chorus. A slighty less-than funky organ flutters around a bit, but the bongo-reggae vibe is what pushes the song along. fPretty good production as well.
SS: The Italian music scene also has become weak in recent times. 5 years ago, I could point out at least 5 songs in the top 20 I liked, not anymore though. This song is fun, really it's fun listening to it, has a great melody and hook, and is a bit original I guess. I've been listening to this for a few weeks now, and it's still rather fun listening to it again, it's not so memorable though, which is its downside.

8. TIZIANO FERRO & JAMELIA - Universal Prayer
EO: 1, SN: 1, AP: 5, PT: 2, SS: 7, CA: 3. Adjusted score: 3

EO: And, separated from really good material, Jamelia proves once again she doesn't have very much charisma at all!
CA: I like Jamelia but I don't understand why she teamed up with dreadful Tiziano. He destroyed the summer of 2002 with Perdono and the followup single was also really bad.
EO: Perverso was good though.
SN: I saw the grandiose title. I saw that Jamelia played a part. I had high hopes for this song. I now see that this enthusiasm was more than a little misguided. I vow to learn from my mistakes. The ghastly synthesised strings and tin whistle make me want to hunt down and kill the inventor of the Casio keyboard. Oh, and leave the "you can do anything" lyrics to S Club 7, would you? Maybe it's a grower, but I'm not willing to listen to it that many times to find out.
PT: Laughable duet. Got a nice scatty beat towards the begining, but this was always going to be another bloody dreary ballad. Oddly reminisent of that Ashanti & ...sorry, I've gone blank. Some clever layering of the uh's, what, and cmon's and the familiar beat does have a fewredeeming factors - mainly its taking the focus of the awful lyrics. It's all by numbers and it's all so-very-predictible.
EO: "Open your eyes, we're all the same". This is the sort of thing that makes me very, very, angry. Along with pointless "yeah"s between verses.. oh it has those too.
SS: The song itself is not so great, despite having 2 good singers on it, the chours is OK, if a bit silly, and the verses
aren't really doing anything, but I still like it from some strange reason.
AP: Dear Ms Jamelia Davis, kindly vow that you will put an end to this recent spiral of spreading yourself thin by seemingly turning into a collaboration whore. You ARE superior to the status of female Sean Paul, you know. That said, this is not all bad, if a bit plodding.
CA: Good chorus but the lyrics are lame.
PT: I wish that Jamelia was never given a second roll of the pop die (Money remains the best thing shes ever done).
SS: This is by far Tiziano's WORST single release, and I love him usually, stick to the Italian! The English doesn't work!
AP: Has anyone ever told Tiziano to blow his nose before entering a recording studio though?

9. VERDENA - Elefante
EO: 1, SN: 2, AP: 2. PT: 0, SS: 9, CA: 0. Adjusted score: 2

SS: Oh what is this ? Did Muse release an Italian version to one of their songs and forgot to change the artists name? Really this is SO Muse. Such a rip off, but it's working, that guitar string is something Muse actually didn't produce since 'Origin Of Symmetry' ! Yes the vocals aren't as strong as Matt Bellamy's , but it really does work as a song!
SN: Is this emo? Alt-rock? Nu-metal? I get so confused. You'd think a song named after a large jungle-dwelling animal would be better, wouldn't you. What a day of disappointment this has turned out to be.
AP: I appreciate the fact their album title appears to translate as "The Samurai's Suicide". Very Pet Shop Boys B-side-like. Oh, the song, you ask? Not my cup of Earl Gray, I have to say. If I want "angsty continental goth-lite nonsense", HIM and Within Temptation are much more up my alley!
PT: They've nicked that riff wholesale from the Foo Fighters. Some attempts at muffled growls that don't seem muffled enough for my liking. This song doesn't attempt to go anywhere. I wonder if the band actually believe this is good? Yawn.
EO: Unfortunately, the Foo Fighters song this resembles is the one where Dave Grohl and Jack Black are in drag. Ugly. Just like this. I am not averse to ugly rock songs - I actually like Muse, but this is clumsy and deeply... thudding. I get the feeling if you listened to this on headphones for an extended period of time you would lose the ability to hear things except very trebly dance music. Convenient, because after this, I want to listen to ANYTHING that does not feature a guitar.

10. MARILYN MANSON - Personal Jesus
EO: 5, SN: 9, AP: 4. PT: 1, SS: 6, CA: 0. Adjusted score: 4.

SS: Quelle surprise, Manson doesn't really mess it up, in fact he hasn't really changed much apart from adding some more guitars. Of course it doesn't come close to the greatness of the original, but still it's fun hearing this song on the radio I guess.
PT: Anger. Arrrrgh. Sounds like he's eating the microphone again.
EO: I wasn't surprised that this sounded exactly as I expected, but I was surprised to find I didn't hate it completely. It's a pretty sturdy song, and the loping RAWK rhythm of the original has really just been beefed up and sung by someone a bit awful. Hardly the end of the world.
SN: I tell you what, this sounds positively glorious after almost everything that's come before it. Glam rock with more guitars and vitriol = a Very Good Thing Indeed.
SS: I muchly prefers Johnny Cash's take from last year though.
SN: For what it's worth, I think he'd do a very good job of covering of Rachel Stevens' Some Girls.
AP: I find it quite hard to come up with any other response than *shrugs shoulders* Luckily the original wouldn't really rank among my faves by the Mode -- at least he didn't pick Enjoy the Silence or Never Let Me Down Again. Or, heaven forfend, The Meaning of Love! *dances around handbag*
PT: Also for somebody who is meant to be "controversial" he never says anything interesting.
CA: Am I the only one who's tired of Manson turning great 80's songs (this, Sweet Dreams, Tainted Love etc.) into shit?

Well, that was really dire. 39 points, which I think was quite generous, and one-fifth of it came from one song which somehow managed to get an 8. I'm not hugely enamoured of it, but since it's the best local song and it got at least a 7, here it is.

LUCA DIRISIO - Calma E Sangue Freddo

Next time, it's the United Kingdom. Ugh, Manic Street Preachers will be Number One, so hopefully everyone will give them a good bash for how rubbish they've become.

Back to the beginning (or, Idol re-examined)

2004-10-20T20:19:00.000+10:00

Occasionally, I feel the need to revisit things I've written before. This usually results in being self-conscious because of my variable, amateurish style, and a tendency to pick up things that seem obvious in hindsight.

This very first post is a good example, in which the dreaded Cultural Cringe swalloed me whole. I've got much love for the fodder of reality TV pop shows. Girls Aloud and Will Young put out two of the best pop albums of 2003, and I've got much love for the work (released or not) of Sarah Whatmore, Rosie Ribbons, some of the Preluders' (from Germany) singles, Natalia from Belgium has put out four strong singles, and two of my favourite singles this year have been out of Finnish Idol - Antti Tuisku and Christian Forss.

But Guy, Guy Guy, pushed far too many of the buttons I didn't like. Syrupy treacle didn't become him, and while I'm not entirely convinced by his R&B influence - even to the point of his label scraping a video for being too pop - remembering that this is someone who brought the house down with a rendition of Climb Every Mountain, ferchrissake.

Anyway, I thought that given how unfair it was to compare his record-label sanctioned debut with a more carefully thought out Will Young song, it's time to reevaluate now Guy's second album, Beautiful Life, is out. The single Out With My Baby isn't too bad, but as with much of the album, as far as R&B goes, it's awfully polite, not too surprising in a country where (oh god, here comes the Cringe again) a record label's request for something funky is usually met with a referral to the fucking Rockmelons (this comment will be lost on foreigners, I'm sorry). There are a few sickly ballads, though none as bad as Angels Bought Me Here, including a particularly awful one with Mya, but elsewhere, it's pleasant, lightweight fare. Great songwriting is thin on the ground, as is interesting production, but there's a concerted sense of effort hanging over it, and it's not hard to pore over it and find a lot of songs that could have worked really well with just a little more oomph on the production, and also to wonder which of Guy's producers had their foot so firmly pressed on the decelerator pedal.

The one absolute winner is I Wish, which is as much I Want You Back as Supernatural - in other words, a pretty impressive disco-soul groove with an impeccable, authentic 70s squelch about it. Female backing vocals, sweeping strings both disco and horror movie in places - but think a more organic Rock Your Body, and if the soul is plastic, then it's pretty great plastic. It's enough to make me think there's a great pop star in Guy if only he had motive and opportunity to become it. (EDIT: Yes, I am aware that it's a Stevie Wonder cover, but it's a good one, and yes, this does destroy the anti-cult-cringe point of this post, but anyway, it's great)

For the benefit of overseas people who didn't get the Rockmelons reference, here is an MP3 of I Wish. [MP3]

2004-10-18T20:39:00.000+10:00

I selected three songs for the Stypod this week. The fact that one of them is a Marc Almond cover is rather pitiful timing, given this.

PORTOBELLA - Viva La Difference

2004-10-18T08:58:00.000+10:00

Obviously, if Covered In Punk couldn't become a hit this won't either, but it's so surprising that this works, because it doesn't contain any of the elements that made CIP so great - the shouting chorus, the utterly addictive propulsive beat - but it at at least keeps the okay bits. It's a lot slower, references "new romance" instead of punk, but the groove on this one is a bit more... well, if it went the whole way it would almost be hypnotic, and instead of delivering its payload in the prechorus, the big hook moment waits until the break just before the last chorus itself - "I'll be there. I'll be THERE!" yelped out loudly before a spoken-word interlude that reminds me ever-so-slightly of Transvision Vamp for some reason.

Not quite a ball-tearer, but a pretty catchy thing nonetheless. Probably a lot easier to dance to without hurting yourself too. I can't think of a bad song with "Viva" in the title, though admittedly I am unable to think beyond Shampoo's Viva La Megababes right about now. [MP3]

2004-10-15T06:48:00.000+10:00

Further to lack of inspiration, I was doing the mail-out for the Italian edition of the Chart Challenge Remix and I was most dismayed to see how rubbish their top 10 is. Seriously, after two interesting, idiosyncratic ones, this is dull as dishwater.

One thing I did notice was this amusing, catchy little rap number outside the top 20. Hopefully it'll climb a bit. It's not as good as Caparezza, obviously, but its stumbling, tripping rhythm is doing nice things to my ears nonetheless. Almost makes me want to clap. Also note that the artist is called Fish. FISH!

Fish - Resta Ancora

KYLIE MINOGUE - Giving You Up

2004-10-11T21:57:00.000+10:00

So she finally worked with Xenomania, then. It's an interesting prospect, because Kylie's personality is pretty much static enough for it to be consistent even when she diverges wildly from expectation (not that she does it that often), whereas the Xenomania template is so forceful that it tends to bring out different parts of lesser personalities; witness the way that Girls Aloud's trademark is equal parts retro and future, or the way Sugababes' insouciance was basically swept aside by the sheer force of a song like Round Round.

The difference, then, between this and a Girls Aloud single is that this lacks the futuristic sparkle, but it has the same impeccable 80s crunch and in fact, the closest comparison would be Saint Etienne's recent forays into retro-electro - especially New Thing. Actually, to be honest, it doesn't sound completely finished, the verses are superior to the choruses but basically, if you're a regular reader, the idea of that incredibly familiar synth rumbling and beat under Kylie's newfound breathy range is a good idea no matter what the details are.

As far as new tracks on unnecessary greatest hits packages go, it's worth hearing. Cleverer people than I have speculated her days of making incredible pop singles are long behind her, but this is someone for whom good is merely a glitch. [MP3]

2004-10-06T16:17:00.000+10:00

blah blah blah

Toe Tag - Deja Vu [MP3]
Mighty 44 - This Love Ain't Going On [MP3]

The latter is an intriguing little bit of Eurohop that I am assuming is Estonian but I guess could easily be Finnish as the two languages have some similarity. The second one is definitely Finnish and reminds me of the kind of music that people made when they were trying to be the next Snap!.

Sorry, I'm a bit uninspired and uninspiring today.

CHART CHALLENGE... the Remix! FRANCE.

2004-10-01T10:18:00.000+10:00

Returning from last round are myself (EO), Jessica (JP) and Diego (DV), but also this round:

TW: Tom White, Euromaniac and cyber playboy (Apparently)
GD: Geoff aka Lockedintheattic, who just submitted scores last time
CA: Christoffer, who does The Sounds of Sweden. Hooray!
SS: Shahaf, "just a chart freak, really"
AP: Andries P, the greatest pop fan in all of Belgium
PT: Paul Thomas, not predominately a pop person, but we won't hold it against him.

And I'll probably end up updating this bitch when I get a late ballot or two (hint hint!). Hooray for ungainly and long posts, though.

(EDIT on 6/10 to correct some stupid spelling mistakes, and while it was too late to be included, Dave Raposa's invective-rich ballot for France is far too good not to post in its entirety.)

1. AVENTURA - Obsession
EO: 3. JP: 2. DV: 10. TW: 6. GD: 7. CA: 7. AP: 5. SS: 10. PT: 0. ADJUSTED SCORE: 6

AP: Being a Flemish Belgian I am QUITE acquainted with this already thankyouverymuch, seeing that the darn thing spent a total of 29 weeks on our own charts (If you'll allow my chart anorak showing for a brief minute -- a feat which has only been bettered by two other singles over the past 10 years, being Everything But The Girl's "Missing" and a cheesy comeback attempt by camp middle-aged Dutch crooner Rob de Nijs from 1996 which translates to "There's no heart more afraid than mine" -- this will all be on the exam, boys and girls!).
EO: There are two kinds of people in this world: those who love this song, and those who don't see what the fuss is about. Count me as the former. I ran out of things to say about this one months ago.
SS: I can't really define what genre this is exactly, but i'm loving it for a year now, and it hasn't reallly ages a bit. Just watch the endless covers who are coming ala Dragostea Din Tei...
PT: A boy meets girl duet (probably) with a hint of salsa and feels oh-so-eighties. Your mum and dad would probably dance to this.
JP: The phone/talky bit at the start is novel and the girl singer in the chorus is bearable, but the rest just sounds like a big mess to me. What am I missing?
DV: Begins like a latin Love Is The Drug; the Lexus-flaunting macho on the prowl makes a desperate call to the young girl he's currently trying to impress, instead of taking the damn car to the singles' bar downtown. However young she might be, she already knows the score: over a harmony different enough from the verses as to underline her wisdom, she politely informs him that what's in his mind should not be considered exactly love. She could have suggested a cool shower as well, but she's probably too tired.
AP: Anyway, those Latino siblings and their (probably unrelated) minstrel first hit Belgian airwaves in dead of winter and could still frequently be heard in seething hot mid-summer, so you can imagine it has "somewhat" suffered from overkill. For me personally the appeal had by and large worn off by early spring.
GD: Really grew on me. Simple, unusual, and catchy.
TW: I still haven't quite made if I like the combination of the Latin sound and the boyband vocals. I'd probably love if it had a backing like early Max Martin though. Its only saving grace is the great remix by Gabry Ponte, the guy from Eiffel 65. Damn I miss those guys. Seriously.
CA: I hated it at first but it has really grown on me and I like it now. I'm usually not so keen on these kind of songs but I like the singer and the girl-part is very catchy. The video is dreadful though.
AP: Still, the gentle instrumentation reminds me of another hit from the Dominican Republic (the only other I can come up with, in fact), Burbujas de amor by Juan Luis Guerra, which in turn reminds me of the summer of 1991, for which it provided my personal soundtrack along with such seminal cuts as Désenchantée, Gypsy Woman, Last Train to Trancentral and Crucified. Since these were by all accounts happier days in the life of Andries, silly sentimental me finds it hard to give this less than 5.

2. BRITNEY SPEARS - Everytime
EO: 9. JP: 6. DP: 6. TW: 6. GD: 3. CA: 10. AP: 8. SS: 4. PT: 4. ADJUSTED SCORE: 7.

CA: One of my favorite Britney-songs and I'm not tired of it even if it's extremly overplayed. It's a classic!
AP: Now, before I get to the point (i.e. my opinion on this particular song), I would like to state I am strongly sceptical towards Britney's status as the female pop star of the century so far being in any way justified on the strengths of the girl's (woman's?/not a girl, not yet a woman's?) back catalogue. It all started off so incredibly promising with THAT debut
single five years ago, but I'd be hard-pressed to find any single released inbetween "Crazy" and "Toxic" that would have ever been more than a very minor hit for a singer with half her fame and PR. Textbook example of style over substance (and even the former is highly debatable). But then of course she took everyone and their slightly queer cousin by surprise with THAT Katharine Dennis-penned golden pop nugget, and she did not even disappoint with this follow-up, her very first downtempo single that does not make *me* ask to be intoxicated now.
JP: She should have released Brave New Girl.
EO: Or The Wanking Song. Backed with a cover of I Touch Myself.
JP: Still, she gets several points just for being Britney.
GD: 3 points, and they're all for Stephen Dorff's body in the video.
SS: Thank god for the dance remixes though, which save it a bit.
AP: Very sadly, her golden pop streak has now prematurely come to an end already by cutting the In the Zone project short, and serving us a half-cooked 80s cover instead to promote, erm, a GH package (but more on that in a month or so when it will likely grace the Top 10 in every European chart under the sun *grumbles, mutters, rolls eyes at humanity and such and such*)

3. O-ZONE - Despre Tine
EO: 5. JP: 7. DV: 2. TW: 7. GD: 8. CA: 8. AP: 6. SS: 10. PT: 1. ADJUSTED SCORE: 7.

JP: You'll recognise the intro from the DDT video when they are preparing to board the plane. The song is not that different to Dragostea Din Tei but it's fairly enjoyable.
CA: I think this was a bad choice as the second single but it seems to be doing well wherever it's been released anyway, and that's great. Good to see that O-Zone isn't a one-hit-wonder after all. However, I think it's a good song and the video is very ace.
SS: Excellent tune, i'm enjoying this muchly and it just as cheesy as it should be. By the way the old version from Romania is superior to the new radio edit, which is excellent anyway.
GD: This is basically Dragostea Din Te part 2. Still, if you're going to keep making the same record, it might as well be a good one. Not quite the same magic as the original, but still good enough.
EO: The whole album is like this. In cases like this, you keep the best result and throw away the rest. And this isn't the best result, obviously. This is "the one with whistling".
DV: This gives empirical platform boots to those who took for granted they only had one song in them.
TW: I have the album, and I really liked this track at first, but I've gone off it a little bit to be honest. About the most interesting thing about this song is the comically misplaced whistling, though it doesn't really have the mind-numbingly catchy factor of DDT (the song, not the pesticide).
PT: It starts out exactly like Plug It In so I can't completely hate on it. Actually yes, yes I can. It's the one with the deep voice that really grates - he should be doing some spoken word thing with William Shatner - not euro-pop.
AP: Having actuated my physique (AKA "strutted my stuff") and uttered many a suppressed yodel myself to "Dragostea..." over the past half a year or so, it pains me to say I am not sensing half as much Eurolove for the new offering by the Moldovan "ma-ia-hii"-mooing merchants. It's not so much the "churn out a painfully obvious xerox of the previous hit in the hope of striking gold twice" approach that irks me (why, Maxx' "No More", Jam & Spoon's "Find Me" and Ann Lee's "Voices" amongst many others have all been known to receive healthy airplay on Andries FM), but something different that I cannot quite put my finger on. Nonetheless, at the local homosexualist gathering I attended on Friday night, it seemed to drum up as much response from the crowd as the previous one (though maybe the majority of them were so high on poppers they didn't notice a difference), so there must be something about O-Zone that might extend their fifteen minutes by at least another 21 seconds (apologies for any So Solid Crew association caused). And if anything, it should keep my pet O-Zoner, that nice 'n tall cheeky charmer Dan, from quitting the group to become A Serious Singer/Songwriter for just a little while yet.
TW: In breaking news, the band may be about to split, as lead singer Dan Balan is about to release the English version of Dragostea… in the States as a solo record. Hmmmm.

4. T-RIO - (Choopeta) Mamae Et Quero
EO: 0. JP: 4. DV: 0. TW: 4: GD: 0. CA: 2. SS: 6. AP: 4. PT: 10. ADJUSTED SCORE: 3.

AP: What do you call bargain-bin Las Ketchup, when Las Ketchup were already pretty much bottom of the holiday-resort-from-hell Europop barrel?
GD: I imagine this record has a sun-drenced video, probably on a beach, featuring a novelty dance routine. Sadly, unlike classic summer novelty records, if this one tried to cross the English Channel I suspect it would drown.
CA: It's a fun song indeed, but not my kind of songs at all. I think it's quite worthless and I got tired of it after a few listens.
JP: I bet this is off a TV advert, isn't it? It's also rather Las Ketchup-esque and very cheerful, so I can see why it's been a hit. Not for me though.
TW: Nao bom, as they say in Brazil. It's got a vague whiff of holiday hit to it but not really enough to be catchy or likeable. Most of the problem in my opinion is that Portuguese sounds a lot like Martian, especially when you're probably French. I love so-called novelty hits, although that only extends to when they're good. I have a feeling the band was formed in a reality show. You can kind of tell.
EO: I get the feeling that if I listened to this a lot, I would probably change the score from 0 to an 8 or something, just like I do with every bizarre pop song like this. But thousands of miles from France, I'm safe, thankfully.
SS: Taking an old children's song and turning it into a serious pop song almost never works, and in this case it doesn't work much either, still it's a bit harmless I guess, does nothing. It gets extra points from me because here in Israel, it is connected to an old "cult movie" that was made here over 20 years ago.
PT: Just. So. Joyous. From the small outerspace "whoosh!" sound at the start through to final "ariba-ahh!" at the end. I love the way there is a slight hiccup at the start of every chorus, I imagine them bouncing up and down on the spot in time to the "momo-momo". Oh, and the fantabolous trumpet solo in the middle. Actually it's a bit after halfway but it's worth listening to just for that. Every time I play the song I re-access, sometimes I feel it might be grating away at me, but then the trumpet manages to save the day every single time. It feels like something we all should've spent the summer listening to.
AP: , I can't picture this Brazil threesome still at the top of any charts come Christmas time. Or indeed, anyone remembering their existence three months from now.
DV: This is the kind of music that's used to "spice up" cheap night shows at regional TV channels in Spain.

5. SLAI - Flamme
EO: 2. JP: 5. DV: 7. TW: 7. GD: 0. CA: 0. SS: 4: AP: 1. PT: 4. ADJUSTED SCORE: 3.

PT: ASWAD? Actually it's more of a sub-par Sting effort with added-extra over crooning. It's inoffensive enough I suppose but really rather boring.
GD: Hmm. This one sounds like it's a 45 being mistakenly played at 33rpm. (apologies to younger readers who don't understand this reference). And he can't hit the high notes. Dreadful.
EO: Zouk is a very useful word in Scrabble. Outside of that, I have no use for it. I like the creepy "woo" bits. Also, there is a remix featuring Buju Banton, who is a twat. Too slow.
SS: Zouk is so 2003, We had ENOUGH last year, it just keep sounding like they're releaseing the same song over and over and over ... this one sounds a bit like a very much slowed version of Turn Me On as well.
AP: Kevin Lyttle's considerably less droll Gallic cousin (who sounds suspiciously constipated at it) gets no love but a premature click on the little square inbetween "Pause" and "Next" on my WinAmp.
CA: This is a very boring french ballad which sounds like a thousend others, and it gets kind of Turkish sometimes which is just awful.
TW: Ooh, nice. Like the vibe of this. You wouldn't think of France as a very soulful country but this definitely has more groove than most of what I've heard in a similar vibe out of the states lately. The vocals are good, lyrics are pleasant and the production is more than competent. Despite the Buju Banton connection, I'd welcome this in the UK chart with open arms. Point deducted for said Buju Banton remix being rubbish.
JP: I got all excited at the start of this cos it sounded like Ace of Base, but the song is actually quite dull and dated. Not horrible but nothing special either.

6. NADIYA - Et C'est Parti
EO: 8. JP: 9. DV: 8. TW: 9. GD: 9. CA: 10. SS: 5. AP: 3. PT: 3. ADJUSTED SCORE: 8

JP: Now this is more like it! This is ace! Very catchy, great beat and backing track.
DV: What's that? Music for gyms to Eno's music for airports? If it's true that the iPod has a mind of its own, this should pop up everytime you do push-ups. If it's "Popcorn" instead, the iPod has both intelligence and a sense of humour.
JP: I particularly love the talky bit in the middle introducing Nadiya boxing ring-style and the "nononono"s in the background.
SS: Nadiya follows up her not so good debut with ... the SAME track! yes you've heard it right, she renamed it, and changed the lyrics a bit, but it's the SAME track, the music is identical, but at least the chorus on this one works a bit better.
CA: A powerful partysong with a catchy chorus - what more can you ask for!? The fact that she sings in French makes it even better.
AP: For a country which has issued delectable chanteuses like Myl?ne F., Françoise H., France G., Vanessa P., Juliette G. and, wahey why not, Alizée, one does wonder why la France is remotely interested in demoiselles whose main aim is to sound as if they hail from the US of America, when there are plenty where those came from in the first place (then again, it worked for Sarah Connor). Listenable in a "hotchpotch of clichés lifted from assorted US urban hits which could be heard dominating global airwaves anytime between January 2003/summer 2004" way, I suppose, but on my "choon" radar it barely registers a twitch.
EO: To be fair, it didn't work for Sarah Connor, because she is crap.
TW: Having seen the artwork for this on a French website the other day, she looked like she was going to be a French Jentina (erm, it was the boxing gloves) but this is much better than I thought. The epic feel of it with the strings and stuff is pretty impressive, I have a feeling it's based on a film theme but I don't know which. The vocals aren't perfect but the production makes up for that as I said, plus the way she says "everybody" is (probably unintentionally) cute. I've had this in my head all week and I don't even like R&B much! But i'm just a complete epic strings whore really.
GD: Wow. This is a big record. Big beats, big strings, big drums, big everything. This is a record with balls,and Nadiya really spits those vocals out. Love it, definitely my favourite of the week. I've taken one point off for the cheesy rap.
EO: I, on the other hand, added a point for the cheesy rap, because cheesy raps are great.
PT: I just can't stand the whole "Lets Have a Party!" vibe as it doesn't really sound like much of a fun party. It's late and you're tired, your guests are either throwing up or have passed out, the dog is missing and someone has fallen in the garden pond but you still have to keep up the pretence it's a great party because its your party.

7. BLACK EYED PEAS - Let's Get It Started
EO: 0. JP: 3. DV: 7. TW: 7. GD: 6. CA: 3. SS: 6. AP: 5. PT: 2. ADJUSTED SCORE: 4.

AP: Set back your clocks, if you are able or inclined to do so, to late September 2003. All over the planet, charts are being stormed by a ditty called "Where is the Love" from an ensemble entitled rather humorously (well, the first couple of times you hear it) The Black Eyed Peas. Fast-forward then: late September 2004. Said ensemble has now notched up four global-scale hits, which have accumulated radio spins exceeding the population number of a random poverty-stricken South East Asian country times three, with ease. What do you know, this one's all over the radio yet again, and nearing the "throwing things to make it stop" phase. Quite frankly I can't remember my sentiments when I downloaded the original version all those many moons ago, so I'll give it the rating I'd -- quite subjectively, I admit -- give it now: 5
DV: A few months before their eventual unplugged album, I admitted I liked at least one Black Eyed Peas track. Even though they try so hard, doesn't they?
SS: Didn't we already get tired of the Black Eyed Peas about 8 months ago?
EO: I don't know. I got tired of the Black Eyed Peas six years ago. Or whenever that dreadful Joints And Jams came out.

8. MAROON 5 - This Love
EO: 8. JP: 10. DV. 9. TW: 6. GD: 7. CA: 10. SS: 8. AP: 6. PT: 8. ADJUSTED SCORE: 9.

CA: Another song that has had massive airplay but still hasn't tired me.
GD: I'm getting a bit bored of this now, although it's still a good song. And Adam is very cute.
DV: It would be a 10 if someone told me this was written by Gregg Alexander.
AP: My opinion of this old-as-the-hills-in-chart-pop-terms chestnut (I heard it first back in March) has been somewhat clouded by hearing it interpreted by a Flemish Pop Idol 2 contestant called Born [yes, BORN -- named after the Patrick Hernandez disco staple "Born to Be Alive" of all things, and, erm, by lack of a more euphemistic phrasing, in possession of the "Kurt Nilsen factor"]. It was actually not bad and it reminded me that behind the disgusting overplay (hearing this one played thirteen times in less than half as many days, is nearly enough to long back to Nickelback), lies a not-bad pop song.
PT: Learning the art of hiding a great pop song on a M.O.R album.

9. CALOGERO & PASSI - Face A La Mer
EP: 6. JP: 8. DV: 1. TW: 6. GD: 3. CA: 10. SS: 9. AP: 7. PT: 9. ADJUSTED SCORE: 8.

DV: Cute idea, but poorly (as in "not very good" as well as in "low-budget") executed. Sounds like it was recorded as advised by Computer Music, and arranged by someone who takes magazines like that seriously.
JP: Sort of like The Rasmus go rap. And French.
PT: The lyrical-flow, the beats, the piano wrapped up into an apocalyptic, dark sounding song. It sounds like they have the same rapper/singer set-up as Linkin Park, except the whiney one isn't so whiney here.
AP: The weak point here though is this Passi gentleman. The French language to me sounds ever so much more agreeable from the mouth of a lady or Lolita singer who sounds either at the height of orgasm or bored out of her brain (and in some instances both) than from that of a male rapping at spitfire tempo. Still, the repetitive piano loop alone has quite an enchanting effect, and if that worked in favour of Keane, I see no reason why it can't here.
SS: Probably the best French single released this year! Calogero took time to grow on me, but he slowly improved and this is his essential peak, Passi's rap is ok as well on this, but it could've worked without it as well I reckon.
TW: Meh is the word really. Rock and rap can work together, no question, but the rocky bit just isn't loud or forceful enough (though the line "je prends mon dernier r?ve" = "I'm dreaming my last dream" is quite hard hitting). The rap is pretty good though, and I will listen to French rap sometimes (MC Solaar is great!).
EO: Gave this a 6 last time, thankfully because it sounds like a 6 still. Second half of chorus still a thing of great daftness and wonder. Could have been fantastic with a better riff.
GD: This starts off quite nicely (I've always quite liked French rap), even if he is a bit of an amateurish MC Solaar soundalike. But then the song suffers a tragic fatal collision with an 80s hair metal number and dies before it can be resuscitated.
CA: I love the way they mix hip-hop and rock but still the background makes it sound so pop. This could be a hit in the rest of Europe too with a good video and english lyrics.
PT: A lot of the time I think that American rappers are trying to emulate the French style somewhat, rather than the perceived view of the other way round.

10. NATASHA ST PIER & PASCAL OBISPO - Mourir Demain
EO: 4. JP: 3. DV: 1. TW: 10. GD: 6. CA: 0. SS: 6. AP: 4. PT: 6. ADJUSTED SCORE: 5.

AP: I don't really hold Natasha's Céline style of singing against her, mainly thanks to her providing a beacon of light in the historically poor Eurovision edition of 2001, and Monsieur Obispo is no stranger either, his "Fan" being my sixth-favourite French-language hit of 2003. Together however the combination yields somewhat less than the sum of the parts.
JP: Pretty boring apart from the fun French counting at the end.
GD: Eek, it's an 80s soft rock number. And I thought French music had moved on. This could have been so much better though, I love Natasha's voice, and there could have been some lobely harmonising here but the whole thing just comes across as lazy.
DV: At 1:26 the two singers duet for a line and it's really nice. I want to loop it and use the rest of the mp3 to feed my dog.
PT: there are chunky guitars, solid drumming, yes there's a little electronica, and even a half-hearted "1,2,3,4" but it doesn't feel in the least bit refreshing. The vocals seem hopelessly out of place as well. And how does a breakdown with, get this, whispered vocals grab you? Dangerously close to dad rock when it could've easily been hard rock, and probably good too.
EO: I was going to say it was too fast to be properly soft rock, but really now, it IS soft rock.
TW: This is a step up from the last one. I know both of the artists, Natasha for her Eurovision performance (a bit Celine Dion for my liking) and Obispo because he sang Frozen on a French Madonna tribute that was on satellite here in the UK. The production is good and the arrangement is nice and punchy, I could imagine Busted or someone like that covering it in English – in a good way. I like the way the lyrics play with words and sounds in the tradition of Serge Gainsbourg. Lines like "D'autres qui s'enfermeraient chez eux les yeux fermés" (roughly "some people would shut themselves up at home and close
their eyes") are more about sound patterns than actual the meaning, but in my opinion that gives it a really nice feel. Nadiya was going to be my favourite, but this really gets you after a few listens! It's a 10!
SS: Oh it's ANOTHER song from Pascal Obispo performed by Natasha , and this time he also stuck himself on the song as well ... well we heard it before , a few times, but that is the finest example of the generic Obispo sound the French love so much, despite scoring a few great tunes, usually he makes avarage pop track who you get tired of pretty fast, like this one.
PT: However, begrudgingly, I like it.
AP: Distorted electrical guitars don't tend to win me over either, unless you're called Sinéad Quinn or Amy Studt. (ooh, now if you put THOSE two together!)

Right. So the top scoring local song is Nadiya, with a slightly superior average than Calogero/Passi, although its appeal was far less to people who were more familiar with it, meaning that anyone reading this from France or around there will think we're all missing the point and have no taste whatsoever.

And in the end, that's what this blog's all about, so here is Nadiya: [MP3].

France scores 60. Pattern forming? I think non. But a much less unanimous panel this time.

If this looks like fun to you, and you can receive lots of large files in your inbox, email me and you can take part in the next round, which is Italy. Hoorah.

EMINEM - Just Lose It

2004-09-27T22:32:00.000+10:00

On the one hand, I quite like it when it's playing, but the shock of Eminem coming out with such an electro single was pretty much ruined by the fact that his LAST pre-album teaser was so blatantly disco.

A retreat of past glories it is then, and I like it - but reservedly so. Without Me was wonderful, but it ran out of good ideas by the third verse and resorting to some less punchy putdowns and not-quite-as-witty bits at its end. If Just Lose It has a fault, it's that its lack of ideas solution is to repeat ad infinitum (not really) what should have been one-use gags. The boy/girl confusion is funny the first time, and drags the second and third. It's a good thing it's squelchy and catchy then.

Anyway, the MP3 I have purports to be the Dirty version but I can't bloody tell what's different about it. If you're feeling like investigating and probably coming up with nothing, download it and see if you can tell the difference. [MP3]

GWEN STEFANI - What You Waiting For?

2004-09-26T13:40:00.000+10:00

Oh my god, it's like my fantasy and I didn't even know it - Gwen does a song that sounds exactly like TRAVEL GIRL! Really! Psychedelic Europop done by Americans, really who would have thought it could work? Even the tick-tock opening owes something to mid-90s Euro-house. But this is so bouncy and unthinkingly daft Scooter would have just have sped it up - slightly - and been proud to call it their own.

People who don't like Gwen when she sings high are really going to hate this, but I don't think I've heard this many hooks crammed into such a small space in a while. Gwen's "uh-huh"s in the background are adorable, the chorus is unstoppable and the middle-eight bit is fantastic, just Gwen above the pulsing rhythm section of the music.

Just ignore the lyrics (except "Take a chance, you stupid ho!" - now, that's a really bad line, isn't it - the fact is that this song is SO CATCHY they still put it out as a single despite that line tells you all you need to know) they're rubbish, but when something sounds like this, it doesn't matter. Catchy doesn't even begin to describe it.

The only problem is going to be is if this is a monster hit - Europop is going to be pillaged for hits and done badly eventually.

Radio rip here.

On my stereo this week...

2004-09-24T13:44:00.000+10:00

MINNIE DRIVER - Everything I've Got In My Pocket

She can sing, and you'd know it if you saw Beautiful. As an actress, I don't really like her, but I found the idea of her doing an alt-country album intriguing - though my initial reaction was "Leave it to Neko, Minnie.". This, though, is more alt-torch-song territory, and it sounds nice. People who like Katie Melua will probably go nuts for this, anyway, but there's a bit more going on here, in fact, enough to make it almost worth anticipating. "Smoky" would not be a poor descriptor, though that may be an artefact of the low-quality file I've got. "I know you're sad but it won't last/I'm betting with everything I've got in my pocket" she coos, and it's surprisingly warming and comforting, particularly from someone whose presence in a movie is more than enough to make me want to not watch it. File under: Investigate further.

MANIC STREET PREACHERS - The Love Of Richard Nixon

I really did think this is an elaborate hoax. It's easy to think for one second that this is a different band to that which made Faster and Everything Must Go, even Born A Girl seems in another universe of quality compared to this. I feel a futuristic feel is intended with this one, punchier beat certainly, but it's hardly You Stole The Sun From My Heart, and the woozy synths over the chorus don't work. James Dean Bradfield doesn't even sound like James Dean Bradfield on half of these lines, and that's not even because he sounds incredibly bored (which he undoubtedly is). You've got a flat verse. Then a flat chorus. Then you do it again, then a bit of a break, then another chorus with different lyrics, and then a sample of Nixon talking. Oh god, I can't even begin to talk about how awful these lyrics are: "The love of Richard Nixon/Dies without assassination" is the chorus and that's one of the BETTER LINES. Give up now, you've got nothing to say, your political songs are worse than ever and worse, since they tend to be your big singles, it's hard to come to any conclusion other than that this is supposed to be CLEVER. It's not. It's not even a good song.

GERI HALLIWELL - Ride It

I really have nothing to say about this other than that it still sounds good, I just want someone to confirm that the chorus sounds very much like Cherry Lips by Garbage, because it really does and NOBODY SEEMS TO HEAR IT. Come on, put me out of my misery. Good song, though.

GREEN DAY - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

Does not the title make you think of Blondie's Island Of Lost Souls, which was the lead single off an album by a band that had held on one album too long? Similarity ends there, fortunately. What I like about this is that it captures that chugging feel the best songs on Nimrod had with the folksier, laid-back sound of Warning. And it does both of those without falling into the trap of being clunky and leaden like most bands who try to "rock" without descending into trying to be Bob Dylan at the other end of the scale. The quiet/loud dynamic mined to death in the 90s almost sounds fresh again on this, the best song on the American Idiot LP, and an obvious second single, right? Shredding their tenuous punk label in favour of surprisingly intelligent power-pop and, occasionally, pop, has done them wonders. I'll forgive the slightly lumpen outro, just this once, mind. [MP3]

The race for the worst single of the year is over.

2004-09-22T14:13:00.000+10:00

I have just heard Ronan Keating's version of I Hope You Dance. Obviously I knew this was going to be the worst single of the year just from knowing OF it, but now knowing what it sounds like, it could be challenging for the Worst Cover Version ever, and possibly Worst Record Ever Made.

This man sounds like a goat, why give him a pretty ballad to ruin like this? The world is an uglier, darker place with this song in it, especially given the fact that, at least in the UK, it will go top 10.

CROSS EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... the REMIX: FINLAND

2004-09-20T09:55:00.000+10:00

So, let me tell you how I know it's gonna be. Instead of me attempting to be insightful and/or funny about all these records, I have assembled a panel of people to do it for me. I send out MP3s and ballots of a country's top 10, asking for scores and comments. Then, I edit all the comments so it looks like the transcript of a witty conversation at a swank dinner party. Yes, a dinner party with Dragostea Din Tei on the stereo. What a great idea that is, I must make it happen. The scores are averaged, and because averaging tends to drag toward the middle, I adjust it slightly up or down - a record only needs to average 8.2 from the panel to receive a 10, and anything under a 1.5 average yields a zero. That said, any record that gets more than half of the panel giving it zero or ten gets that score automatically. If half the panel give it zero and the other half give it ten, then the world ends in a massive explosion. Okay then!

As is customary, we start with Finland. This is actually last week's Finnish chart, because I'm slow and people need time to, er, evaluate, do they not.

EO - This is, of course, me.
KG - Kate Gladman, representing for the G-Town Audreys. That's Geelong, suckaz.
JP - Jessica P, of Dirrrty Pop and Into The Groove fame, has actually watched Finnish Idol.
DR - David Raposa plays our panel's token bewildered American. And also writes Popshots.
DV - Diego Valladolid blogs in his native tongue but is awfully good in English too.
TE - Tom Ewing, Interweb entrepreneur.

Oh, and I edited this 1am on Tuesday because a) I stuffed up Daver's ballot, and b) I got some scores from Geoff aka Lockedintheattic (GD). No comments as he had no time... etc. etc.

1. O-ZONE - Dragostea Din Tei
(EO: 9. KG: 10. JP: 9. DR: 7. DV: 10. TE: 7. GD: 10 - Adjusted score: 10)
KG: A bounty of wailing castrati and their multi-lingual masters hit the disco for fun times. The kind of song that will freak me out well into the future.
DR: The intro's very reminiscent of Daft Punk. And the singer's reminiscent of Taco singing "Barbie Girl". I need a visual, though I fear it would involve lots of pastels and possibly blind me. I like imagining that they're singing, in the chorus, "she had a slutting day". Otherwise, it's got a good beat, and I can oompa loompa to it.
DV: Thing is, this could have not been a hit. This could have not been number 1 in a hundred countries. This could have, as it happens with so many low-budget east-europe pop product, ended before it began.Only now it seems as logical as "Waterloo" winning Eurovision.

2. ANASTACIA - Sick And Tired
(EO: 8. KG: 3. JP: 8, DR: 4. DV: 1. TE: 6. GD: 6. Adjusted score: 5)
TE: That's two Anastasia singles I've found myself grudgingly appreciating- real forward momentum on this one, the unstoppable force of mannish vocalising is frightening yet alluring.
JP: I'm not a particular Anastacia fan but occasionally she releases a song that I really love. I love the "ladiladi" backing vocals and the "your love isn't fair" bit.
DR: Totally innocuous. Not bad per se, but there's something missing. The Alanis "You Oughta Know" vibe I'm getting from this isn't helping. I think there's a reason she's Big (only) In Europe.
DV: I thought I hated Anastacia till I heard this song. Now I realize that I actually don't care one way or another about Anastacia. I don't really care about her music. I couldn't care less about her cancer either.

3. JANI WICKHOLM - Hukun
(EO: 4. KG: 4. JP: 3. DR: 2. DV: 6. TE: 2. GD: 0. Adjusted score: 3)
DV: Very polite Elton Johnesque piano ballad. Our Ed -as in Edward, as in Editor- disapproves of polite voting, but how can you give this song anything other than a 6?
DR: According to the CIA Factbook, Finland's terrain is typified by "mostly low, flat to rolling plains interspersed with lakes and low hills". Yeah, that makes sense.
JP: There can't be many Brits who can say they've seen an episode Finnish Idol but I'm proud to be one of them and I can clearly remember Jani, who reached the final two in the show. Sadly he wasn't particularly good-looking or good in general. This sounds just how I expected Jani's single to sound. It's very Idol and very boring.
KG: Sounding like Rod Stewart’s Have I Told You Lately but with a better chorus, this karaoke ballad outstays its welcome by about a minute. It should have been cropped to Eurovision regulation length, or at least sped up Anjeza-style. (that would be Anjeza Shahini, Albania's entrant in Istanbul 2004 - EO)
EO: There's a sparseness about this that's quite appealing, and the backing vocals are good, but it just isn't engaging to me.
TE: I like how they have turned the obviously catastrophic guitar solo right down in the mix. But I like nothing else.
DR: Music this lethargic & slow reminds me of the smell of burning teeth & having to make small talk with a cute dental hygenist about her husband's surprise birthday party. How the hell can a drummer even do that lame repeat-chorus-fill without going all GG Allin on everyone in the damn studio?

4. THE RASMUS - Guilty
(EO: 10. KG: 1. JP: 6. DR: 5. DV: 4. TE: 5. GD: 6. Adjusted score: 6)
DR: Hey, it's "rock" music! It really "rocks"! Even with the Linkin Park piano intro (because they mean it, maaaaan!), sounds like the pro-forma 3rd generation alt.rock that my land of origin got over sometime in 1997 (or did we? I don't even know anymore). Competent enough to escape being worthy of hate; merely mildly annoying. I shudder to think what'll happen when eeeeeemo gets a passport.
KG: Angry but annoying.
EO: The original version of this is fine and great, but the new version's robotic vocals in the verses annoy me. Still: "whoa-oh-oh-oh yeah-eah-eah!". About the sixth best song on Dead Letters, for what it's worth.
JP: I don't mind the Rasmus, and loved In The Shadows for tricking wannabe-goths into buying catchy pop. This one isn't as good but bearable. I suppose this will be no.1 soon or perhaps already has been, with them being Finland's current prize act.
DV: The basic unit of alternative-metal among participating European Union countries -except England, who keeps using Muse- is running out of great singles.
EO: I'm sorry. I really am. I really do like them, they push all of my obvious pop buttons as well as the crap rock buttons I don't tell people still work on me. Plus, I liked them before they became big outside of Europe, so this is just me being a smug bastard.
TE: I'm not actually sure which one this is. If it's more disco than in the shadows it gets 8, if it's less disco it gets 5. (5 it is then - EO)

5. CHRISTIAN FORSS - Unforgettable
(EO: 9. KG: 6. JP: 6. DR: 8. DV: 9. TE: 8. GD: 8. Adjusted score: 9)
KG: I know that this song would grow on me if I were the kind of person who enjoyed driving around Helsinki in my Smart Car, but since I am not, this song won’t be found clogging up my iTunes ever again. Despite being a song about a hot woman driving one wild and crazy, it comes across as all too sane. It features a lush chorus that disappointingly fades away into bleepy synth-guitar noises.
EO: I actually think this is quite good. Certainly it doesn't take the ballad cop-out route, the bass is pleasing, it's light and cruisy and the chorus is a thing of insidious hookiness. Would be better with some bigger beats though, but a pretty strong song. I would drive around Helsinki in my Smart Car! Except I can't drive. Ho hum.
TE: I can sympathise with Christian Forss' problems, I can still remember my old phone number better than my new one - curse you brain! This is a good ballad with twangling guitars in a sort of V-esque style. I'd like a bit more rhythmic snap on the chorus though. 8
DV: This song is trying to sound to many things at once -or am I reading too much into the choice of samples and chord changes? Good news is that it actually works.
DR: This high grade is based totally on the chorus - now that I'm paying attention to the verses, I get skittish about flashing such a score when the other judges will undoubtedly reach for the less flattering placards, but fuck a focus group junta.
JP: I like this one. It's rather boybandy. Christian, another Finnish Idol, isn't a very good singer and the over-expressed "remembER"s and "numbER"s are a bit annoying, but I love the bit where he frantically slips in a "c'mon!" Beautifully clichéd.

6. UNIKLUBI - Kylmaa
(EO: 7. KG: 7. JP: 2. DR: 6. DV: 7. TE: 5. GD: 6. Adjusted score: 6)
DV: As a single, it beats The Rasmus' current one. As an anthem, it's too near to "Dragostea Din Tei" in (chart) space and time for its vocal hook to be relevant.
TE: Uniklubi reminds me of fearsome Hungarian liquor UNICUM: minus one point. This is kind of the Finnish Busted, except a bit more sluggish - watch out though for when they 'unleash' their 'solo'! Suffers from the classic 00s pop-rock problem of a hot opening riff that leads to nothing happening in the song. I think Kylmaa is a sea-monster the lads have fallen in love with. 5
KG: Despite boasting several loathsome incidents of background-silence (where everyone except the singer stages a dramatic pause-for-effect mid-song), this number comes off as a fancy little piece of soft goth rock. Unuklubi don’t want to eat your hamster; they just want you to understand them.
DR: Nice "R" rrrrrrrrolling! And, hey, I think THIS is what happens when eeeeemo gets through customs! I take my previous snark back. Sounds like a group of fellows that likes their Superchunk uncomplicated and less tricky - that is, 2nd gen alt.rock. Chapel Hill reprazent in Helsinki!
EO: My predilection for soft goth-rock is of course widely known. I bought the HIM album. On import! IMPORT! This actually sounds a bit like a Finnish, gothic Bryan Adams. If you listen to it, you may understand what I mean. I like this song texturally, though the cut-out bits are a little bit too clever-clever. I can see myself waving a lighter to this one.
JP: Quite boring - not sure if this is a band or a singer. I can't understand a word, which isn't always a problem, but here it makes the song impossible to like.
EO: What the hell, there are worse things to emulate than 80s Bryan Adams.

7. SIMO SILMU - Vain Yksinainen
(EO: 0. KG: 0. JP: 2. DR: 7. DV: 2. TE: 6. GD: 0. Adjusted score: 2)
DR: No Le Big Mac jokes about "whoa whoa whoa" being the same in Finland as in other continents, but only because I'm not that funny. Nice low-key narcoleptic approach to the back-up vocals. Wish the singer had more of a falsetto.
DV: I like this in the sense that I would like music like this coming out of the radio for hours and hours, specially while being heavily hungover in a Sunday morning. Thing is, I wouldn't like to tape or download or, ha ha, buy!, this one in particular.
TE: Fantastic! Karaoke version of Roy Orbison sung by lonely Arctic Circle crooner - is that ice on his shaggy moustache or is it tears? All translated cover songs are good, this is a given. 6
EO: Appallingly authentic.
DR: Also, some crackle & static would've been nice. Also, if Roy Orbison was singing the original. But don't mind me.
KG: Earth-shakingly, unnecessarily vile. A hymn to mogadon.

8. YO - Rakkauden Vahvistama
(EO: 5. KG: 7. JP: 3. DR: 3. DV: 6. TE: 6. GD: 6Adjusted score: 5)
KG: A totally acceptable ocean full of shoulder-to-shoulder male power balladry, it stops just short of overusing the theremin.
EO: The problem here isn't the theremin - which is great, it's the guy's voice. It's not pleasant, is it? Shame, really, melodically this is quite strong, its somewhat trying ploddingness put aside for one moment.
TE: I missed this one somehow :( As it is by a band called "YO" I demand it gets at least 6.

9. ISMO ALANKO SAATIO - Rakkaus Hallitsee
(EO: 5. KG: 7. JP: 3. DR: 9. DV: 6. TE: 7. GD: 7 Adjusted score: 7)
TE: YES! This is the kind of thing I can imagine the lusty yet stoic men of the north throwing down tankards too. When I went to Finland we saw a local grunge band on their way to the gig - one of them had ONE ARM! The riff on this is unusual. Just what I wanted from the Finnish
charts, this. Now take it from me and never let me hear it again.
JP: Oh no! Someone turn it off! This is horrible, I can't listen to it anymore. It may well turn into a fantastic pop song halfway through, but I'd rather not risk it.
DV: This is disgraceful. The first 30 seconds or so are actually brilliant, and I was expecting a King Crimson gone anthemic goth-pop. Whch it is, but in a "Fly Or Die", pretentious, too knowing, failed way.
EO: Actually no worse than any ghastly US rock band. It's a deeply unpleasant riff though. It sounds like someone dying and not in a good way.
DR: Neat! Nick the intro to "Here Comes Your Man", and then go gonzo. Being in a foreign language is definitely a plus for this track. This is the sort of stuff The Rasmus & their ilk bit in order to get to mediocre. Whatever's making that strange squelched whining sound, I'll take two.
EO: I think that squelching whine is the sound of people's souls being crushed to oblivion.

10. GIMMEL - Pisaroita Ja Kyyneleita
(EO: 9. KG: 4. JP: 8. DR: 7. DV: 8. TE: 7. Adjusted score: 8)
DR: Oh my god is this a European Shakira making like Michelle Branch? The concept has my head spinning to the point that I can't focus on anything else? Is the concept of a European Shakira an oxymoron? Why would I even think it'd be an oxymoron? Can I even end a non-question remark with a question mark without looking stupid? I think I can? Are her breasts as big as mountains? Wait, there's THREE of them?
KG: The best part of this is the end, which sounds like an abrupt power-failure. The rest is an example of all that is wrong with girly three-pieces; you usually get an averaging-out of the best qualities of each, with a bland result. Still, it’s better than Sick and Tired and hence gets 4.
TE: Guitars aloft on this heartfelt pop-rocker, great chorus, uses the cowardly trick of dropping out everything except the click-track
instead of writing a proper bridge. Not very redolent of Finland's
rolling tundras but you can't have everything. 7
EO: Simply delightful. Gimmel continue to mine the ripe terrain between power-pop and 80s girl bands. Belinda Carlisle would approve and so should you. Also, the chorus is properly rocking.

JP: Finally, a Finnish song that's good! This is catchy and pretty ace. I had expected Gimmel to be male, yet it's definitely a girl or a female-fronted band.
EO: As I have written elsewhere, they were formed on the Finnish equivalent of Popstars. Manufactured pop-rock, who'd have thunk it? Finland's charts seem even more saturated with reality TV show winners than the UK, and the artists seem to have a bit of sticking power.

Which makes the local winner of Finland's chart Christian Forss, averaging a healthy 7.6. Finnish readers may be appalled but the panel was near-unanimous, rating it nearly as highly as Moldova's finest - it goes a little something like this: [MP3]

The final score for Finland is 60, but I'm actually still waiting on one more ballot, so we will confirm that later.

Next next next week we will be jumping ahead and doing France, well, because. Next week I would like to have a much larger panel, so if you think this looks like a laugh and you have a gmail account, email me NOW at edwardok AT gmail.com and you
will be loved forever. And sent songs to appraise.

DURAN DURAN - Want You More

2004-09-17T22:33:00.000+10:00

This must be what it's like to come full circle, I think. Back in the early 80s, I was barely old enough to know half the words in the songs I heard on the radio, but I played Duran Duran's Wild Boys 45 to death, largely because of the live version of Cracks In The Pavement on the flip, which I loved to death. My indie years predicted more than ten years before they occurred.

Still, having never listened to those old albums, their crash down to earth, popularity-wise, never bothered me. Notorious is as good a single as Ordinary World. By the time I'd realised that Out Of My Mind was in fact quite brilliant, the fact that they were marginalised didn't bother me. I didn't like popular music ANYWAY.

Today I love popular music. Today Duran Duran are making music that sounds like it fits. Want You More is sexy. Well its components are, especially the bass. And Simon Le Bon's lusty vocals in the chorus are terrific - it may be his best pop vocal performance since, ooh... Wild Boys. But really, it's all about the sexy crushing dynamics. Even the keyboard riff at the beginning takes you back to the Rio album, and the chorus is as loud and bold as anything off their debut. Sounds like a big single to me, but then again the worst song on their new album is the first single, so there goes that...

[MP3]

GIRLS ALOUD - Androgynous Girls (or, let's never fight again, Brian Higgins!)

2004-09-17T13:07:00.000+10:00

Okay, now THIS is much more like it. Tucked away on the flip of the Love Machine CD is this rather fetching number, in which the musical template of Jump (For My Love) is toned down a little, given a different melody on top of it with lots of delightful lyrical non-sequiturs and bits that remind me of LOTS AND LOTS of other songs. It appropriately doesn't sound that far away from Garbage's Androgyny - the bass is a close cousin but a lot faster. There also must be some cross-pollenisation of ideas with that arm of Xenomania that's responsible for Mania.

Not immediate enough to be a single, certainly. If this is indeed their INDIE PHASE, then putting out a single with a superior B-side is appropriate. Rockists have been known to express an appreciation for the Aloud, so this is what's called covering your bases, a tactic which works best when coupled with a genuinely good song. The longing vocals in the pre-chorus - "Angels dressed in leather!" indeed - are probably the highlight, but the chorus belongs to the same girl-gang lineage of No Good Advice. Needs a swaying keyboard line, though.

I won't put this up for download because it's already purchasable. (If you're outside the UK and want to hear it, leave a comment) But for the record, while walking home from work last night, the verses of Love Machine were running through my head. Still don't like the chorus much, but it is growing on me. Very slowly. So, can you forgive me, Brian? I doubt you no more.

DANNII MINOGUE - You Won't Forget About Me

2004-09-16T10:31:00.000+10:00

How on earth did it happen? How is it possible that it's Dannii Minogue not Kylie whose new stuff I anticipate more? Her opus Neon Nights only came out last year so it's not as if it's been a long wait (there were six years between Girl and Neon Nights). I guess I love the way Dannii is more insecure, the way she's unashamedly club-happy and probably takes more risks. I think I hear more of her personality than I do in Kylie's recent hits. Always with a tenuous grip on record deals, never (up until now) having a captive commercial audience for her next release, Dannii knows that first singles have to be events and that a Slow just won't do.

So her copping popular instrumental track Flower Power and writing some lyrics over it doesn't seem like laziness (I'm looking at you here, George Michael), it sounds like someone engaging with the scene they're in. And the song that's been placed over it is a good one, certainly this would not have stuck out on the consistently excellent Neon Nights.

Dannii just sounds comfortable over the sweet strings and the choppy guitar bits and I like how she manages to sound achingly vulnerable about it all despite the song being an assertion that YOU won't forget about HER. She sounds like she's finally found her comfortable niche, an identity separate from her sister at last, and (this is sad) this makes me happy on a personal level. Certainly if she keeps coming up with great pop singles like this, it'll be a win for everyone. Certainly, this sounds like a winner in a club, and she's not made the mistake of pressing The Big Pink Button too hard. Her first Number One, perhaps?

[MP3]

BRITNEY SPEARS - My Prerogative

2004-09-14T13:39:00.000+10:00

Dear Bloodshy and Avant,

Farting bass noises are so out k thx bye.

Love,
Edward O.

Seriously though, this is underwhelming. I quite liked Britter's ill-advised but gawky and cute strut through Satisfaction but her covers are generally atrocious. This one isn't really atrocious, but Bobby Brown is not the sort of artist worth covering in your sexy robot voice. Nothing really fits or clicks, she doesn't bring that much of an interesting perspective to the song (you'd think Britney, of all people, would be able to declare that she can do what she wants with a more convincing statement than this, wouldn't you), it's not sonically that interesting and EVEN THOUGH it will help little people all around the world to spell and speak the word "prerogative" correctly (it has, over the years, morphed into "PER-og-a-tive" to my chagrin) this is indulgent and boring.

You might, I suppose, be able to find this at wobforums.com - I wouldn't post it because that would be taking credit for the person who found and uploaded it there.

In which Edward talks about Annie Annie Annie! (specifically, Me Plus One)

2004-09-13T07:20:00.000+10:00

She's from Norway, if you didn't know. Chewing Gum is out in the UK today. She has shown a complete disregard for the rule that says naming your album after a rubbish pun is a bad idea, and called her album Anniemal.

Anniemal is great great great. Anniemal takes up where 80s club-kid Madonna left off with Everybody, which is sampled on the now-infamous The Greatest Hit - many of these songs sound like what Madonna might have done next if Burning Up hadn't fallen into her lap. Best of all of these is Me Plus One, a more joyous 80s sway-a-long hasn't come along in years.

Is that gorgeous noise a stylophone? Is "me plus one" a reference to threesomes, or to Haircut 100? Is the bit where Annie spells out BEAUTIFUL and DIFFICULT the best spelling in a song ever? (Actually, yes on that one). What can be stated with certainty is that this is Annie at her most dance, if you can call her soft but immaculate delivery and the subdued, melancholy disco by such a simple label without doing it a gross injustice.

"Feeling good! I'm top of the pops!" she proclaims, and a lesser, less focused performer would have beamed at how clever she is, but it's but a winsome, high-pitched, girlish beam, and stacked within a stack of great lines delivered with adorable panache, you might not even notice it: "If there ever was a girl who could rock your world then that girl sure is me" she boasts, but at no point on Anniemal does she threaten to rock in the regular sense of the word.

Anniemal is a vibrant, yet intimate record and this is its awkwardly - but lovably so - celebratory heart. [MP3]

UPDATE! Fluxblog is posting this now. So here's another song - Helpless For Love. Any excuse to post another one, eh?

2004-09-13T07:09:00.000+10:00

Also, just because it's been a while, and I know there are fans out there of their previous single, here's X-Ray vs Cortez's delightfully dippy Murder (Boom Boom), yet another high watermark for bad Euro-rappers (mis)appropriating US gangsta slang, including one truly awful, yet unbelievably inspired use of "ding-a-ling" which has to be heard to believed. [MP3]

Not that I was non-existent.. during the first two weeks of September, I was bored by the Soulwax album, repulsed by the UK Top 40 countdown and buoyed in spirit, as ever, by pop. Reviewing The Tension and The Spark this week.

2004-08-26T12:02:00.000+10:00

No, I'm not back yet. I'm flying down to Sydney for two days before making my way back to Canberra, at which point normal posts will resume.

That said. A lovely person called Geoff (who'll be on my CECCOD panel, not too late to get on it!) sent me the Lena PH album and I have been loving it a lot. If you like umlauts and Swedish disco, I recommend it. Ironically, there are no umlauts in the title of this one. Lena Philipsson - Det Nya Europa

Also, another CECCOD panelist, Andries, made me ridiculously happy by sending me a new Natalia single. Who needs p2p applications? Anyway, this is a great big soulful disco number, with the emphasis squarely on disco. Rather fittingly for someone who was on Belgian Idol, this sounds like a great big crowd-pleaser perfect for a future such contestant. Natalia - Risin'

Lastly, I've buried the hatchet with the label who shall not be named, after pleasant, cordial, productive discussion with another person at the label. Hooray for that, then. TO CLEAR UP: There is NO ILL WILL on my part toward that label whose name starts with F.

2004-08-18T04:30:00.000+10:00

Right. I'm going up to Brisbane for about two weeks, so updates will do a very good impression of ceasing, though I'll probably change the Mp3s at least once before I get back. (Also: Why do my major upturns in hits - one happening right now - always coincide with me going away? And why didn't I think to get someone to fill in for me? Tch. Stupidity, eh?)

Before I go, though, I want to say how much I am loving the The Go! Team album, Thunder Lightning Strike, so big thanks to the ever delightful Alex in Doncaster who sold me on it. To be fair, I didn't take very much convincing. Here is the first track off it. It comes out on September 13. Hooray for that.

The Go! Team - Panther Dash

Keeping my OWN backyard in order.

2004-08-16T06:00:00.000+10:00

Right, so I keep passing judgment on the tastes of other countries, os what about my own? Despite my rampant Europhilia and Polish ancestry, I actually live in the pop wasteland that is Australia, where all our decent pop stars have to fly to Europe just to get a decent song or else have to face working with The Rockmelons. Just don't ask, people.

Anyway, the Australian charts can be seen here. Not only are they usually several months behind other charts, they're normally very slow, with climbers and slow fallers like in the US leading one chart to be very much the same as the previous week's, but lately, there've been more high debuts and volatile movements. Particularly with all the hyped people. A review, then.

And #1 this week is Cosima Devito, third placed on Australian Idol. I think Cosima is great. However, When The War Is Over is an absolutely atrocious song for her to be covering (3). She's also been working with Dianne Warren. No. How fitting that she should be ahead of another Idol finalist - Paulini, who I liked even more than Cosima and whose Angel Eyes is an even worse song (2). Ugh. Missy Higgins' Scar at #3 is quite endearing, but her rise to chart glory is just as calculated as the people above her this week. I'll give her a free pass because I like the jaunty piano (8).

More new entries - we might yet become as exciting as the UK... Seether featuring Amy Lee at #4 (5)- now while I still maintain that the Evanescence album is very good, this isn't, and oh dear god. Sweet Jesus. Say it isn't so... it is... SLINKEE MINX at #5...

Annemarie Failla, Michelle Palmer and Belinda Tartaglia are the talented trio who make up Slinkee Minx. Naturally drawn together firstly by friendship and then by a shared interest in music, their passion for singing and songwriting remains unquestionable. "Our love of writing lyrics, melodies and performing is what drives us, inspires us and makes us feel alive," says Michelle.

And what better way of demonstrating their love of songwriting than by charging into the charts with a cover of Belinda Carlisle's Summer Rain (0)? Apart, of course, from EVERY OTHER POSSIBLE THING THEY COULD HAVE DONE? Oh no. Summer Rain is forever entrenched as one of my favourite pop songs from the late-80s, early-90s. Even before I understood the narrative that chorus thrilled me, the strings tugged at my heartstrings and it made me gooey. Thus a vapid dance cover - not a good idea. It's stripped of every knowing vocal nuance that Belinda, a seasoned performer who knew who how to extract maximum effect from a song and who had an underrated repertoire of mood from which to draw these, and it makes me angry on a level heretofore reserved for Westlife. And I always thought, in general, that I was in favour of tacky dance covers. But this, this is an alien reproduction, missing the core of humanity and beauty at the heart of a simple pop song despite having the same basic melody and lyrics. At least DJ Sammy brought warmth to cold trance-pop cover confections, this has a nothingness deep in its core that is deeply unlikeable.

After even that, D-12's How Come is a welcome respite, though in nearly all other contexts it's unlistenable, the group having put themselves on the map in their own right outside the orbit of their brightest star, and of course have no need to even bother being interesting any more (3). Some relief is had with strong follow-up singles from Anastacia (Sick And Tired, 8) and Avril Lavigne (My Happy Ending, 8 even though Avril is releasing all the wrong songs as singles she's still doing nicely).

The freakishly successful chart run of that awful dance mix of awful Starsailor's Four To The Floor(2) finally stops this week, dropping from 5 to 9 - and at one point the only good thing I could say about the Australian charts was "At least STARSAILOR have never been in the top 10, let alone the top 40 before". And, bookending the chart with another good singer with a bad song is Fantasia (4).

As an interesting note, Jamelia and The Streets are #42 and #43 this week, a neat case of adjacent charting songs bearing a common writing credit.

Though I'm not going to do this regularly, it's interesting to note a pretty poor total of 43. And it's like this every week.... those perplexed by my Europhilia should have some idea where it comes from now.

ALCAZAR - Physical

2004-08-15T19:55:00.000+10:00

Hooray for arch Swedish pop types who know how to recontextualise a sample. Here, Londonbeat's I've Been Thinking About You is looped and placed not, as is the standard, under a similar song, but a genuinely up-tempo disco piece.

The fact that the sample has proved to be so versatile goes some way toward explaining why, even though Londonbeat had other hits, they're remembered for this one. I think, thanks to Swedish pop smarts, I'll actually remember them fondly now.

If anything, the verses are actually stronger than the choruses here, with delirious harmonised aahs providing the main hooks, but the overall effect is good enough to cause regret that the sample couldn't be cleared in time for it to appear on the international release of Alcazarized, though it features on a new local release for them. [MP3]

Edward O vs The Mp3 Promotion Revolution

2004-08-13T14:19:00.000+10:00

(NOTE: Due to recent developments, this post has been retrospectively censored to protect the identities of those involved to stop it coming up in search engines for the label involved)

Right. This will be a rare non-musical post. More a rant. There is another, shorter, MP3-containing post below this one that you might be in danger of not seeing if you are put off by this long one posted immediately after it.

Last month, The Mae Shi did something quite audacious and interesting. They basically bulk-mailed a whole lot of bloggers and plugged their album. They even sent me a copy of their noise-pop optus (My verdict: In places, it's actually quite good for that type of thing, which is admittedly not really my bag). Quite lovely of them really, and it's been interesting to see the coverage they've been getting for a record that otherwise would have flown under a lot of people's radar.

I had thought this would be a one-off, but lately I've been getting emails from people at small independent labels. They're interesting, but since I don't really write about the sort of music that gets plugged, I'd rather it remains an occasional note of interest rather than a regular occurrence.

Perhaps I overstepped the mark when it came to this one though:

Hi My name Is ***** ***** and I help run F****** Records out of **********, ******. F******* Records is a small, independent record label interested in promoting genre-defying songwriting such as taut post-punk, woozy folk, and damaged pop from the bedroom, basement and beyond. I've heard a lot of good things about your site, and I wanted to ask whether you could put up some links to some of our free mp3 downloads on your site. I think what you're doing is exactly what indie rock needs. Anyways, here are the links:

(LINKS removed - if you do want to see the links, drop a comment and I'll post them)

Thanks a lot and I'll continue to stay in touch with your site--

*****

oh, and if you're interested, we could surely give you more information about the above artists and their releases....all of it is available at ***********.com. Thanks

I suppose I was in a cranky mood at the time, but there was something about this email that really rubbed me the wrong way. I sort of resented the fact that my email address was clearly on some kind of list, and that this person had the temerity to send out a bulk email to all these people BUT felt the need to put sort of personal comments in. "I'll continue to stay in touch with your site" indeed. I mean, what the fuck? This guy's never even read me before, doesn't know who I am at all, and I got a little pissed off at receiving an email claiming the opposite. I don't hate all indie rock, but there are plenty of other people writing about it, I like to think that I share this pop-blog niche with a smaller but just as passionate group of people.

So, yes, I was in a bad mood, so I decided to respond. Possibly I was being a fuckhead, but anyway, I wrote this:

Hi.

I have no idea where you got my address from - some list of bloggers going around independent labels perhaps? - because nobody who knows anything about me or my site would seriously consider sending me stuff to do with "taut post-punk, woozy folk, and damaged pop from the bedroom, basement and beyond" because I don't write about that stuff and have no intention of starting. I also don't really like indie rock very much.

While I wish you and your label the best with your latest marketing
endeavour, I would prefer if you left my address out of it in the
future. Further, I suggest that a more personalised approach might
yield better results than sending the same email to everyone.

Edward O.

Yeah, I'm an arsehole, but the point still stands. We bloggers are not a uniform mass. We are individuals and have vastly different opinions. If you think our opinion (and our LINKS!) is worthwhile, then the least courtesy that could be expected is that you address them personally. I write about stuff that I come across, not stuff that's just been sent to everyone because selection and scope differentiate bloggers just as much as writing style and taste. This guy hasn't engaged with me, he doesn't care about my opinion as an individual, only as part of some perceived collective.

I've got my niche and I've got my small but lovely group of readers who come here for the stuff I've chosen to restrict myself to. And if I want to keep doing that, it's my prerogative.

Am I wrong? Am I so unkind? Clearly. Here was the response. I know posting it is shallow but since I'm obviously some kind of major label shill I'm allowed to be, y'now?

Fuck you, dude. I got your address from your site. How the hell else are we to explain what we're doing at F******? That's just our jingle...if you don't like, then why not donate some money to our feeble marketing staff....wait, we dont have one. So we're trying our best. And why don't you listen to the tracks first, huh? They shoudl speak for themselves. Anyways, Im glad you got your rocks off writing me that stupid email. It'd be one thing if I worked for Sony or EMI, but I dont. Thanks for not helping--

The insulting implication is that because he's on a small independent label that his practice is more ethical than if he had been at Sony or EMI. For what it's worth, I'd be just as happy to tell Sony or EMI to go fuck themselves if they were bulk emailing with a pointless charade of personal communication.

If what ***** is doing here is so fine, WHY THE NEED TO PRETEND that he cares for individual opinions, reference in the second person singular and all. He's just after links and hits from the blogging community - which I think is fine, but the pretense annoyed me.

Anyway, the reason I posted this is not to poke fun at poor Brian, doing a largely thankless task to promote music he believes in (we can all relate to that, can't we?), doubtlessly people like him are vital - but I'd like some kind of feedback. Am I unreasonable? Is it awful for me to say I want OUT of this nascent revolution? Did I overstep the mark? Do people on here WANT me to cover this sort of thing? Anything.

As a postscript, I note that as per the first email, I actually AM doing exactly what indie rock needs by not writing about it. The last thing indie rock needs is me spitting out poorly-written verbiage about the stuff.

2004-08-13T13:52:00.000+10:00

I feel a teensy bit deflated after that Girls Aloud post, you know. But since every man and his musical stoat is trying to get it off me on Soulseek, here is Mania - Money In My Pocket. Loving it more and more with every listen.

GIRLS ALOUD - Love Machine

2004-08-12T13:49:00.000+10:00

And all that I knew... the hole in my shoe was letting in water. This must be the first crack in my poptimist facade because despite the fact that this is GIRLS ALOUD, who put out one of the finest pop cum dance albums ever as their debut and who, by any reasonable yardstick, several of the most astonishingly weird but nonetheless zeitgeist-consistent singles ever, it sounds like a ball drop.

The charming portmanteau structure of The Show was a banker - two different choruses and only one verse - but while a similar trick is employed here - the second verse is clearly not the same melody as the first - I don't get it. I really suspect I'm slagging it off just so I can be revealed to be completely wrong a few months down the track (though I would prefer HOURS), but no, I've got some conviction behind this. Poptimism isn't, as a lot of people, both cheekily and ignorantly assume, an inherent chart-loving, agit-popaganda. I can giggle a bit at the arch, nearly wholesale borrowing of the hook from Hole In My Shoe for the first verse, and appreciate the swinging 60s girl group moments in the second verse and the brief section at the end shows it's not incompetent (indeed, the strut is fantastic and GA themselves hit the appropriate pop buttons) but misdirected - the chorus sounds like a hookless mess - oh they go up at the end of each line, how very. I don't normally disagree with Popjustice, who said "give it a few listens", but this reveals its treasures quickly, it doesn't wrong-foot you like the amazing No Good Advice did by metamorphosing into something else during the course of its four minutes while still being recognisably the same song. The genre hopping of Girls Aloud is a credit to their producers and the rollicking guitary sound of this is definitely suited to their vocals and their bowerbird aesthetic. This just doesn't sound like the strongest song that could have been applied to the doubtlessly focus-grouped template that was chosen. Love Xenomania as I do, I don't think for a moment that Higgins and Co. are above such machinations.

So why isn't it doing it for me? I've spent probably three hours of my life listening to it - Girls Aloud singles are EVENTS to the poptimists on par with all of your Pitchfork-covered indie zeroes - and things aren't falling into place or making sense. The Girls Aloud brand is resilient enough to survive this, but it's only a comparatively weak brace of singles in its release that'll see this keeping their run of Top 3s going, if indeed it does.

Is not the fact that this is their second single in a row to mention attire prominently in its lyrics a giveaway? The yielding of sass to sex is ominous and deeply upsetting.

Another run-through of new and sort of new singles I have been listening to....

2004-08-11T01:41:00.000+10:00

Mania - Money In My Pocket
It's probably worth noting that if the flip-of-the-flop If You Need A Good Girl had been Mania's first A-side, they would probably have done quite a bit better than Number 29. I have a feeling this second single isn't hugely likely to change their fortunes, although on first listens it packs more of a punch than Looking For A Place and, having as it does a kind of sassy chantalong chorus is probably more in keeping with the idea of what a Xenomania-associated group called Mania are supposed to do with. The best bit is the quick-step of the prechorus, the fluttering melody of the chorus is almost an afterthought, really, though the little string flourishes following it are kind of neat.

Whigfield - Was A Time
She's back! With her best single since Gimme Gimme too! That acoustic guitar and that beat - it's utterly infectious, the lot of it. The melody stops only for Whiggy to do a slightly sinister (by her standards, remember that it's Whigfield we're talking about here) spoken word bit, and when the second chorus comes, it's lighter and higher. Actually, it's a good deal more sophisticated than anything she's ever done - you certainly couldn't make the claim that the first 30 seconds is the same as the rest of the song as an uncharitable person could have claimed about Saturday Night or Sexy Eyes. The galloping rhythm reminds me of Farolfi's Subtravel a bit too. [MP3]

Vanessa Carlton - White Houses
Well this isn't the GOTH POP EXTRAVAGANZA Vanessa apparently was threatening to put out, is it? Vanessa has a way with a tune, but just because her first album being a sequence of diminishing returns after the stunning A Thousand Miles, doesn't mean the right thing to do was confine the song's attention grabbing bit to three syllables in what passes for the first chorus - blink and you'll miss it - while miring the verses in fluttering but aimless melodic lines.

The first time, it's just frustrating. When it's expanded the second time, the song momentarily soars and almost becomes perfect and beautiful, but the slower duller bits take up the majority of the running time which makes it incredibly annoying - does she really think this is the way to go, obfuscating her natural gifts for immediate hooks in an attempt to seem deeper? Or is she just unaware. Either way this isn't the right direction at all, Vanessa. It sounds unfinished and unpolished, even unconsciously self-sabotaged.

Annie - Chewing Gum
Seemingly it's been around for a while, it's relatively gettable as an MP3 now. For a song called Chewing Gum, it's appropriate that it's got a stretchy, bouncy elastic groove, but the real reason to learn to love this is Annie's bored cheerleader delivery in the verses - "I'm gonna tell you how it's done!", the helium (in weight, not pitch, people) chorus and the way she manages to extend the already rather extended metaphor all the way into a middle-eight on charisma alone.

Delgados - Everybody Come Down
Personal reasons, you know, I'm not turning indie, I promise. When the D's last album, Hate, came out, I was really unhappy and things weren't going right. I bought Hate and things started getting better. And now, just as their new album is about to come out, I've had two remarkably lucky things happen within an hour of it leaking. Coincidence? Yes? Oh well. What I really love about this is while as far as the songwriting goes this song isn't a progression, the arrangements and productions sound cognizant of a lot of broader trends in chart pop over the last two years rather than aspiring to lush instrumentation and grandeur (although it must be said that that approach certainly was a banker for Belle and Sebastian). This is a sing-a-long, no doubt, each melody being easily remembered and reproduced by the time it pops up for the second time when you listen to it, and that's the mark of a good pop song. Moreover, the way the final part of the song sounds like a second chorus a la Max Martin, accompanied by some descending (appropriately) backing vocals going "down down down", and Emma Pollock delivers the hooks perfectly. I would put an Mp3 up, but these guys are too speical and I think everyone should buy it, particularly if you're in the UK so they can get in the top 40 just once. Please?

Incidentally, my FTP server is being a bastard at the moment and won't let me delete files, so I wasn't able to delete the last one to expire, even though I've since uploaded another - as such, downloading may be unpredictable. Hopefully nobody will notice and the problem will go away by itself.

DARREN HAYES - Darkness

2004-08-08T06:01:00.000+10:00

Darren's new album - which sounds like it's been influenced by Mirwais, early Depeche Mode and Tears For Fears - is his Ray Of Light, and this opener is his Nothing Really Matters - if NRM were a standout track, that is.

Thematically, it's the first appearance of a recurring theme the album has of hating oneself, or at least parts of it - "The monster you are running from is the monster in you" may be delivered to a second person, but a listen to the context of the whole album suggests it's at least an abstract if not self-directed statement.

A gloomy synth motif underpins the song, sounding woozy and out-of-place mixed with another synth bit which is a bit bouncier. The lyrics fit the former, and the first three minutes, which are completely ignorant of ideas like choruses and verses, have a sublime payoff when Darren sings "It's better to hold onto love - change will come" over a pensive but optimistic spacey keyboard passage and then the song reverts back to what it sounded like immediately - downbeat and muddled and everything. Everything's as hopeless as it was and nothing has changed - Darren continuing to sing about being "covered in darkness" but there's never any suggestion of something having fundamentally altered him - it's all a bit nihilistic - nothing really matters, not even love for these five minutes. And who knew Darren did downcast and bruised so well? Even the big Savage Garden hit along these lines - To The Moon and Back - put the doubt in a third person story.

The fading close with just the spacey washes is a classic end-of-album trick, and one could be forgiven for thinking its appearance after track 1 means "Well, no more of that gloom then!" but there is plenty more where that came from and not a note of redemption resolution is to be heard. [MP3]

TINA COUSINS - Hymn

2004-08-07T03:38:00.000+10:00

How much of our tastes is blindly influenced by what's come before? Both what we have listened to, and what we wish we'd been listening to after the fact? On the basis of this, I think quite a lot. Tina Cousins' 90s dance hits came at a point in my life where I was beginning to come out of my indie torpor and listen to pop again.

Hymn thus makes me feel 17 again, but also, I can hear in this Clubstar Remix a lot of mid 90s trance and cheesy dance. If I'd been 5 years older I probably would have got into Ultrasonic, but I didn't. My generation got Aqua instead, fair trade-off. Anyway, I like the appropriation of the Lord's Prayer, the nods to happy hardcore in the manic middle eight and the crushing, insidious beat. It's comforting. [MP3]

Songs I've been listening to today...

2004-08-04T17:25:00.000+10:00

FATBOY SLIM - Slash Dot Dash
Listening to this I am reminded of an episode of, I think, King Of The Hill where one character was extolling the virtues of Internet porn sites. "www dot dot com - naked chicks on there!". "/./-./.com" go the lyrics, mangled Internet talk. Ooh, aren't the people who don't know about the Internet funny? Oh, isn't this choppy guitar sample arch and clever? Isn't putting the two together a really good idea? Frankly, no. Big beat may be dead, but that's no reason to defile the corpse. I align myself squarely with people who think that this must be some kind of joke, and I very much hope that in about two weeks I'll be posting some kind of retraction to the effect of there being a REAL song that sounds completely different and that I fell for some kind of Internet fake, just like everyone else!

KORN - Word Up
I love Word Up. Cameo. Yeah. I even loved the Scary Spice cover (No, stop it hataz, it's great). I even thought Taxiride managed to make a decent fist of it. Simply put, it's unfuckupable, and Korn's version isn't bad. It's my favourite single of theirs since Got The Life anyway and I only wish I had a better quality MP3 of it. Think of whichever you preferred out of Fear Factory's Cars and Orgy's Blue Monday and it's a bit like that, but slightly better. If nothing else, Word Up has been proved to be a bit more durable than you'd expect, even without the stark bass and R&B beats of the original, it's survived its rock makeover quite well, and there's no reason why you wouldn't like this if you enjoy the original. The mileage of Korn fans may vary.

EMBRACE - Gravity
Sorry Nick, I tried to love it. I was willing to put the Chris Martin associations to one side - which I did with The Streets and was rewarded, and with Jamelia and was not - but, dear me, this is really a plodder of the highest order - and I used to quite like Embrace. You know what it reminds me of? I Want Love by Elton John. A bit, anyway, stuck between big stadium filling ballad and introspective MOR toe-tapper, with the virtues of neither. Even the chugging guitar before the last chorus is daunted by that maudlin, smug piano line (even though it's at a lower volume it still dominates) that would have people who buy Keane albums saying "Ah, now that's a good song.". Rather disappointed.

VENKE KNUTSON - Is It How It Is?
I've been enjoying Venke's album for about a week, and the single Scared for considerably longer than that. I think, in Venke, I've found what I didn't realise I was looking for, an amalgalm of the sweeping pop smarts of Michelle Branch with the more despairing folky pop of rather unsung American singer Patti Rothberg. Particularly on this track, which announces itself with a whooshing noise and a nimble guitar line, Venke's bruised vocals in the verses being joined by sweeter ones in the background of the chorus, which is agreeable and hooky. It's a nice bit of pop theatre which sounds utterly unresolved by its conclusion, just as uncertain at its end - an echoey "where you go" fading out - as when Venke askes the titular question over and over. [MP3]

SOULWAX - Miserable Girl

2004-08-02T15:44:00.000+10:00

While I am obviously dedicated to the cause of trimming the fat off popular music and only listening to the good bits, someone really needs to do the same to the indiesphere. Of course, putting Soulwax in the indiesphere is a bit of a stupid thing to do because before they worked with (yawn) LCD Soundsystem and did lots of bootlegs, they were basically as unhip as you could get - a Belgian rock band with pop smarts.

This, then, is the highlight of their rather disappointing third album, which seems to have almost bloody-mindedly regressed almost to the style of their first album with its blunt guitar assault, with only a few tips of the hat to electronica - which in my opinion and probably nobody else's is at least marginally preferable to them actually sounding anythng like a DFA production.

The reason why Miserable Girl succeeds where the rest of the album mostly patters along amiably but unremarkably is that it's actually matched the aforementioned blunt guitars with a suitably searing set of hooks and rather than just being a one-note attack, it boasts a bit of rhythmic progression and movement. A noisy buzzing sound dominates the break into the chorus, making the duel re-entrances of the guitar riff in the chorus and Stephen Dewaele's vocals a bit more punchy. It also helps, I suppose, that it's probably their catchiest chorus to date and the line "You're such a Catholic girl/Trapped in a guilty body" is probably their most memorable. It actually fulfils their suggested but actually unstated promise of putting out genuinely danceable rock/pop music.

Not to say there's nothing else of value on Any Minute Now, it's just that if you were to summarise it to one track, it would be this, and in a world of MP3 blogs, iPods and mix CDs, it's not as if you don't need someone else to summarise for you. [MP3]

JACQUES HOUDEK - Neka Bude Zauvijek

2004-07-30T20:30:00.000+10:00

I actually raved a bit about Sve Bih Dao Da Sam Njen previously, but after a discussion with Riv@nvx, whose name I have spelled correctly this time, I have decided that this song is vastly superior. What this strikes me as being is the successful collision of clubby dance and souldufl R&B that Daniel Bedingfield has been striving for, particularly on the abysmal Friday.

There are elements of trance in here, but trance has never been this urgent and panicked. Jacques is delivering a club anthem seemingly on the verge of a nervous breakdown here, and he's having it over a multiplicity of himself harmonising high notes. The frenzy reaches a peak in the chorus where a long note - bereft of treatment, rushes headlong into the heavily harmonised and processed chorus. There's something about the vocal performance that sounds flown in from a completely different song... a completely different genre, which I think makes this sound unique. You'd assume this was a dancefloor-ready remix, but it's the original version. My burgeoning love affair with Croatian pop is perhaps best understood in the context of creative, enjoyable records like this one. [MP3]

THE CROSS EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! HUNGARY

2004-07-30T02:59:00.005+10:00

This feels like it's been YEARS in the making. I've been waiting to get all of them, and by the time I'd gotten one, it was out of the 10, so slow was I and so unhelpful were p2p networks. Repeats: The Corrs (6), Anastacia (10).

1. HOOLIGANS - Játszom. And top of the pops for this season's finale... a boring folk song with a nice changing movement into the chorus which has a nice descending riff/string combo. And nothing else of interest. 3

2. MILK & SUGAR - Let The Sunshine In. And this utterly inconsequential version of a song you know all too well has been in the Hungarian charts forever. I can't really think why. It's no more than adequate. 3

3. TNT/Szekeres Adrien - Híd a folyót. If this were in English, it would sit well on a cheesy love songs tape. Next to Careless Whisper. In other words, it's a good lovey ballad. I think, it sounds like one, for all I know it could be scathing political commentary. A lovely duet with a delightfully swaying melody in the chorus. Not as good as previous single Egyetlen Szo though. 8

4. CLUB 94 - Mégegyszer. The song that has held this entry up for weeks! Excitement was high when I first listened to it... and.... it's a dance single. Built around a piano that sounds like the opening theme to a bad sitcom, adding in a brief flicker of great disco strings, then some guitar, another flutter of sighing strings, and it's sounding really great. And then it doesn't have much of a chorus to deliver the killer blow. Oh this should have been brilliant, really.. 6

5. SHANIA TWAIN - Up! The worst single off Shania's album that wasn't a ballad. That's still good enough for me. I love Shania because she writes infectious choruses like no other and she releases singles in different orders in different parts of the world just to be confusing, hence this, which came out in some places in 2002, is still around in Europe. I like Mutt Lange's matter-of-fact backing vocals on this. 7

8. RONAN KEATING & LEANN RIMES - Last Thing On My Mind. The twin antichrists of pop, together at last. 0

9. V-TECH - Homokba írt szerelem. Slick Latin-flavoured number, instrumentally very strong, with nice pulsing bass that's a bit too low in the mix, some lightly trickling electronic noodlings and a truly annoying singer. A quirky, likeable melody in the chorus saves it. 5

10. NOX - Százszor ölelj még. I don't think I can comment impartially on this song, because it has the most hilarious video I have seen this year (2.5Mb download, it's the top-right one) in which a bunch of really weird looking people lipsynch to the song over a tacky yellow gradated background - with a crap dance to boot! - great stuff. The song itself. It does have a jaunty violin break and what may be some kind of bagpipes-like instrument - which in the video appears to be fluffy. It's not unlistenable, but I wouldn't say it was catchy. 3

And it's 51. 156 is the total, the average being 51.33.

STANDINGS AT THE END OF ROUND 4:

1. Sweden 61.25
2. The Netherlands 59.50
3. Belgium 59.25
4. Finland 58.5
5. Norway 58.0
6. Croatia 56.0
7. Denmark 54.25
8. Spain 54
8. Italy 54
10. United Kingdom 51.75

The next round will happen in late September/early October. I'm sort of kind of thinking of having some guest writers in on this, though that may be a rubbish idea. But if you're from one of the countries whose charts I dissect and wouldn't mind participating, use the comments box or email me.

BOMBAY VIKINGS - Chhod Do Aanchal

2004-07-28T17:24:00.000+10:00

This is what I wrote on Stylus:

Hopefully [the] next Indian crossover hit will be this: a startling, exciting single, indebted as much to rap and dancehall as European chart pop, with an incredibly poppy chorus, deep synth bass and infectious R&B verses. "Mundian To Bach Ke" is hardly a useful reference point, think "Romeo", but not solely in English. Not that this alters the fact that it's catchy and fluidly melodic enough to sing along even if you don't understand what it's going on about. Oh. And the requisite touch of Sweden is in the backing and the changed last chorus.

Hmm. The operative word here, I think, has to be "hopefully". I think the inherent dark craziness of a Mundian To Bach Ke makes it more (not less, as you'd think) palatable to a mass pop audience in a Western country. There's a sense of it being weird and different in sound while still conforming to a lot of the expectations that similar Western music has. There's nothing like that here. This is your classic melange. When I say it tips its hat to dancehall, what I really mean is that it sounds like No Doubt's Hey Baby. It doesn't speak too well of my love of foreign pop when I enthuse about things that are familiar to me, but I never claimed to be anything more than a tourist. I love this song for all its cheesy familiarity, for its happy incorporation of what this kind of thing is supposed to sound like, for its convention, for its vague flavour of ethnicity, but mostly because it makes me feel happy and comfortable. I'm not sorry about it. [MP3]

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! DENMARK

2004-07-27T19:01:00.000+10:00

Woo, it's the penultimate one in the round (and if ANYONE from Hungary is reading and has an MP3 of the Club 54 song in your top 10, PLEASE email me), and it's surprisingly less dull than last time.

Repeats: O-Zone and Haiducii (9+5) and Britney (9).

1. Drengene fra Angora - Team Easy On. I've written about this before, but a quick summary may be in order: Bad Euro rapping over what sounds like the theme tune to an even worse 80s cartoon series makes for a deliriously happy Edward. 9

2. The Loft - City Of Dreams. I like the backing, very subtle for a Euro-hop song, and the woozy synths over the chorus is fabulous, but I do not like the stale rhymes (handle us/Scandalous is so played, guys), and the latter tends to dominate the former too much. 5

4. Outlandish - Man Binder Os Pa Mun. A curiously affecting piano-led hip-hop ballad. Weighty words (my lack of knowledge of their meaning helping), while not the equal of last year's Aicha, there's something in the combination of the steady beat and the tinkling that is very pretty indeed, and the final chorus with the dramatic strings is really very nice. 8

5. Mario Winans - I Don't Wanna Know. I may have already done this one this round - I've forgotten. Not that I'm likely to forget what score it deserves - 0.

6. "Diverse" - Hvor Vi Fra. I think by "Diverse", they mean "Various Artists", and I think this is another Euro 2004 album. It has wanky percussion and a vaguely interesting bit in the middle where it goes all Walk This Way. Still rotten. 2

8. Danzel - Pump It Up. Wa-hey! My favourite dorky Belgian dance number from earlier in the year is charting somewhere else! Excellent. 9

9. Bombay Rockers - Rock Tha Party. Doing absolutely nothing interesting beyond its sample, this is as close to the definition of "generic pop number urging you to go and party". Instead of doing it with massive, intricate beats, irresistable hooks and fat bass-lines, this just plugs along in a most uninspiring manner before a lick of guitar elevates the chorus ever so slightly. 4

A decent showing, and adding 60 on to 157 makes for a decent increase in the average, now 56.25.

HAR MAR SUPERSTAR - Body Request

2004-07-25T15:14:00.000+10:00

I, and possibly you, were quite excited to hear that Har Mar Superstar had done two songs with the profoundly untalented but inexplicably good Holly Valance. The reality is either less exciting or mercifully relieving depending on where you stand on Holly, because she's pretty much in back-up singing mode on this track - though she gets more lines on Back That Camel Up but this is the stronger song. It's a blatantly LOVING pastiche of, and tribute to 70s soul and disco songs. Mostly disco, but there's an organ in it too, so that's all the bases covered.

And as pastiches go, it's a good one, licks of guitar, subdued bits of strings, ascending whooshing noises and a quickly-sung pre-chorus bit with Holly doing some aimless backing vocal noodlings, and, best of all, there's a breakdown bit not AFTER the second chorus, but BEFORE it. And it's great as well. Basically, this is a great mindless disco romp, performed with a great deal of affection for its source material. [MP3]

(You can thank Zia for this MP3, specifically by visiting her blog and giving her lots and lots of hits.)

2004-07-24T12:05:00.000+10:00

This is what I wrote on Stylus about Antti Tuisku's Yrita Ymmartaa: [MP3]

An impeccably produced single for a Suomen (Finnish) Idol contestant, built around a divine string sample I can’t identify. Said sample is augmented by a well-placed acoustic guitar and a simple but effective beat. The song placed on top of it is quite nice mid-tempo R&B with a gorgeous, lilting chorus that ducks and swoops around the strings artfully. The combination is effortless and quite affecting, particularly when the song ends abruptly leaving just a brief string fade-out, perfect as both a conclusion and as a segue back to the beginning when put on repeat. If this sample and beat haven’t been used before, then someone in the UK or US should snap it up and do something massive with it post haste.

I would expand on this by saying that there's just something in the cadence of the voice that gets to me, and it's probably particular to this song, because his previous chart hit was a bit rubbish. Anyway, Finnish readers, if there is such a bird, are probably sick of this song by now, but I still think it's unique while still making sense within what for want of a better term I'll call the grammar of R&B songs. The strings, the beat, the curling melody of the chorus and the lovely acoustic guitar - certainly not new building blocks and I've heard plenty of Finnish language tracks in the last few months, but there's something about this that is really special.

I was conversing with a delightful Croatian chap last night (hi riv@nx!) and mentioned that with all the songs whose meanings I wish I could understand, I'd be learning languages forever (though I do now know that Ti Si Kriv means, brilliantly, "You Are Guilty"), but I think this is once case where I am glad I don't speak a word of it. I'm glad that with the meaning obscured I can concentrate on other things, because if the lyrics weren't exquisitely beautiful and I could see that, it'd wreck the illusion a bit.

And it is beautiful, and there are too many bits that on their own are lovely and deserve paragraphs but I can't. Dissecting gossamer, you know. So it's up for download for the next few days and for god's sake SOMEBODY IDENTIFY THE BLOODY SAMPLE BEFORE I LOSE MY NUT? Thanks.

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! GERMANY

2004-07-24T09:35:00.000+10:00

Repeats: O-Zone and Haiducii (9+5), Maroon 5 (8), Soul Control (0), Nelly Furtado (4)

2. Böhse Onkelz - Onkelz vs Jesus. Hmm. Who would win between Onkelz and Jesus? Jesus gave good quote and Onkelz has put out a shitty, unengaging rock song with absolutely nothing to say about it other than "Hmm. He's a bit gruff and requires hooks stat". Even for an atheist this is an easy call. Go Jesus! Song funnier if you remember that "jesus" is also a size of paper in France. 2

3. Hot Banditoz - Veo Veo. Festive sounding. Laughs. I like those things. I even like daft choruses sometimes, but when I listen to this, I think of one thing. Agadoo. That is a step too far into inanity for my tastes. 0

5. De Randfichten - Lebt denn dr alte Holzmichl noch...? Initially very promising accordion with marching beat is ruined a bit by sounding like the sort of rubbish poem English-speaking students get drilled into them when learning German as a second language. Actually, it's interesting how the beat changes, but it's actually better described as annoying. As I used to say, "This is rubbish. Put Das Funky Rap on again!". 3

8. Stefan Raab Feat. Spucky, Kork & Schrotty - Space-Taxi. Oh now this is surprisingly great! It's like a Europop version of something George Clinton might have knocked up - actually not too different from Bootsy Collins' Play With Bootsy single. Except re-imagined by nerds. Or possibly Wham! Obviously a bit cheaper and tackier, but this sort of squelchy funk goes down very well. As stupid as things get, but a fantastic - and relievingly so - groove behind this little beauty. 9 [MP3]

10. Overground - Aus & Vorbei. Oh not you again. This lot seem to be the worst type of boyband in that they encompass the worst features of all of them. A soppy ballad. Sounding like wimps. You know what it sounds like, don't you. May be a rubbish cover of a classic song with all the fun drained out of it, cf Schick Mir 'Nen Engel, but finding out would be going well beyond duty. 0

Germany continually proves to have awful taste. Don't know why, really. But 38 this round takes them to 163. An average of 40.75 and I was in a good mood this morning.

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! THE NETHERLANDS

2004-07-22T23:48:00.000+10:00

This seems to be taking an eternity, doesn't it? I am in no way just going really slowly because I'm having trouble getting the ones from Hungary, certainly not. Repeats: O-Zone (9), Maroon 5 (8), Haiducii (5) and Kelis (10)

2. Counting Crows & Blof - Holiday In Spain. They've been around for so long. They're one of the only bands that were around when I liked pop AND when I liked indie AND when I reconverted to pop. Strangely, each transition has made me hate Counting Crows more and more. Or perhaps it's because they get, with the odd exception here and there, more and more awful to my tastes. Is there a worse idea than Adam Duritz with only a piano to drown him out? No. Gains a bonus point for the "aah-ah" backing vocals. 1

4. K3 - Liefdeskapitein. It's no secret that I'm awfully tolerant of this kind of cheesy Eurodance, but even with some delightfully stupid horns between the verses, this just isn't particularly catchy. It's just... wet. Nice bit in the verses where the beat changes briefly, though. 3

5. Nina Sky - Move Your Body. If I ever turn into the sort of person that talks excitedly about "riddim" while drooling, I wish to be killed. That said, as far as minimalistic but stealthily melodic noodlings over a "riddim", this is rather cute. I would dance to it. 7

6. Anastacia - Sick And Tired. At least musically, this is a step down in the level of absolute bonkers-ness for Anastacia, but with the backing vocals, it more than makes up for it. Maybe the threat of massive guitar crunch before that chorus could have been followed up, but still, good. 8

7. Lange Frans & Bass B feat Brace - Moppie. Euro-hip-hop but with no zing or panache, and certainly nothing I can connect with. Bah. Boring. 2

10. Nelly Furtado - Forca. I'm quite sure she deserves applause for doing something that so determinedly goes its own way, but in the absence of a good tune like Powerless, this sort of thing is just not my bag. I like the clapping noises in the chorus, and the banjos, but nothing else. 4

57 points, meaning that Sweden is now the leader with 245 in 4 rounds, as the Dutch run at the top ends here, they being 7 points behind on 238.

2004-07-21T22:44:00.000+10:00

Around The World in 80kbps Volume 5 is go. Again, props to Todd, editor extraordinaire (and not a bad writer) who got this up despite my intermittent computer problems causing it to be a late. When next I update MP3s - because the ones up have hardly been up, you see, I will post Bombay Vikings and Antti Tuisku, I think, because you do need to hear them. The latter so you can help me identify the sample, obviously.

THE CROSS EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! CROATIA

2004-07-20T16:22:00.000+10:00

Regular readers would know that I wuv the Croatian rundown to death because it guarantees 10 songs not on any other chart. And because Croatian dance pop is generally really good, they still make it the way I like it.

1. Vesna Pisarovic - Ti Si Kriv. A fabulous dance record, imagine a Slavic Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Vesna really does sound very similar in the bit after the choruses. There are some playful "ooh! a-ha!" vocal bits going on too. Makes good use of the assonance in its chorus. Would it be so wrong to say it reminds me slightly in the verses of t.A.T.u.'s Malchik Gej? Fun trivia fact: Vesna co-wrote Deen's In The Disco. 10 [MP3]

2. Nera - Mi Smo Centar Svita. An intricate, traditional sounding song with a strong chorus but slightly indifferent verses. Brass touches and faint electric guitar give some polish. 8

3. Parni Valjak - Suncanom Stranom. I would be lying very badly if I claimed to be the best person to judge these sorts of slow guitar songs done by Europeans. I find them boring, though I get the impression there is some kind of artistry that is going over my head. Not in this case, actually, but often enough. Competent enough, but I hate the voice. 4

4. Sasa, Tin & Kedzo - Nista ili Sve. Hardly the equal of 365, but has a great sing-along bum-ba-ba-ba-ba bit right at the start to lure you in and an engaging enough melody. Production wise, this is pretty slick but could have done with being punchier with bigger beats. 8

5. Yammat - Tvoje Lice Se Promijenilo. Quite a pleasing bit of fast dance-pop, not a huge fan of the female singer's voice, but I like the little pizzicato string bits under the verses, the 70s MOR-pop organ and the nimble guitar, reminds me possibly of the music to an old video game. 7

6. Songkillers - Sreca. See #3, though this doesn't annoy as much with its vocals and it has a cruisy quality to it, even if repeated listens have failed to uncover any hooks. 4

7. Ivana Banfic - Otisak Prsta. A classy bit of Cro-disco, melody is perhaps a bit too subtle to make it an all-out stormer, though the sliding synths under the chorus are rather excellent. 9

8. Baruni - Nekako Cu Te Preboljeti. Oh no, make it stop, as for #3 but with awful 80s ballad touches. Not my kind of thing at all. 1

9. Flyer - Stanica Prema Suncu. Nicely-placed, bright stabs of brass elevate this one somewhat, again with a wordless catchy bit (bum bum bum bum), but while it's quite nice, it's hardly engaging. Really could have done with a more playful beat to go with the rollicking bass. 6

10. Boris & Dino - Malo Nas Je Al' Nas Ima. Rousing whoas! This is going to be great, I thought, , as long as it's not a football anthem, especially when a skittering guitar and percussion combo launched. Then it reveals itself to be a cover version of We Didn't Start The Fire, doesn't it? And yes, it is to do with Euro 04, but certainly not the awful disaster you'd imagne. I've always had a soft spot for WDSTF anyway. Fine for the terraces, anyway, but I've still judged it as I would any awful football song and given it a 3.

A respectable 60 points, making the total 168 for an average of 56.

These were the songs on my discman while I was away...

2004-07-19T19:45:00.000+10:00

Some of them I won't mention again, one or two will show up in my next Around The World in 80kbps.

1. Novaspace - So Lonely. Despite hating their last single, I find this to be a relentlessly burbling bit of downbeat dance with a great big chorus. Anthemic, perhaps.

2. Edguy - Lavatory Love Machine. Or, Love In An Airplane Bathroom, which would be a far better title. Great riff, great 80s rock screaming chorus, love it. Also contains a crap spoken bit. [MP3]

3. Outlandish - Man Binder Os Pa Mund Og Hand. Euro-hip-hop with just an extra dash of hurt and melancholy. Speaks deeply to me despite not being even remotely intelligble.

4. Antti Tuisku - Yrita Ymmartaa. Because the sample and the melody are both absolutely divine. More will be written about this, I promise.

5. Speedy - Sientelo. Lumidee is on it - there's your excuse to check it out, but it's also a nimble, exciting piece of dance music.

6. Melendiz - Fuck You All. Slightly embarassing, but passionate bit of purpotedly humorous Euro-mock rap by someone who thinks that there as funny as Eminem. Qualitatively this is rubbish (as far as Europeans who can be compared to Eminem, the list starts and ends with Caparezza, anyway) but for some reason I find it endearing, if awkward.

7. Mull Historical Society - How 'Bout I Love You More? Have said it before, but it reminds me of Hi And Goodbye by the A*Teens, which is great, just in the opening guitar bit, mind, but the stately strings at the end seal the deal for me.

8. Xandee - Ay Que Calor. Belgian Eurovisian lassy with long face goes Latin. Cheaply. And wonderfully. The chorus is immediate, and obviously it's utterly inauthentic but that sort of stuff has never mattered to me. Basically, a gigantic ear worm. [MP3]

9. Mylo - In My Arms. Being as it is ethereal and gorgeous and samples Kim Carnes, I was resistless.

10. Vanilla Ninja - Heartless. I have to keep listening to it just to make sure it isn't the same song as Breathless by The Corrs. Which I also loved, thankyou very much, even if everything they did after it was rubbish. This nicely carries along the same line, with a massive singalong chorus that Mutt Lange would be proud to call his own.

11. Seafood - Willow's Song. For no other reason than that I am amazed that anyone would want to end their record with a traditional folk song after having been beaten to the punch to the tune of seven years by the Sneaker Pimps.

12. Kelli Ali - Home Honey, I'm High. Speaking of which, it seems fitting that the song on Kelli's disappointing second album (I loved her first) would be attached to its most instant treasure, and the one that's least damaged by her scattershot and occasionally very bad lyrics.

13. V - You Stood Up. Possibly the best boyband ballad I've heard in quite a long time, although I have doubts about three of the chorus's eight lines being basically the same thing - I would have rewritten the line "you stood up and stole it from me" as it sounds clumsy coming directly before "Why stand up and steal it?". Quite restrained too, despite the occasional bit of the expected histrionic emoting.

2004-07-13T11:03:00.000+10:00

Time for another temporary break fo posting - though I readily concede that these are so frequent they should perhaps be assumed unless I specifically warn I will be posting regularly. But I shall be away and sans internet until Sunday night.

Anyway, if you haven't read this fantastic NYLPM Square Table collaborative evaluation of Rachel Stevens then hie thee hence, as quite a few of my favourite pop writers are represented (including one who I think would be considered one of the blogosphere's finest most intelligent writers if he were to do a bit more work in English here and there). Anyway, two commentators have noticed the similiarity between Some Girls and Amii Stewart's Knock On Wood (my second favourite disco single, as it happens). Coincidentally, La Stevens recently covered Knock On Wood, so I've put an MP3 up for interest's sake, though her version is quite good the breakdown isn't as effective due to the discotastic break after the second verse being cut and the long breakdown being sliced in half. Ah well.

While I'm away, you could be lovely and these two things (or just the second if you're stumped).

a) Post in the comments the name of a great pop song from 2004 you think I won't have heard. Or even an album, if you're feeling rockist.

b) Guess what my favourite disco single is, just for fun.

Come on, I'm coaxing you regulars out of anonymity. Do it! I might offer some kind of mix CD as a prize for the best answers.

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! NORWAY

2004-07-11T21:38:00.000+10:00

Getting ever more boring and rubbishly written because I'm trying to get them done before Tuesday. Repeats: O-Zone (9), Britters (10), Haiducii (5), Kelis (10), Frankee (0), Mario Winans (3).

2. KJARTAN - Standing Tall. A sort of ungainly, throbbing pop-rock number with a pleasing rhythmic stomp to the chorus - especially the bass - but melodically it is rather dull and the hooks don't do it for me, though only the harshest would critic would deny it was well sung. I think this may be another Norwegian Idol winner.. maybe? 6

7. MARIA ARREDONDO - Mad SUmmer. This appears to be a summery dance track in the vein of Ace Of Base if they wen't infectious. 4

9. JIM STÄRK - Morning Songs (EP). Ooh, an EP. so I suppose I have to listen to it all rather than just judging the title track. It's a sort of a folky singer-songwriter affair. The first track has some really great 60s organ happening. The third has some nice organ with a bit of brass! The last song is a bit scratchy. The best song is the second, Don't You Have A Friend?, which sounds, if you have any faith in my comparisons, a bit like 70s Elton John and wouldn't be out of place on a Candy Butchers album. That gets an 8, so therefore so does the EP. 8 [MP3]

55 points, making a total of 232, a nice neat 58 average.

2004-07-10T14:33:00.000+10:00

Too busy for full write-ups, here are some snapshots:

LENA PHILIPSSON - Delirium
Help! Lena PH has changed into Laura Brannigan! Change her back... no wait... this is Gloria plus Xanadu except in Swedish except for the odd line in English and equally as brilliant as that sounds. Great chorus and there's an absolute wall of cheap early 80s keyboard noises over the end of it. I like very much. [MP3]

RAZORLIGHT - Vice
This is one of two pretty rubbish UK "rock" singles that are going to be massive in the coming months no matter what you do (the other is Keane's Bedhaped), and despite the fact that the chanted L-O-V-E bit is a definite earworm, it doesn't seem to have a chorus to speak of to go with it, it's as if someone thought "Yes! We, some kind of indie band, have improbably stumbled upon a hook! Let's yelp over it". Try again.

THE PRODIGY - Girls
With the exception of No Good (Start The Dance) I hate The Prodigy, but I have to concede that this is pretty spectacular. Massive, spacy and bassy and lots of great sounds all over the place - clearly a retreat (and a wise one) back to their rave-dance roots.

IVANA BRKIC - Njezno, njeznije

2004-07-08T19:01:00.000+10:00

Described quite accurately as "icy, sweeping eurotrance pop" by my ever-reliable source of all things Cro and Pop, this is not quite going to be in the next Croatian round of the Cross Europe thingo, so I wanted to say something about it in case I missed it.

It's one of those records that reminds me how misleading labels can be. "Eurotrance" is one of those labels that gets tossed around, to cluster together a bunch of records that have a common element even though they may be completely different in almost every way, and the normal reason for doing this is that the listener doesn't like them. But a song like this shows what broad churches Eurotrance and Europop are. In the absence of being able to say anything about the lyrics, I can merely praise Ivana's delicate, frosted delivery for the way it sells its trance melody as being longing and desirous rather than vacuous, and admire how well it goes with the pumping bass and beat. Instrumentally, for want of a better word, this is very strong too, and the deeply buried, almost choral male backing vocals make it a good headphones listen and rather than being a straight thump all the way, the percussion breaks and reenters when it should. It's definitely one of my favourite dance-pop singles of the year so far and I wish I had the language to explain why - both to understand what it's saying and to articulate its glacial charms. [MP3]

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! RUSSIA

2004-07-08T14:02:00.000+10:00

And it's going to be another round of heartbreak and Blogger-mangled international characters, isn't it? Anastacia (10), Royal Gigolos (5)

1. SARAH CONNOR - Just One Last Dance. Looking back over previous things I have written about Sarah Connor reveal that she is the least interesting popstar on the planet. Really, I have nothing to say about this woman and her workmanlike stabs at R&B - and SWEET JESUS IT BEARS REPEATING THAT THIS SONG IS "UNBREAK MY HEART" IN DISGUISE AND I REALLY HATE TONI BRAXTON - that are so limp and anodyne that I can't really imagine anyone feels passionately about them one way or another. I mean, if it came on the radio I wouldn't leap to change the station like I would with something that hurts my ears, but really, did this heap of crap need to be made? The answer is: no. 0

2. LIMP BIZKIT - Behind Blue Eyes. As above, in that it didn't need to be made, but I certainly would change the station if I heard this. Actually, I'd likely bomb the station. 0

5. DJ ?py? - ??y??????? ?????. In case the Russian characters are mangled, it looks something like this: Dj RpyB - CĎ€y*e6Hb|N. This appears to be the simplest home-baked dance track imaginable with some spoken Russian on top of it. Possibly the most pointless thing in existance. I could have made this, seriously. Except I would have had the decency to delete it immediately. 0

6. Denise - Straight Up. Mind-drillingly rubbish remake of the Paula Abdul classic. Yes, I do mean "classic" - go back and listen, it's great. This has absolutely no dynamics whatsoever - the same plodding, lifeless, DATED beat goes through the whole thing except for a slightly interesting rhythmic diversion in the second verse and some stomping after the second chorus, meaning that the chorus itself has no impact at all and Denise sounds thoroughly bored throughout. 1

7. Julia Savicheva - Believe Me. That Avril-esque lass who warbled vulnerably (i.e. so out of tune even I could tell) through this year's Eurovision and inexplicably came 11th. It appears to have been given a teensy bit of an overhaul for radio, involving some quite yelped singing that Julia would have made an even bigger hash of live, and, bizarrely, by de-emphasising the song's best points - the descending chords in the chorus, it loses nearly all of its impact as it's revealed to not have that interesting a tune. On the plus side, it no longer sounds like she's saying "Bulimia. Just don't care.". Curious. 5

8. Evanescence - My Immortal. It's summer for most of you, but it's winter here, and this sounds perfect right about now. You'd have to be unfeeling to still resist the charms of those strings all this time down the track. 8

9. Boogie Pimps - Sunny. I actually vastly prefer this to Somebody To Love, although given that I was programmed to love Boney M theirs is still the definitive version of Sunny for me. It is very swirly and roller-rink-y indeed, so conjures lots of images of falling over and hurting myself badly due to no sense of balance. Eh, you can sing along to this one and you already know the words, so why not? 7

10. Benassi Bros feturing Sandy - Illusion. Basically, the same deep bass throb you would expect with a Faceless House Diva added, minus the enormous, pleasurable sense of "What the FUCK is this?". Thing with a lot of dance acts is that basically you only need the best application of the template and obviously this isn't it. 4

That is 40, and this seems rather generous. Total is 153, but that's three rounds. Average = 51

THE CROSS-EUROPE CHART CHALLENGE... of Death! BELGIUM

2004-07-06T09:50:00.000+10:00

Repeats: Ruslana (9), Mario Winans (3), both Dragostea Bin Teis (9+5), Brit Brit (10), Eamon (0) and Kelis (10). Also, Cha Cha Slide is in there, and I refuse to comment on it again even though this is its first appearance this round. You guessed it, it's a boring one. Of interest, the mighty I Promised Myself - that is, the original version by Nick Kamen has been re-released and is at Number 15, either as a spoiler or a piggy-back on the A*Teens version, possibly due to some kind of Kamen Kompilation.

3. NATALIA - I Want You Back. Ah, her last two singles were great disco numbers, this'll be good. No, wait, it's a ballad. It is at least of rather high quality until the chorus, which is all too predictable. Lots of authentic 70s AM radio ballad touches, reminds me a little bit of that Fastball single Out Of My Head actually. The massive payoff at the end you're expecting - where it goes all stirring and massive, doesn't actually come, which is a disappointment. 7

9. SPRING - Met De Trein Naar Oostende. Sounding exactly like the opening number in a very, very bad one-off variety program with the horns, the cheesy melody, the female backing vocals going "chicka chicka", you wonder how exactly it's going to fill its 3 minutes and 24 seconds and then a slowed-down bit comes in and does the job and nothing more. 4

That'd be 57, total 237, average 59.25.

SHAZNAY LEWIS - Radio

2004-07-06T09:13:00.001+10:00

On an album as varied as Shaznay's Open which seems to reveal further treasures upon further listenings, this is perhaps the song that perhaps sounds like All Saints, the bass-and-beat strut recalls the chorus of their last #1, Black Coffee. Not to say that it sounds like a single, if you're looking for one of those, try You or Mr Dawg (which sounds like it would have fitted, bizarrely, perfectly on the Martina Topley Bird album), but Radio itself is the most immediate song, for better or worse. Actually, on first listen it is worse, but subsequent listenings have shown it to be rather catchy. Each verse seems to be split into two distinct parts, with the second climaxing with Shaznay crying out "I like it! I like it!" before the chorus, which is fairly insubstantial melodically, but the groove is taut and tight and just before the third, there is more lovely yowling from Shaznay, and the whole thing is as compact in length as it is in construction, with it stopping unceremoniously at 2:51, just as the song itself starts immediately without fanfare. [MP3]

2004-07-05T05:41:00.000+10:00

OK. MP3 from Sweden then, and who is this at Number 20 but my new favourite funky Stockholmers, Teddybears STHLM? Their previous single Cobrastyle got one of the best responses of anything I've posted this year, so perhaps you will appreciate this thumping, squelchy, ridiculously bassy affair even if it is ever so slightly naff. I like it, but then again I would. [MP3]